I said DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!
by SG-girl
Summary: Memo to the soldiers of the SGC: If your scientist, archaeologist, anthropologist, etc., touches anything without your express permission, feel free to shoot them. Sincerely, Colonel Jack O'Neill.
1. How the hell did I get stuck with you?

_**Title: I said, 'DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!'**_

_**By: Hannah Hartman**_

_**Rating: M**_

_**Disclaimer: They're not all mine, but some of them are.**_

_**Spoilers: Let's go with the first five seasons just to be on the safe side.**_

_**Warnings: Language, AU, and OC's**_

_**Summary: Based off a challenge by Sage Jackson from Heliopolis challenges. Daniel's mind gets turned into a child's, but not permanently. Everything else is mine, though.**_

_**(&)**_

"_**In the early 1700s, after spending close to fifty years studying ancient biblical texts, the father of modern physics, Sir Isaac Newton, predicted that the world would end in the year 2060.**_

_**He never mentioned anything about a redhead. **_

_**If he had, I might have been more careful."**_

_**-From 'The Radioactive Redhead' by John Zankour**_

_**(&)**_

"So, uh, what is it exactly?" For the eighteenth time in the last hour, Daniel Jackson looked up from the notepad on his knee and glared at the woman who shared the stone chamber with him. The woman in question sat sprawled across the doorway to the chamber, long legs stretched out in front of her, eyeing him with a mixture of boredom and just plain indifference.

"The same thing I was looking at five minutes ago and five minutes before that." Daniel muttered, turning his attention back to the artifact in his hands. Unfortunately, it appeared that his attention was not to remain on the artifact.

"Ohhh, you mean it's the same thing that you didn't explain to me five minutes ago or five minutes before that?" The woman drawled, her voice irritatingly lazy. Daniel exhaled slowly as he glared at the soldier, trying to keep from saying something inflammatory.

"Shouldn't you be out scouting the perimeter? Securing the area or something?" Daniel asked, trying to keep a lid on his irritation. The woman's right eyebrow arched in a sharp contrast to her heavy-lidded stare.

Clearly, Major Kate Troy of the United States Marine Corps was not impressed with his knowledge of all things military. She gave the room a quick once-over without moving her head and then turned her bright blue eyes back to him. And they were definitely bright blue. Daniel knew this because the two of them had been glaring at each other all day long and when you glared at someone for almost five hours straight, well, you pretty much memorized all of their facial features.

"By golly, you're right! I should be out there looking at all those dangerous _trees_." Troy's tone of voice, which started out cheerleader peppy dropped to a notably sarcastic register on the last word. Daniel rolled his eyes again for lack of anything better to do and looked back down at the artifact. Awkward silence reigned for the next few minutes as Daniel scribbled notes in his notebook and Troy did whatever it was that soldiers were supposed to do when they watched scientists.

"Hey, Doc," Daniel looked up, scowling at the casual address. Troy was standing, having at some point since their last spat managed to silently climb to her feet in twenty pounds of gear with a loaded P-90 in her arms. For a minute, Daniel was impressed.

"I'm goin' outside for a bit. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." That impressed feeling vanished and Daniel scowled again. Troy gave him a smug smile as if she enjoyed annoying him and trooped out, her combat boots stirring up the dust on the floor. Daniel cursed under his breath in Abydonian and returned his attention to the artifact.

It was a small box about six inches by six inches. He'd already checked with one of Sam's scanners and hadn't picked up energy readings or radiation or anything that suggested anything technological. The box was covered with several precise lines of a language that looked like a cross between Mayan and Goa'uld. The bottom, or what he was assuming was the bottom because of the way the text ran, had been filed off. It was a crude job like someone had scratched it across the floor until the text was illegible. There were a few words left on the top. As far as he could tell, still unfamiliar with the language, it read '_return to youth_.' With a sigh, Daniel set it on his knee and gave it a tap with his fingers as he considered the words.

Almost instantly, the box began to shake, blue light racing along its sides in geometric patterns. Daniel moved to toss it away.

He moved too late.

_**(&)**_

As much as she didn't want to, Kate Troy forced herself to stay in the entrance of the over-grown temple. Tapping the talk button on her headset, she leaned against the stone wall, letting her P-90 dangle from the strap on her vest. When her call was answered, Kate's greeting was a heavy sigh.

"I'm gonna assume that that self-pitying sigh means you're still alive?" Colonel Makepeace asked, sounding way too happy with himself. Kate snorted as she opened one of her vest pouches and pulled out a half-empty pack of gum.

"Next time we draw straws for egghead watch, you don't get to hold the straws." Kate said, struggling to open the chunk of Bubble Yum with her gloved fingers.

"Hey! I didn't cheat." The hint of laughter in her CO's voice did nothing to quell Kate's suspicions about Makepeace's involvement in her current situation. Shoving the wrapper into her pocket, Kate bit down on the gum, wincing as the sweet/sour flavor of _Lebron's Lightning Lemonade_ assaulted her taste-buds.

" 'Course not, sir. You're a paragon of virtue." Kate muttered, drawing in a deep breath of muggy jungle air.

"So, how much longer-" Kate asked around her gum as she turned to face the stone corridor. That was all the farther she got on her inquiry.

The explosion of light and sound knocked Kate flat on her back. For a few seconds, she grasped at consciousness, and then everything went black.

_**(&)**_

Kate hauled herself out of the void cursing like a sailor. Most of the curses were directed at the man that Kate was pretty sure had just knocked her on her ass and most were in her head because air wasn't getting to her lungs. With a choking gasp, she rolled onto her stomach and spit her gum out, finally able to breathe as she stared at the dirt beneath her chin.

Being an experienced soldier of the SGC, Kate had a faster turn around rate when it came to being knocked out. Fighting through her nausea, she clamored to her feet, raising her P-90 with a quick jerk. Cautiously sweeping the area around her, she was relieved to discover that she was still alone and that there was no sign of any restless natives or any other type of trouble, well, other than the whole unconsciousness thing.

"Troy!" The bellow in her ear made her jump and not so politely informed her that she had a headache. Wincing at the sharp pain in her temples, Kate tapped her headset.

"Here." She mumbled, trying to blink the splotches of color out of her vision.

"What happened?" The hitch in Makepeace's voice and the background noise suggested he was moving fast. Kate assumed that that meant that he was headed her way.

"Some kind of energy burst. I'm checking on the Doc." Makepeace confirmed the movement and Kate clicked off, moving into the temple, sweeping the area in front of her. Once the fifteen foot hall was cleared, Kate crouched in the doorway to the chamber and scanned the room. The glow from her flashlight illuminated an empty chamber and Jackson's limp body.

Cursing, Kate moved cautiously into the room, sweeping everything: the floor, the dark corners, everything. Once she was satisfied that the room was clear, Kate crouched next to Jackson, noting the rise and fall of his chest with relief. Tapping her earpiece, Kate cleared her throat and spoke.

"Jackson's unconscious, but breathing. I don't see any visible injuries." There was a pause.

"We'll be there in a few minutes. Stay put." Makepeace ordered. There was a slight pause before he added. "And don't kill Jackson."

Kate acknowledged the order with a roll of her eyes and then stared down at Jackson. After 30 seconds, he stirred, his boots scraping the floor as his legs moved.

"Jackson?" Kate leaned forward, stopping when her P-90 bit uncomfortably into her ribs. With a grunt, she unclipped it and set it beside her.

"Doc?" Kate asked, leaning forward again. Jackson mumbled something under his breath. She leaned closer and managed to catch the word 'mommy.'

Arching an eyebrow, Kate used the back of her gloved hand to tap the side of Jackson's face. His eyes fluttered and slowly opened.

"How ya feelin'?" Kate asked, leaning back. Jackson blinked blearily at her, confusion playing across his face.

"Can we say 'I'm feeling fine, Major Troy'?" Kate asked, using a snide tone in the hopes of goading him into snapping back at her. If he got angry, he was fine. Jackson opened his mouth, closed it, stared at her, opened his mouth again… and screamed.


	2. WrestleMania

_**Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.**_

_**Douglas Adams**_

_**(&)**_

Jerking away from the sonic scream coming out of Jackson's mouth, Kate overbalanced and landed on her back, floundering like a turtle. Stilling all movement because it seemed to be getting her absolutely nowhere, Kate raised her head and stared in wide-eyed bewilderment as Jackson scrambled away into a nearby corner.

"What the hell?" Kate snapped, her descriptive abilities leaving her altogether.

"Who're you?" Jackson's childish tone of voice made her eyebrows raise as she gingerly and carefully sat up, brushing dirt from the palms of her gloves.

"You feelin' okay, Doc?" Kate asked, rising to her knees even as the bruised joints protested. Jackson mumbled something, but the words got lost in the space between them.

"Wanna repeat that?" Kate said, slowly climbing to her feet, wincing as various scrapes and bruises complained. Jackson hadn't moved from the corner, his face pressed against his knees. He spoke again, but like the previous time, it was too quiet for her to hear.

"Doc! Friggin' speak up!" Kate snapped, reaching for her P-90.

"Not a doc." The quiver in his voice stopped Kate mid-bend, hand resting inches from her gun.

"Like hell you're not." Kate said as she straightened, leaving the gun on the floor. It was better to just not to tempt herself. Jackson angled his head so that one blue eye peered at her from behind his glasses.

"You said a bad word." Jackson muttered. Kate rolled her eyes.

"Jackson, my sense of humor is completely gone at the moment, so I'm not finding this too funny. Now, get your ass up." She said. There was no movement from the man in the corner and with an angry mutter about 'eggheads', Kate strode towards him.

"NO!" Jackson suddenly bellowed and jumped to his feet. Kate stopped short, suddenly finding herself at a disadvantage, the kind of disadvantage where she was about six inches too short and sixty pounds too light.

"Okay, I stopped. This is me stopping. See?" Kate said, holding her hands out in a placating gesture. Jackson was breathing heavily, looking frantically around the room, his eyes darting from one thing to another.

"I want my mommy." Those were four words Kate could honestly say she never expected to hear coming from Jackson or anyone at the SGC actually. Her jaw fell open for a minute and then she closed it with a snap.

"Well, uh, clearly… your mother… is not here." Kate said, taking a step back as Jackson took a step forward. While she was fairly certain she could take him down should the need arise, she wasn't in any hurry to, especially with her head clanging like a fire alarm.

"You're a stranger. My mommy said never talk to strangers. 'Sides, I yell real loud and someone will hear me and come save me." Jackson stuttered, taking another step forward. Kate stayed still, following the same guidelines for dealing with bears which entailed no sudden movements. Without warning, Jackson opened his mouth and bellowed like he was being chased by said bear. Kate's headache surged and she clamped her hands over her ears, trying to protect her ear-drums.

For the first time since he'd regained consciousness, Jackson seemed to register that all was not well in Jackson-land and looked down at himself. His eyes widened and he let out another yell. Kate kept her ears covered until she was sure he was done.

"What happened? I'm big like my daddy." Jackson looked up at her as if expecting an explanation. Kate shrugged.

"Don't look at me. You're the one acting like a six year old." Kate said, looking him over with a practiced eye. There was no sign of a head wound and thusly, no visible reason to explain the sudden shift toward the adolescent end of the behavior spectrum.

"Seven." Jackson muttered, folding his arms across his chest, his face suddenly drooping into a pout. Kate blinked for a minute as she digested this latest bit of information.

"Excuse me?" She asked, surreptitiously eyeing the gun on the floor next to her. He'd probably get to her before she got to it. Maybe if she hadn't left her sidearm in her pack, which was all the way across the room. Oh, well, there'd be time for self-flagellation after she subdued Jackson.

" 'M seven." The man muttered, still pouting and putting a great deal of effort into sticking his lower lip out.

"Oh, well, excuse me for not knowing that, Doc." Kate barked, temper getting the better of her. Jackson's glare turned even blacker.

" 'M not Doc. M' Daniel." He muttered as if it was the most obvious thing on the face of the planet. Kate shot another look at her gun and turned back to Jackson.

"Fine, _Daniel, _you," Kate waved a hand in his general direction. "Feelin' okay?" Jackson regarded her with typical child-like suspicion before he answered.

"My head hurts and I'm not supposed to be big and I want my mommy." Kate froze as his bottom lip started to quiver.

"Oh, please don't." Kate pleaded as his eyes started to glisten behind his glasses.

"Don't, don't cry. Please don't…" Kate trailed off as the tears started to fall. Exhaling heavily, she took a few cautious steps forward. Shaking his head, Jackson backed away.

"Doc," Kate warned as he edged to the left. "Don't you dare." The threat didn't work because without warning, Jackson dashed across the room and down the corridor. With a curse and one last over the shoulder look at her gun, Kate tore after him.

_**(&)**_

Lungs burning and joints aching, Colonel Robert Makepeace burst into the clearing and onto one of the strangest scenes he'd ever seen in his life and being in the Marines, he'd certainly seen a lot of strange scenes. Behind him, the rest of SG3 burst through the tree line, weapons drawn. Confronted with the sight before them, the three soldiers stood in silence for a few seconds.

"Sir…?" Lieutenant Freddy Lopez trailed off as he stepped up beside Makepeace. Makepeace just shook his head in dumbfounded amazement at the scene before them.

"Get offa me!" Daniel Jackson's bellow rang out crystal clear through the clearing, even though it was hard to tell which of the bodies it had come from. Makepeace was assuming it was the one on the bottom.

"Not until you stop bein' a brat!" The body on top was almost unseated as the one underneath it struggled. Kate Troy's voice was unmistakable.

"I'm gonna tell my mommy!" Makepeace arched an eyebrow at the threat. The body on top thumped the one underneath it across the back of the head. Makepeace had a feeling he'd just confirmed which one was Troy.

"Well, you go right ahead and do that. She'll probably thank me." Troy's voice was a growl. Makepeace cleared his throat and two heads turned in his direction.

"Oh, hi guys. What took ya?" Raising the hand she wasn't using to push Jackson's face into the mud, Troy wiped at her forehead, although it didn't appear to do any good.

"What's goin' on, Troy?" Makepeace asked, trying to keep the smile off his face. Troy shrugged as she flung mud off her free hand with a carefree wave.

"Oh, just that Jackson's regressed…" Troy broke off, looked down at Jackson and asked. "How old are you again?"

"Seven. And I want my mommy!" Jackson yelled, clearly not thrilled with his treatment.

"Regressed about twenty years and he wants his mommy." Troy finished. Makepeace looked sideways at Lopez who was grinning broadly and doing nothing to hide it.

"WANT MY MOMMY!" A few alien birds took flight at this bellow and Troy, who'd been distracted by flipping Lopez the bird because he was smiling, went flying as Jackson reared up, scrambling to his feet. Lopez and Sgt. Greg Mullins stepped forward, zats at the ready.

"Hey!" Troy was on her feet instantly, headed for Jackson. She waved at the men as she moved around Jackson's flank, catching his attention. Makepeace held out a restraining arm and Lopez and Mullins lowered their zats as Jackson regarded them all suspiciously.

"Your Uncle… uh, Uncle Jack is going to be very disappointed with you, Ja-, uh, Daniel." Troy said, stepping closer to Jackson. The man turned towards her, head cocked to the side. There may have been an inquisitive expression under all the mud.

"I have an Uncle Jack?" The hope in his voice was unmistakable and Makepeace smiled. Clearly, Jackson was looking for an ally against Troy.

"Yeah, and he's back at… uh, home. I'm supposed to take you there." Anyone listening to Troy could tell she was making it up as she went along. Jackson's eyes narrowed and he folded his arms across his chest.

"Well, I don't wanna go with you. You're mean." Turning his back on her, Jackson's missed Troy's scowl, evident even under all the mud. Before Troy could do anything stupid, Makepeace reached out and grabbed her ponytail, effectively stopping her. Luckily, or unluckily, depending on which was you looked at it, Lopez stepped in to save the day.

"But, Daniel, she's your Uncle Jack's girlfriend. You're supposed to listen to her." Makepeace had to choke back the laughter that threatened to erupt from his chest at Lopez's version of quick thinking. Troy's jaw flopped open as Jackson spun around to face her.

"You're my Uncle Jack's girlfriend?" Jackson asked. Troy stuttered a few nonsensical words before she nodded wordlessly, looking shell-shocked.

"But you're mean." Jackson said, returning to the obvious. Troy rubbed a hand across her face as if considering her options. Finally, she spoke.

"It's been a real long day, Doc. I-I mean, Jac-, uh, Daniel. So can we just go home?" There was a very long pause and out of the corner of his eye, Makepeace saw Lopez's hand tighten around his zat.

Then, to everyone's surprise, Jackson stepped over and took a hold of Troy's hand, eyeing the rest of them like a shy child.

"Oh, this just gets better and better." Troy muttered as Jackson stuck his other thumb in his mouth.


	3. I wanna hold your hand!

_**Dylan: Anything you want to tell me?**_

_**Tyr: No, not particularly**_

_**- Andromeda**_

_**(&)**_

Colonel Jack O'Neill had been waiting in the Gate Room for an hour. The technicians had long since given up asking if he needed help and were moving around him with the single-mindedness of geeks. Jack checked his watch for the fourth time in the last ten minutes and then returned to staring at the Gate. His reason for waiting was simple: Daniel Jackson.

Daniel had gone off-world with SG3. Now, it wasn't so much the going off-world that bothered Jack. It was Daniel going off-world with a 100 percent military team that bothered Jack. While he trusted Robert Makepeace not to kill Daniel, he wasn't quite as sure about the rest of SG3. Especially Kate Troy and that's why Jack was waiting. And waiting.

"Sir?" He turned. One of the technicians was standing at his elbow. The nametag said Mann and the glasses said 'geek'.

"Yeah?" Jack asked, not making his tone particularly inviting. If he'd learned one thing in five years of working with Daniel and Carter, it was that if you gave them an 'in,' egg-heads never stopped talking.

"Dr. Jackson's team is due back in ten minutes." The young man said, friendly as a golden retriever puppy.

"Thank you, Mann." With a nod, the tech backed off. Jack eyed his watch again and waited.

Eight minutes later, the wormhole engaged and Jack found himself faced with the event horizon. Several times the desire to test the 'matter doesn't travel both ways through an open wormhole' theory had pulled at Jack's brain. Today was no different. He wondered if he asked Mann to walk through the event horizon, if the man would do it.

Jack's scientific musings were interrupted by the sudden stumbling arrival of Lopez. Recovering with the grace of an Olympic athlete, the young soldier finished his walk down the ramp and positioned himself beside Jack. Looking over, Lopez snorted in laughter and then turned back to the Gate.

"Something amusing, Lieutenant?" Jack asked, taking in the dirty BDU's and the mud smeared across his subordinate's face.

"Yessir." The man drawled in his thick Texas accent, a wide smile on his face.

"You gonna let me in on it?" Jack asked.

"Not just yet, sir." Lopez said just as Mullins came flying through the Gate like a Frisbee. Skidding halfway down the ramp, the man was on his feet instantly, laughing. Jack stared in curiosity as Mullins limped down the ramp, taking a spot beside a chuckling Lopez.

"She gonna get him through?" Lopez asked. Mullins shrugged, a crooked smile on his face.

"Is there something I need to know?" Jack asked, a little annoyed with all the amusement and no Daniel.

"I think Colonel Makepeace is gonna wanna fill you in on this one, sir." Mullins said, still grinning. Jack scowled at the soldier and turned back to the Gate. Makepeace's entrance was more dignified than his men's even though he carried two packs, an extra P-90 and flack vest and a pair of muddy boots. Jack eyed his friend as he disencumbered himself from all the gear, handing the weapons over to the techs.

"Problems?" Jack asked as Makepeace stepped over to him.

"Depends on what your definition of a problem is." Makepeace muttered. Jack turned back to the Gate just as Daniel came tripping through, followed closely by either Major Troy or the Swamp Creature from the Black Lagoon. Daniel was yelling bloody murder at the top of his lungs and Jack guessed it was because of Troy's grip on his ear. The Gate shut down behind the two as everyone stared.

"Troy!" Jack barked and her head jerked in his direction. Taking advantage of his captor's distraction, Daniel swept his arm back, knocking the woman over as easily as if she was a rag doll. Without wasting a second, Daniel dove off the embarkation ramp and scuttled under it. Jack turned to Makepeace.

"Okay, what's going on?" He asked, trying to keep his temper in check.

"The usual. Jackson thinks he's six." Makepeace said, stating it matter of factly. The scary thing was that for as far as day to day operations around the SGC went, this sort of thing _was_ usual.

"SEVEN!" Daniel's indignant voice corrected from under the ramp and Makepeace rolled his eyes. Jack sighed and turned back to the body sprawled across the ramp.

"Get up, Troy." Jack snapped. The woman made a few spastic attempts at righting herself before falling back onto the ramp.

"I think I dislocated my whole body." Came the mumbled reply. Cursing under his breath, Jack strode up the ramp and stopped beside the fallen woman.

"Here." Against his better judgment, Jack offered his hand. Troy's muddy one slapped into his, and Jack pulled. She came up, stumbling slightly. Jack slid a hand under her elbow to help balance her, jumping when a static charge zapped him.

"What happened?" Jack asked, keeping a grip on her elbow as Troy wobbled.

"Jackson-" Troy started, but was interrupted by the person under their feet.

"I WANT MY UNCLE JACK!" The voice was Daniel's, the words were foreign. Jack narrowed his gaze on Troy. She was staring at her feet. Jack looked down to see what was so interesting and discovered that she was the one missing the boots.

"_His uncle Jack_?" Jack asked, feeling an irrational urge to commit violence begin to rise inside him. When Troy didn't respond, Jack gave her arm a shake.

"Well, I had to tell him something." Troy snapped, pulling away, her wet socks making funny noises on the as she distanced herself from him.

"So, you told him I was his uncle?" Jack growled, stalking off the ramp after her.

"Yeah, about that…" Jack froze mid-step as Troy's voice trailed off. She turned and he glared.

"Oh, there's more?" Jack asked, voice dripping with false glee. Troy's eyes narrowed on him, expression going from 'CO polite' to 'Insubordinate pissed' in three seconds.

"Yes, sir." Troy said, her voice matching his, malicious tone for malicious tone.

"Oh, well, then please continue, Major." Jack growled.

"_Uncle Jack_ has a girlfriend named Kate." The words didn't register at first and then when they did, Jack's heart stopped. If the people in the Gate room hadn't been paying attention before, they certainly were now.

"And do I get a say in this?" Jack's world had narrowed to contain only the man under the ramp, and the young woman in front of him.

"Oh, believe me, _sweetheart_, I'm thrilled with the situation too" The words were spoken through gritted teeth and Jack didn't doubt that Troy was as unhappy as he was. He barely managed to stop from flinching when she called him 'sweetheart.'

"Uncle Jack?" Daniel's voice interrupted his caustic reply. Sighing, Jack scrubbed a hand across his face.

"Yes, Daniel?" There was a sudden flurry under the ramp and then a mud-covered Daniel raced out. Jack almost fell over as he found himself wrapped in the octopus-like grasp of his 'nephew.' Still staggering from the impact, Jack awkwardly patted Daniel's back as the young man rambled on in typical seven-year old speak.

"You're a natural." Troy muttered, arms folded across her chest. "Sir." She tacked on, when Jack glared at her.

"She's mean." This seemed to be a recurring theme when it came to Troy. Jack looked at her and she shrugged.

"And she said I could have a chocolate bar and then she pushed me through that blue circle and then she was mean and … I don't like her." Daniel blubbered. Jack grunted as Daniel continued crushing his ribcage.

"Trust me Danny, I know how you feel." Jack said as Troy's mouth perked up at the corners. They stood in awkward silence for a few minutes, the only sound being split-splat of mud dripping all over the floor.

"Well, let's see about getting you some clean clothes." Jack said, tugging an arm free and wrapping it around Daniel's shoulders, leading him away. Halfway out of the Gate Room, Daniel stopped and looked back.

"Is the mean lady coming?" Daniel asked, giving Jack an incomprehensible look.

"I thought you didn't like her." Jack said, trying to dial back his annoyance. Only a few more steps and they'd be out from under the prying eyes of the Gate Room technicians and then Jack could go ahead and start the numerous therapy sessions it would require to cleanse his mind of this incident.

"Well, she said I could have a chocolate bar." Daniel was suddenly shy, staring at his boots. Jack tugged on his arm and when Daniel didn't move, he turned towards Troy. She shrugged her shoulders and walked over to them, leaving a trail of mud behind her.

" 'Kay, I'm here." Troy drawled in a less than thrilled way. Jack turned to leave again and was jerked backwards when Daniel didn't move. With a sigh, he turned back around, waiting to see if Daniel wanted to bring Mullins and Lopez while he was at it. The explanation that he got, however, was not what he was expecting.

"Don't you hold hands? That's what my mommy and daddy do." Daniel asked, blinking innocently at Jack. In turn, Jack rolled his head in Troy's direction. She gave him a look that conveyed contempt and disgust on an impressive level. That look was changed to Daniel when he reached out and tugged at the arms that she had tightly folded across her chest.

"Uncle Jack? Don't you hold hands?" Came the question again. Troy's look suggested that if he said yes, she'd break his hand. Jack weighed the consequences while Daniel looked on expectantly.

Twenty-seconds later, Jack had Daniel's hand in his left and Troy's attempt at a vise grip clutching his right as they left the Gate room. Laughter spilled out behind them as the blast door slid shut.


	4. Still holding your hand

_**Vala**__**: Since I'm here, shall we make the best of it?  
**__**Daniel**__**: No, we shalln't.**_

_**Stargate: SG1**_

_**(&)**_

If someone had told Jack O'Neill that morning that by 1530 that afternoon, he'd be sitting in the Infirmary, holding hands with Kate Troy while Daniel sat across from them, biting oral swabs in half, he'd probably have believed them. That was how nutty his life was.

Troy had long since given up trying to squeeze the crap out of his hand and now sat silently beside him as they watched Daniel spit out the end of the saliva-soaked swab with a look of disgust. The nurse assigned to check him over let out an explosion of air and reached for another swab.

"So, why can't you just use the one's he's spitting out?" Troy asked, swinging her legs. Jack had recently become very aware of the watery mud from Troy's BDU's soaking into his, the mud from her gloves leaving dirty trails over his hand, and the fact that she was unusually laid-back considering her current situation.

"Because I can't." The nurse replied, opening another swab with a look of grim determination and bringing it close to Daniel's mouth.

"Yeah, well, good luck with-" With a snap that would have made a Great White shark jealous, Daniel's teeth closed on the swab. "That." Troy finished. The nurse threw her hands in the air and walked away. Daniel spit out the end of the swab and grinned. Jack had often wondered what Daniel was like a kid. Now that he knew, he wished he didn't. Troy had started tapping her fingers against the back of his hand. Jack glanced over at her.

"What?" Jack asked. She raised their joined hands, spattering the front of his BDU's with mud.

"Can I have my hand back? He doesn't really seem to care if we're acting like the perfect couple." Troy asked. Jack let go of her hand instantly.

"What's your name?" Jack turned his head in Daniel's direction. He was staring at Troy. Troy turned around to look behind her to see if Daniel was talking to someone else. Of course, since they were alone in their little corner of the infirmary, she turned back with a resigned expression on her face.

"Kate." Troy didn't sound particularly enthused at her admonition. Daniel was silent for the next little while, staring around the Infirmary with wide eyes, taking everything in. Troy had started drumming her hands on her knees and Jack was just starting to zone out when Daniel turned back to them and asked.

"So, are you gonna be my Aunt Kate?"

_**(&)**_

"No! Don't leave me alone!" Kate leaned against the wall outside Iso Room Four, rubbing her temples. The headache from earlier was back and it had brought friends. Mean, angry friends who played the drums for a heavy-metal band.

"Daniel, I'll be right back. I just have to check something." To say that Colonel O'Neill's voice sounded strained was an understatement. It had been an hour since they'd brought Jackson to the Iso room. She'd barely escaped ten minutes ago, but the Colonel hadn't been so lucky.

"No!" Jackson's bellow dug into her brain and Kate ground her teeth as pain ricocheted through her skull. She inhaled sharply and steeling herself for the upcoming onslaught, stepped into the Iso room, totally unprepared for the sight that met her.

Kate struggled to keep a grin off her face at the sight of Colonel O'Neill standing in the middle of the room with Jackson clinging to his leg, fat tears running down his face. Jackson's face, not the Colonel's, although, the other man didn't look far from bursting into tears. Kate craned her neck, discovering that Jackson was sitting on the Colonel's foot. She'd barely regained her composure before both men noticed her.

"Hi, Daniel. Mind if I borrow your, uh, _Uncle Jack_ for a bit?" She asked, painting her voice with a bright tone that sounded fake and brittle to her.

"No." Jackson stated stubbornly, burying his face in the Colonel's thigh. The look Kate got from her CO was almost pleading.

"Daniel, I need to talk to my…" The word got stuck and Kate cleared her throat before continuing. "I need to talk to my boyfriend." Her voice threatened to cut out on her as she uttered the last word. Despite his position, a smile tugged at the Colonel's mouth. Well, at least someone was finding the situation amusing. She certainly wasn't.

"No, 'cause he's _my_ Uncle Jack and I got him and you can't have him." Jackson said, his lower lip sticking out far enough for a death glider to land on it. Colonel O'Neill's face fell and he took on the look of a man resigned to his fate. Kate cursed the 'good Samaritan' side of her brain that occasionally popped up and made her do the right thing and exhaled sharply.

"Look, it's been a real long day and, well, Daniel, I really need to kiss my boyfriend." Kate said, stepping forward quickly before she could talk herself out of it and wrapping her arms around the Colonel's waist. "So, you can either watch or get out of the way." She wasn't sure who looked more surprised, Colonel O'Neill or Jackson.

"Are you two really gonna kiss?" Jackson asked, looking up at them, the disgust plain on his face. Kate tried not to tense as Colonel O'Neill slid an arm around her waist, his fingers splayed across her ribcage. She twitched as his thumb brushed a ticklish spot.

"Oh, yes, lots of kissing and hugging." The strain in Colonel O'Neill's voice had raised to a whole new level and Kate felt his fingers press against her side with increasing pressure. Jackson eyed them both, his eyes narrowing as he could smell the lie. Kate was seriously starting to regret her decision to put herself in this situation as it started to look more and more like she was actually going to have to kiss the Colonel. Apparently, growing impatient with the lack of Jackson moving, the Colonel slid a hand under her chin and tilted her face up towards his. He was just leaning down, his mouth inches from hers when Jackson apparently decided that he'd seen enough.

"Gross!" Jackson shouted and releasing his claw-like grip on the Colonel's leg, scuttled back to the nearby hospital bed like a crab. Kate blinked as the Colonel pulled back and started moving towards the door. The shock of almost being kissed by her CO rapidly wore off as she reminded herself that there was still a imminent threat around.

"Come on, honey." Colonel O'Neill ground out, keeping his arm around her waist as he all but dragged her from the room. Once out of view of Jackson, they leaped apart.

"I'd thank you for the rescue, but I'm struggling with an overwhelming desire to kill you." Colonel O'Neill said, his eyes flashing dangerously. Kate's headache intensified.

"Look," Kate said, stepping further away in case he decided to risk a court-martial and go through with his threat. "Lopez told him I was your girlfriend. I just went along 'cause it was easier than dragging his ass back to the Gate." Judging by his expression, Colonel O'Neill wasn't swayed by her argument.

"Where'd the Uncle Jack thing come from?" The Colonel snapped, throwing his hands in the air. Kate flinched and took a step back, but the other man didn't seem notice. She told herself it was the headache that was making her so jumpy. He wasn't really going to hurt her… she hoped.

"You were supposed to be watching him!" O'Neill yelled, making an angry motion with his hands. Kate refrained from cringing this time, but before she could get a grip on her mouth, the infamous Troy temper took over and she yelled back.

"Oh, so it's my fault that your stupid archaeologist made a mistake?! I'll have you know that I watched him all day long. I stepped out for four minutes and in the time that I was gone, your dumb-ass egghead went and fried his brain! There is no way you're gonna pin this on me. You want someone to blame, go yell at Jackson." Turning on the heel of her boot, Kate started to stomp off.

"Major." The commanding tone in Colonel O'Neill's voice was unmistakable. Pausing mid-step, Kate reluctantly turned around, waiting for the inevitable dress-down. His face was impassive, but despite the fact that she'd just yelled at him, Kate detected a hint of a smile around his mouth.

"I'm sorry, sir. It's…" Kate's voice trailed off and she shrugged.

"I understand, Major. Go get something for that headache." O'Neill ordered and Kate blinked at him. Expecting a thorough tongue-lashing, she'd found understanding.

"Sir?" She asked, not sure if she'd heard him correctly. A ghost of a smile manifested itself for a few seconds before it disappeared.

"I'd recommend Advil." He said. Kate nodded and backed away, slowly, still waiting to be yelled at. Halfway down the hall, she turned and walked away. When no words followed her, Kate sighed in relief and headed for the Infirmary.

_**(&)**_

Jack watched until Troy was out of sight before he turned to the SF standing next to the Iso room door.

"Sergeant?" The young man's eyes flicked to him and his body stiffened at being addressed by a CO. "Do I by any chance have the word 'stupid' written across my forehead?" Jack asked. The SF's forehead wrinkled in confusion.

"Sir?" The man asked, sounding much like Troy had a few seconds earlier.

"Never mind." Jack said. The wrinkle of worry between the SF's eyebrows didn't dissipate, but he nodded and returned to his guardian stance. Jack walked away, but his words drifted back to the man.

"Always been a sucker for a damsel in distress." With a slight smile, the young sergeant tucked those words away. Just in case.


	5. Babysitting Duty

_**Jack:**__** I'm telling you, Teal'c, if we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm going to lose it. 'Lose it'. It means go crazy. Nuts. Insane. Bonzo. No longer in possession of one's faculties. Three fries short of a happy meal. Wacko!!!**_

_**-Stargate: SG1**_

_**(&)**_

"How 'bout now?" Kate blinked as the penlight's blinding beam vanished from her eye and gave a non-committal grunt. The penlight appeared in her left eye a few seconds later.

"Crap, it doesn't hurt that bad when you stare into the sun." Kate muttered, rubbing her watering eyes as the light was once again removed.

"Somehow you staring into the sun doesn't surprise me, Kate." Dr. Gracie Price sounded amused as she tilted Kate's head from side to side. Kate winced as a knot at the base of her neck shifted, sending a wave of pain down her back.

"That hurt?" Gracie asked, running practiced fingers over the tender spot. Kate winced and arched away from the searching digits.

"Yes, so stop touching it." She snapped. Gracie's eyebrows rose and Kate sighed.

"I probably just wrenched it wrestling with Jackson." She explained, closing her eyes as Gracie brought the penlight out again. A search of her throat, ears, and nose revealed nothing conclusive and Kate stuck her tongue out, trying to get rid of the taste of wooden tongue depressors.

"Well, you've got a nasty goose-egg on the back of your head, but I don't think you have a concussion. I'm gonna give you some Tylenol Three and you're gonna go home, take tomorrow off and get some rest, okay?" Gracie's tone of voice came across as more of an order than a suggestion. Kate sighed and nodded.

"Good. Wait here." Kate kicked her legs as she waited for the prescription to arrive. Fighting back a yawn, she stared at a spot on the wall until her vision blurred. The next thing she knew, a hand was waving through her field of vision. Blinking back to reality, she found Gracie standing in front of her, a smile on her face.

"What?" Kate asked, not liking the look on her friend's face.

"Colonel O'Neill has not so politely requested your presence in Iso room four." Gracie said, her eyes sparkling. Kate groaned and held her hand out for the pills.

_**(&)**_

"Daniel. Dan- Danny! It's only for a little while. Let go." Kate let her forehead drop onto the desk in the observation room as for the third time that day Colonel O'Neill tried to extricate himself from the grasp of his 'nephew.'

"What was wrong with my idea to sedate him?" She mumbled into the matte finish of the tabletop. Even if she couldn't see it, Kate sensed Janet Fraiser glaring at the back of her head.

"What?" Kate protested, head still on the table. "I'm just saying it would make this whole thing much easier." The sensation of being glared at continued. A loud bellow from the speaker made Kate's head snap up and she watched as the Colonel made a mad dash for the door. The orderlies at the door stopped Jackson from following his 'uncle.'

"Look, Major, Daniel has the mental acuity of a child. If we sedate him, it would only confuse him more." Fraiser said, stress and annoyance evident in her voice.

"Sedate him?" Colonel O'Neill's hopeful voice broke the tension of the room.

"No such luck. Doc says he'll get worse." Kate said, raising her head and spinning around. Colonel O'Neill sank into the chair next to her with a sigh. He looked even more tired than she felt.

"Doc, I'm gonna smack him if he grabs me again." He said, slouching down in the chair. Kate gave her CO a sideways look that was vaguely in the 'nanner-nanner-boo-boo' category. Now, she wasn't the only one who knew what it felt like.

"Join the club." Kate muttered, voicing her opinion as she propped her feet up on the table.

"I was kind of hoping that you'd warmed up to him, Major." Kate tipped her head back and glared at Colonel O'Neill. He smiled in return.

"Don't finish that sentence, sir." Kate said, giving him the dirtiest look possible. If anything, his grin grew bigger. From her inverted position, it looked like a frown.

"Major, in case you've forgotten, I have seniority. I can make it an order. Besides it's only for a little while." O'Neill said, his false sincerity not fooling her in the least.

"He hates me." Kate wasn't usually given to whining, but she had a strong urge to throw herself on the ground and pitch a fit. Of course, knowing that would bring back the headache that a handful of aspirin had dulled, she wisely refrained. The Tylenol Three was waiting until she was home in bed and not at risk of injuring someone should she give into her drugged hallucinations.

"Anyone he doesn't know is going to send him into fits. You wouldn't want to send him into fits, would you, Major?" Colonel O'Neill asked, smiling smugly.

"He's gonna have fits anyway when he sees me." Kate muttered, turning back around to glare at Jackson who was dumping grape juice on his bed.

_**(&)**_

The sandwich in front of her held no appeal. Kate pushed a piece of turkey around with her finger as she stared into the depths of her coffee cup.

"Can't be that bad." Tilting her head, Kate peered up at the man who stood next to her table.

"Uh-huh." She grunted and went back to playing with the piece of turkey. Setting his tray down, Makepeace dropped into the chair across from her.

"You usually look…" He trailed off as if unable to describe what she usually looked like. "Well, less pissed off." He finished.

"Yep, Susie friggin' Sunshine. That's me." Kate said, dropping a piece of lettuce into her coffee cup and watched it float.

"What's wrong?" Makepeace asked around a bite of his own sandwich.

"I have to baby sit Jackson." Kate said.

"Doesn't sound so bad. I mean, you can distract him with Sesame Street." Makepeace said, giving her a grin. Kate sighed heavily.

"Oh, and I almost kissed Colonel O'Neill." Even though her gaze was on the debris floating in her beverage, Kate didn't miss the sudden choking fit that overtook her CO.

"Kissed him?" Another body joined them at the table. Kate sighed and scooted over, making room for Mullins.

"I'd really like to forget about it though, so let's talk about something else." Kate said, tearing off a piece of turkey and adding it to her cup.

"How'd you almost kiss Colonel O'Neill?" Mullins asked, sticking his fork in the middle of the large salad on his tray.

"Didn't I just say I wanted to talk about something else?" Kate asked, glaring at her subordinate. He shrugged and took a bite of ranch saturated lettuce.

"How about them Yankees?" Mullins asked, offering an unwelcome view of his dinner. Kate rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the side.

"You need to pick a different baseball team." She said, stirring her coffee with her finger. Mullins shrugged again.

"I can't help it. A-Rod's just so dreamy." Mullins said, fluttering his eyelashes at her. Kate shook her head, but a tiny smile made her mouth twitch.

"You strike as more a Derek Jeter fan." She said, scooping a French fry off her plate and shoving it into her mouth.

"Well, they're both just so cute." Mullins said, his voice adopting a distinctly feminine tone. Kate grinned full on this time.

"Who's cute?" Lopez dropped into the chair next to Colonel Makepeace who'd been watching the exchange with a horrified look.

"Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez." Kate confirmed, picking up the remains of her tattered sandwich, her appetite rearing to life. Before she could take a bite, however, the intercom blared.

"Major Troy to Iso Room 4. Major Troy to Isol Room 4." Everything she'd eaten suddenly threatened to come back up again.

"Here." Lopez pushed something at her across the table. It was a King-size Hershey bar. He shrugged and blushed faintly when Kate gave him an inquisitive look.

"I kinda owe you for the 'girlfriend' thing." Lopez said, and busied himself with his dinner. Shaking her head, but feeling slightly better about her upcoming mission, Kate headed for Iso Room 4.


	6. Locked in a small space with an idiot

_**Danny Messer**__**: There's one thing I hate more than running... leaping.**_

_**CSI: NY**_

_**(&)**_

"He's eating." Kate stood outside Iso Room Four, eyeing the woman in front of her with horror.

"Are you sure _he's_ eating?" Kate asked, reaching out and picking a green bean out of Gracie's wild black hair.

"Shut up." The other woman scowled. Kate bit down on her lip in an attempt to keep from laughing as she tossed the green bean to the airman who guarded the door. He fumbled it and then just stood there, staring at the vegetable like he was expecting it to do something dangerous so he could shoot it.

"So, just out of curiosity is this what dinner time is like at your house?" Kate asked, folding her arms across her chest. Gracie scowled again.

"Oh, you guys actually keep your food on the plates?" Kate continued her ribbing as Gracie brushed gravy off her lab coat. With a look that suggested retribution, Gracie turned and stalked off. Kate watched her vanish around the corner shedding mashed potatoes and green beans with a grin.

"There is no way this can be that bad." Kate muttered and stepped up to the door, letting it open just enough for her to slide through.

"Fire!" A mound green beans, mashed potatoes, and meatloaf splattered across her chest like a victim who'd been near an exploding buffet table. With a little whimper, Kate looked down at her formerly white t-shirt.

"Oh, that is so gross." Kate muttered, scraping it off. Sunday dinner with her parents was officially ruined. Looking at the food that now covered her combat boots, she scowled.

"Jackson!" Kate yelled, looking around the room. There weren't many places for him to hide in the brightly decorated room and she finally located him in the corner hiding behind a pile of stuffed Sesame Street characters. He peered out from around a fuzzy blue Cookie Monster and grinned at her.

"You can't make me stop." Jackson said, rising to reveal another handful of mashed potatoes in his hand.

"I swear to God, that if you throw that at me…" Kate left the sentence hanging in an implied threat as Jackson cocked his arm back. A glop of sticky whiteness slapped her in the neck and Kate wiped it away with a growl.

"Airman!" Kate bellowed, never taking her eyes off Jackson. The door slid open and Airman Kyle Harding stepped in, hand on his sidearm as if expecting trouble. Trouble came in the form of mashed potatoes. Harding wiped it away with a noise of disgust, before narrowing his gaze on a wildly giggling Jackson.

"Duck!" Harding grabbed her by the arm as Jackson launched his fork at her. Stumbling into Harding, Kate let him drag her behind the minimal cover of a nearby toy-box. He crouched next to her, apparently trying to decide whether or not the silverware launching Jackson was a threat.

"Jackson, if you don't stop it right now, I am going to…" Kate trailed off, unable to come up with a suitable threat that would satisfy her annoyance and properly terrify Jackson. Apparently, silence wasn't that suitable threat and Jackson hurled his spoon at her. It bounced off the rim of the toy-box and caught her in the shoulder. For being an egg-head, the man had an arm that would make Randy Johnson jealous.

"You're gonna put an eye out!" Kate bellowed and then mentally winced for sounding like her mother, something she'd sworn to never do.

"You sound like my mommy." Jackson yelled back, his laughter mixing with his words. Another handful of potatoes hit her in the face and Kate snapped.

"That's it!" Kate yelled as she surged up from behind the box and stormed across the room towards Jackson. He squeaked and scrambled past her, heading for the…

"SHIT!" Kate yelled at the top of her lungs as Jackson charged out the still open door, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"I am going to kill you, you little pain in the ass!" The words echoed down the hallway as a barefoot Daniel Jackson dashed past astounded personnel, followed by a very angry, mashed-potatoes covered Marine major.

Kate followed Jackson into the Gate room, just as the Gate engaged and a wormhole erupted outwards and he stopped dead in his tracks, staring. Kate headed for him. As if suddenly remembering his mission, Jackson headed for the event horizon.

Luckily, before Jackson could run through the Gate and attempt to prove the laws of physics wrong, Teal'c stepped out. Jackson bounced off the Jaffa like a ball, somehow managing to stay on his feet. Kate increased her speed, heading straight for her target.

Unfortunately, her quarry screamed at the sight of the Jaffa and dove off the ramp, leaving Kate to slam into Teal'c's chest and then land on her butt after the collision.

"Uh, Kate?" Kate looked over at Major Sam Carter as the Gate shut off behind them, then she looked up at the Jaffa who stood peering down on her.

"Where the hell …" A giggle sent Kate springing to her feet as Jackson made a break for it.

"Don't ask!" She yelled, cutting off Sam's question and took off after Jackson. Trailing him down the hallway, she grinned as he ran into a door on the left.

"Gotcha." Kate whispered and followed him in. The door slammed shut behind her and she whirled around as total darkness closed in on her.

"MONSTER!" Jackson yelled from close by and Kate turned around, trying to find him in the inky blackness.

"I'm gonna monster you, you little brat." Kate growled, groping blindly in the dark for a grasp of his jacket or better yet, his hair. She was saved the trouble when Jackson suddenly wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in the side of her neck.

"Kate?" The voice that whispered against her neck was quivering with fear. Kate just managed to keep from thumping him on the side of the head as her anger saturated brain acknowledged the fact that Jackson was scared.

"It's okay. I'm here." Kate said, struggling to dial back her anger as she patted the shoulder of the man clinging to her. She didn't know exactly how comforting her words were because quite frankly, she wouldn't want to be locked in a dark closet with herself.

"It's dark." Jackson mumbled. She winced as the ear piece of his glasses dug into her shoulder.

"I know, but here's the door and we'll just…" Kate trailed off as she tried the handle, only to find it locked. A few choice curses spilled out of her mouth and Jackson's grip tightened.

"Do you hate me? Is this something to get back at me for not going to the Christmas service? Is that it? Because I am inches from becoming an atheist!" Kate yelled at the ceiling. Jackson woofed out a tiny giggle against her neck.

"Jackson, we're locked in a closet with no way to get out. I find nothing about this situation humorous." Jackson giggled again and Kate flicked his ear. The ensuing bellow of over-exaggerated pain gave her reason not to do it again.

"Major Troy!?" A voice called from out in the hallway and Kate reached over, slapping the concrete wall before managing to hit the door with her first.

"In here!" She called, nursing her stinging palm.

"Kate?" Sam's voice came through the door.

"Will you just get me out of here?!" Kate called, shifting Jackson so he wasn't overbalancing her.

"Yeah, about that…" Sam's voice trailed off in uncertainly.

"Sam, I will kill. I can guarantee that." Kate called. A furiously whispered conversation ensued on the other side.

"Look, Kate, this door doesn't use a key card slot and we can't find the key." Sam called. Kate threw her head back and let out a screech of frustration.

"Kate, you didn't do anything, did you?" Sam called, sounding worried.

"Just get me out of here!" Kate yelled, hitting the door with the flat of her hand. Wincing as the metal struck her already sore hand, Kate winced, trying to maneuver in the small room with a still clinging Jackson.

"Please don't be mad." Jackson's quiet voice stopped her from kicking the door and Kate sighed.

"I'm not mad." She said, rubbing her temples.

"You's not s'pose to lie." Jackson said and Kate could tell without having to see him that his lower lip was sticking out.

"Fine. I'm mad, okay? I'm mad that I had to chase you through the SGC. I'm mad that you threw your food at me and that you tried to kill me with a fork. I'm mad that you went and turned into a little kid without asking my permission. I'm mad that…" Kate ran out of things to be mad about five minutes later and ended up sitting on the floor between a box of toilet paper and Jackson who was still clinging to her.

"Can I tell you what I'm mad about?" Jackson asked tentatively.

"Sure." Kate patted his arm. The man beside her took a deep breath before the proverbial floodgates opened and he started going a hundred miles a minute.

"I'm mad that my mom an' dad don't pay attention to me and that I don't have any friends and that everyone breaks their promises and that you don't like me." Kate groaned and laid her head back against the wall. Add guilt to her headache and you had a cocktail for a sick day.

"Yeah, well, it's, it's gonna be okay." She said, sliding an arm around his shoulders. He immediately responded to the physical contact, snuggling up against her and with a heavy sigh of contentment, shoved his thumb in his mouth and proceeded to talk around it.

" 'Ou know, you'th not tho mean. And my Unca Dack hath good tathte in women." Kate laughed at his comment. Jackson continued to babble meaninglessly until he fell asleep, clinging to her like a lifeline. Smiling to herself, Kate allowed her eyes to drift shut and she soon fell asleep to the sound of people working on the door.


	7. Cereal up the nose

_**Sam: 'Kids are the best?' You don't even like kids**_

_**Dean: I love kids.**_

_**Sam: Name three children that you even know.**_

_**Dean: … I'm thinking!**_

_**-Supernatural**_

_**(&)**_

"Stop pouring salt in your cereal." Kate reached over and after a tug-of-war, took the salt shaker away from Jackson who'd been experimenting with his breakfast. He scowled at her and then went back to mixing the salt, milk and cornflakes with his spoon.

"You know, if I had any maternal tendencies at all, I'd make you eat that." Kate muttered, turning to the grapefruit in front of her and plucking out a section, tossing it into her mouth.

"How can you eat that?" Kate licked grapefruit juice away from her bottom lip as Colonel O'Neill walked up their table, his own tray loaded down with Fruit Loops, chocolate milk and coffee. Cringing as she remembered her promise to drop a few pounds to fit more comfortably into her sister-in-law's tightly laced bridesmaid dress, Kate stabbed at the grapefruit in front of her.

"Bridesmaid's dress." Kate muttered, taking another bite. The older man grimaced, but didn't say anything. Jackson ignored Colonel O'Neill completely as he played with the pepper shaker. Kate deftly swept it away from her charge, sliding it down the long table towards a group of nurses who looked over at her and giggled. With a heavy sigh, Kate turned back to her breakfast. Colonel O'Neill was smiling when she looked up at him.

"What?" Kate snapped. He nodded at Jackson. Kate looked over just in time to drag the archaeologist's hands away before he succeeded in putting a cornflake up his nose. Grimacing, she tossed it away and wiped her hands on Daniel's sleeve.

"You were looking a little forlorn there, Troy." Colonel O'Neill said, taking a big bite of his cereal. Kate eyed him, wondering if he was making fun of her again. But when he looked up, all she saw was genuine interest. Shrugging, she picked up her spoon again and dug into her grapefruit… only to promptly spit it out onto her tray. She choked as she reached for her water, scowled at the man beside her and instead reached for Colonel O'Neill's chocolate milk. He protested as she swallowed it, trying to rid her mouth of the taste of pepper and grapefruit. Beside her, Jackson roared with laughter as Kate wiped at her tongue.

Before Kate could smack him like she wanted to, Janet Fraiser arrived at the table and she was forced to curb her violent tendencies under the hawkish eye of the diminutive doctor.

"How are you today, Daniel?" Fraiser asked with a smile. Jackson smiled shyly at her and buried his face in Kate's arm. Kate sighed and started peeling away his fingers, one at a time.

"Oh, he's great. As a matter of fact, Daniel was just mentioning how much he wanted to spend some time with his Uncle Jack. What do you think about that Daniel? He said he couldn't wait to play tag with you." Kate said, trying to keep the grin off her face as she worked. Jackson's whoop of excitement was a direct contrast to the look of horror on Colonel O'Neill's face. Taking her tainted fruit and smiling innocently at Colonel O'Neill, Kate turned and walked away, feeling her CO staring a hole in her back.

'Serves him right,' Kate thought smugly as she dumped her ruined breakfast into the garbage can and slid the tray down the chute to the kitchen. Tossing her hair over her shoulders and without so much as a backwards glance, Kate marched out of the commissary on a mission to find someone who understood her trials and tribulations.

_**(&)**_

"Congratulations." Kate paused a few steps into Sam's lab and looked at her friend warily. She wasn't sure if it was sarcasm or actual glee in Sam's voice.

"For what?" Kate asked, climbing onto the stool next to her friend. Digging through the stuff on the desk, Kate narrowed her eyes at the white sock she pulled out of the mess.

"Don't ask." Sam said, snatching the sock away and tossing it behind them. Kate shrugged and continued digging.

"So, what were the congratulations for?" Kate asked as Sam readjusted the knobs on her microscope. Kate found another sock underneath a screwdriver set and tossed it over her shoulder to be with its partner.

"There's a betting pool on when you're gonna sleep with Colonel O'Neill." Sam replied.

"You been reading Nora Roberts again?" Kate asked, securing a legal pad and sharpie from the bottom of the pile. Propping her feet up on the rungs of the stool, she uncapped the pen and started to draw.

"Like I have the time." Sam muttered with a fairly heavy level of sarcasm, adjusting the knobs again.

"Well, I suppose that's fair since I put money in the pool on _you and him_ sleeping together." Kate replied and got a pen thrown at her.

"Smart ass." Sam said, returning her gaze to the microscope. They worked together quietly with Sam occasionally muttering numbers and calculations and Kate balling up failed drawings and pitching them at the wastebasket.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" Sam asked, seemingly innocently enough and Kate shrugged in reply.

"Probably gonna rent romance comedies and throw popcorn at the TV when they do romantic stuff." Kate said, adding a tail to the picture she was drawing.

"Want some company?" Sam asked, scribbling something else on the pad.

"Your date fell through, didn't it?" Kate asked, glancing at her friend.

"He's… indisposed." Sam said, not meeting her gaze. For weeks Sam had refused to tell her the name of this mysterious boyfriend and Kate had initially doubted that the man was real until she'd seen the silly smile that Sam walked around with. That had pretty much confirmed the man's existence.

"_Uh-huh. Sure._" Kate said, adding horns to her drawing. Before she could add the pitchfork, the intercom blared.

"Major Troy to the Infirmary. Say again, Major Troy to the Infirmary." Groaning, Kate slid the legal pad over to Sam as she unhooked her legs from the stool and slid to the floor.

"I swear to Spock, if it's Daniel, I'm gonna kill him." She muttered, traipsing lazily out the door to the sound of Sam's laughter.

_**(&)**_

"Get out from under the bed. Now!" Jack tried not to watch Troy on her hands and knees beside the bed. Instead, he blinked and focused on the wall above the bed. The last thing he needed was for Troy to catch him ogling her.

"I said, 'now', Jackson!" And Jack grinned. It was no wonder that Troy wasn't a mother. He was actually starting to wonder what would happen if they just turned her loose on the System Lords. Probably save the United States military a whole lot of trouble.

"What do you mean 'stuck'?" Jack had to bite his lip to keep from smiling as Kate crawled under the bed with her backside sticking out. Once again, he had to drag his gaze back to the wall. The fact that Troy had a curvy body was not entirely lost on him or it appeared neither was it lost on the SF's stationed just inside the doors.

"Daniel, you're the reason I'm never having children." Troy muttered as she backed out from under the bed, dragging a dusty and disheveled Daniel. Still unused to the fact that his best friend tried to shove strange things up his nose, Jack watched in fascination.

"You're being mean." Daniel whined, climbing onto the bed and kicking his legs against the metal frame. Jack eyed the cobwebs clinging to his friend's hair.

"You're being annoying." Kate shot back, leaning against the bed next to him. It was amazing that in the four short days since Daniel had gone kid, he and Troy seemed to have formed a bond that stymied everyone on base. Granted, it was usually a violent and loudly yelling bond, but it was a bond nonetheless.

"Stupid head." Daniel snapped. Kate shook her head, rubbing her temples like the mere act of having a conversation was killing her.

"That was real mature." Kate said, tucking loose hair behind her ears. Jack grinned.

"Will you two stop?" Janet Fraiser said as she came into the room, looking worn out. Jack felt sorry for her. Fraiser had been working on a solution to the 'Daniel' problem almost constantly. He didn't think she'd slept in a while. Troy voiced his concerns.

"Hey, Doc, when was the last time you slept?" Troy asked, hands on her hips. Daniel giggled and both women shot him dirty looks.

"You're in trouble." Daniel crowed, grinning at Fraiser.

"Stick your thumb in your mouth." Troy said, eyes still on Fraiser. Jack wisely stayed silent. For all the harshness that Troy exuded, Jack had a feeling that underneath, she was a teddy bear. Daniel took Troy's advice to heart, sticking his thumb in his mouth looking back and forth between Kate and Fraiser. Jack winced and made a mental note to erase all security footage. Daniel was not going to be happy when they got him back.

"Who's the doctor here?" Fraiser said, her voice lacking any command.

"Oh, that might've worked… if I were still five." Troy said, adopting a 'don't-argue-with-me-or-I'll-knock-you-out' tone that Jack had come to recognize. "As it stands now, I'm your senior officer and I'm ordering you to get sleep. Now."

Fraiser looked like she was getting ready to argue, but Troy had her by the elbow before she could get her mouth open and manhandled her towards her office.

"One more word and I let Daniel play anesthesiologist." Troy threatened as she pushed Fraiser into her office. Jack shuddered.

"You's girfwiend's scary, Unca Dack." Daniel said, thumb still firmly shoved in his mouth. Jack sighed.

"Yes, she is, Daniel. Yes, she is."


	8. In which Daniel beats up Kate

_**King: Wessex, take 10,000 men and pillage Geneva.**_

_**Lord Chiswick: But the Swiss are our allies, my lord.**_

_**King: Oh, yes. Well, get them to dress up as Germans.**_

_**-Black Adder**_

_**(&)**_

Kate woke up when Colonel O'Neill opened the passenger door to his truck. With a grimace that she was fairly certain was supposed to be a smile, he reached across her and unbuckled her seatbelt. She scowled at him as he offered her a hand, but accepted it and helped her down from the truck.

"Stop babying me." Kate managed to mutter as they moved at a pace that rivaled that of a snail, his arm wrapped around her waist. Jackson's adventures for the day had sent her on a wild goose chase through the SGC's automotive bay. After all that, Kate had taken a tumble off the top of a transport truck that the man had taken refuge on top of and earned herself a sprained wrist, a bruised hip, and numerous aches and pains.

"Believe me, this isn't babying you." Colonel O'Neill grunted as he let go of her, dug the keys out of her jacket pocket and unlocked the front door.

"Oh, watch out for…" Kate trailed off as her dog, the Great Dane known as The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy burst through the front door and hit Colonel O'Neill, knocking him to the porch.

"Never mind." Kate mumbled as she walked into the dark house. Behind her, Colonel O'Neill wrestled with Silly Piggy. Kate staggered into the living room and collapsed on the couch, curling around one of her pillows. The pain-killers had kicked in on the ride home and she was fuzzy all over.

"Troy!" Colonel O'Neill's yell echoed down the hall and into the living room.

"Silly Piggy!" Kate called, mouth full of cotton. The sound of toenails clicking on the hardwood floor announced the arrival of Piggy. He jumped onto the couch, curling up beside her with his head nestled on her calves. O'Neill appeared moments later, looking slightly disheveled as he walked into the living room and leaned against one of her chairs.

"I forgot about Piggy." Kate mumbled, her drooping eyelids cutting off her view of the Colonel from the chest up.

"Yeah, sure." The man muttered. Then with a heavy sigh, he straightened and moved to her. Suddenly Kate found his face inches away from hers and she wrinkled her nose.

"C'mon, let's get you in bed." Colonel O'Neill said, sliding a hand under her elbow. Kate pried one eye all the way open and blinked at him.

" 'Scuse me?" She slurred. A real smile crossed the Colonel's face and Kate gave him a sloppy one in return. He shook his head.

"Don't be getting any ideas, Troy." The man said as he picked her up. Kate almost put up a fight, but she was so sleepy that she finally just let her head rest against his chest. A few minutes later, Kate was in bed, the comforter pulled to her chin.

"I'm coming by …" Whatever else the Colonel said was lost as Kate fell asleep.

_**(&)**_

Captain Jack Sparrow swaggered towards her, grinning broadly. A half-empty bottle of rum dangled loosely in his left hand and in his right hand was a beautiful bouquet of dark red roses. He got close enough for her to see the gold glinting on his teeth, the drops of rum on the inside of the bottle… and then he shouted.

"TROY!"

Discovering that she couldn't flail because her hands were captured in the rough palms of someone else, Kate's eyes flew open to find Colonel O'Neill's face inches from hers. She stared at him, still half-asleep.

"You sleep like a rock, Troy." He said, pulling back and releasing her hands. Kate looked at them and then back up at him.

"You were probably already asleep last night when I told you that I was coming over this morning." The Colonel said, probably in deference to the confusion on her face. "Oh, and I brought a friend." He added.

A whoop of laughter was all that announced Jackson's arrival just seconds before he jumped on the bed and then on her. Kate winced as every single ache and pain from yesterday before came back full force. Rolling her face into her pillow, she groaned.

"Jack, get him off the bed." Face still pressed to the pillow, Kate didn't miss the incredulity in Colonel O'Neill's voice as he replied.

"Jack? You're calling me Jack now?" Kate grunted into her pillow. 'Ooops,' her brain said.

"Sorry. Can you please just get him off the bed?" She asked, moving to catch a glimpse of her CO.

"Okay, Danny, you remember the drill. Kate's not feeling good, so play nice." He said. Kate winced again as Jackson clambered off her. Rumbling out of the room laughing with delight, Jackson was followed closely by Silly Piggy.

"Troy." Kate peeked out from underneath her hair and found Colonel O'Neill crouched next to the bed again.

"Not getting out of bed." She muttered, her aching body protest at the thought.

"I didn't ask you too." Colonel O'Neill said. "Fraiser sent more pain pills and I have grapefruit in the kitchen. That's about the only incentive for you to get out of bed." He said, shrugging apologetically.

"I hate you." Kate mumbled, rolling onto her stomach and turning her head away.

"You mentioned that last night when Fraiser was patching you up." He said, sounding amused.

"I know," Kate muttered. "I just thought I should remind you." She heard him push to his feet.

"See you in the kitchen, Troy."

Kate listened to him walk out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him and then started muttering about all the things that she hated about Daniel Jackson and Jack O'Neill.

_**(&)**_

Jack looked up as Troy stumbled into the kitchen, her awkward gait suggesting that the hip she'd landed on the night before was hurting worse than she was willing to say. Jack had been helping coordinate with the SF's to trap Daniel when Troy had landed at his feet. The fact that she had no broken bones was a miracle. The fact that Daniel had no broken bones was a miracle.

Tugging up the waistband of her baggy sweats, Troy took a seat at the kitchen table across from Daniel who was munching through a massive cinnamon roll with help from Troy's dog. Jack himself was leaning against the kitchen counter, eating a chocolate muffin, his coffee cup beside him. The dog had stopped trying to get food out of Jack after he'd given it his patented 'Colonel' stare. Troy shot him a dirty look as she pulled her grapefruit close and picked up her spoon. Then she turned her attention to Daniel.

"You're gonna make my dog fat." Troy mumbled, scooping up a piece of fruit. Jack tried to ignore the way her tongue darted out to catch a drop of juice on her lower lip. Daniel shot Troy a curious look before dropping a giant piece of pastry into the dog's yawing mouth. Unfortunately for Daniel, it appeared that Troy was on her last nerve.

"One more piece and I stab you with my spoon." Daniel paused as if sensing Troy's annoyance and then dropped another piece. Troy lunged, not even getting close as Daniel leaped up and ran into the living room, followed by the dog. Jack moved quickly, reaching out and catching Troy under the elbow, stopping her descent. Not so gently, Jack plopped Troy back in her chair and glared at her.

"I gave him fair warning." She said, stabbing her fruit. Some juice splattered the front of her white wife-beater.

"You scare me, Troy." Jack said, grabbing his mug and taking a seat across from her.

"Okay," Troy said, waving her spoon at him. "Stop calling me Troy. Mi nombre es Kate. Besides, we're not on base." She said, sounding surprisingly lucid for two pain pills that she'd just popped with a stolen sip of his coffee.

"Fine." Jack said, wondering how he was going to keep from calling her Kate at work. Before he had time to figure that out, there was a loud crash from the direction of the living room. Troy, no, Jack corrected himself, Kate, sighed and slowly rose to her feet.

"Hey, where you going?" Jack called after her as she trudged back down the hall towards her bedroom. He caught a glimpse of the tattoo on her left shoulder as her hair swayed with her movement.

"Back to bed." Kate called. Jack sighed and took another drink of coffee. Looked like clean up duty was all on him.


	9. We're on a Cookie Quest

_**Andrew: I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They're really good.**_

_**Spike: Not as good as those onion blossom things.**_

_**Andrew: Ooh, I love those.  
Spike: Yeah, me, too**_

_**Andrew: It's an onion… and it's a flower. I don't understand how such a thing is possible.**_

_**Spike: See, the genius of it is you soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it root-side up for about five minutes.**_

_**Andrew: Masterful.**_

_**Spike: Yeah. Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you.**_

_**Andrew: Right.**_

_**-Buffy the Vampire Slayer**_

_**(&)**_

Kate lay sprawled on a deck chair as she watched Daniel race from one end of the backyard to the other, followed closely by Silly Piggy. The tacky lawn gnome her mother had given her in an attempt to civilize her jungle-esque backyard lay in pieces on the deck beside her after a run-in with Daniel's boots. She wasn't quite sure when he became Daniel instead of Jackson in her mind, but the change seemed to have followed knocking her head against the trunk of her car, so she was chalking it up to blunt force trauma.

Colonel O'Neill had left two hours ago, claiming that he had to go check things on the base. Kate was pretty sure it had been an excuse to get away from her and Daniel. A loud barking drew her attention to the left and she sighed.

"Stop chasing the dog with the hose!" Kate yelled, her voice thick. Before he'd left, Colonel O'Neill had ordered her to take a pain pill, and soon after everything had taken on Disney cartoon look. The sun was warm and Kate found herself starting to fall asleep.

Suddenly, Daniel yelped and Kate erupted from her seat, ignoring the pain that jolted through her and raced across the yard. Daniel was sitting in the grass, clutching his hand to his chest and hiccupping. Kate dropped to the ground next to him, searching for injuries. Daniel held up a finger with a red lump on it, tears streaming down his face. Kate almost laughed in relief at the sight of the bee sting.

"It's okay." Kate said, her sudden movement catching up with her by way of a sharp pain in her hip. Daniel's shaking lower lip just added to the picture. Reaching out, Kate patted Daniel's shoulder. He seemed reassured by her touch.

"Let's run it under cold water." Kate said and Daniel agreed, still hiccupping through his tears. He clung to her as they slowly trudged back towards the house.

_**(&)**_

That was it. Any earlier lovey-dovey feelings that Kate had exuded toward Jackson were gone as was her ability to refer to him by his first name. It was as if they had never existed as she watched him dance along with the Wiggles. The show had been running for the last two hours and every time she tried to change the channel to see if _The X-Files_ was on, Jackson would shriek at the top of his lungs and generally throw a fit.

"Do a happy dance!" The man on TV in the purple shirt said and Kate groaned, dropping her face into her hands.

Outside, a car door slammed and Kate found herself hoping it was Colonel O'Neill. It surprised her and she had to think about that for a minute. Luckily before she could get too introspective, the front door opened and Colonel O'Neill appeared a few seconds later.

Maybe it was the painkillers, maybe it was _the Wiggle's_ induced insanity, maybe she just didn't have enough men in her life, but Colonel O'Neill looked good. Not good like when movie stars spent hours with a stylist, but sexily rumpled in his civvies.

"I hate you." Kate said, slouching low in the couch cushions. The Colonel rolled his eyes and shrugged out of his jacket, tossing it onto the back of her favorite easy chair.

"You've mentioned that several times." Colonel O'Neill said, tossing a glance at Jackson who was doing a demented version of the Hokey-Pokey. Even Silly Piggy was staring at the man in confusion.

"I'd just like you to know that he's been watching this for two _HOURS_." Kate said, emphasizing hours, so he would know that her stress levels had been rising in the indicated amount of time. Colonel O'Neill took one look at the brightly colored dancers and then switched his brown gaze back to her.

"Go take a nap. I'll watch him." Kate resisted the overwhelming urge to kiss him. Four minutes later, she was curled up in bed, asleep.

_**(&)**_

"I made cookies!" This exclamation was followed by a very large, very heavy mass that landed on her stomach, crushing her into the mattress. Kate groaned as she looked up into Jackson's excited face as she tried to remember what it was like to breathe. He shoved a lumpy looking cookie at her and told her to eat.

Shaking her head, Kate flinched as the cookie was shoved into her face again. Rather than risk losing an eye, she tentatively took a bite and was surprised to find out that it didn't kill her. Actually, it tasted good. Jackson shoved the cookie at her again and Kate took another bite, getting a smear of chocolate across her cheek for her trouble.

"SHE LIKES THEM!" He bellowed and seconds later, Colonel O'Neill arrived in her bedroom, looking like he'd been attacked by the Knights of the Order of Flour. A clump of dough clung to his graying hair, flour and various other powders were smeared across his black t-shirt and Kate was pretty sure that was egg on his left forearm.

Without meaning to, Kate burst out laughing. Colonel O'Neill's eyes narrowed at her and Kate laughed even harder, her expanding lungs making her ribs ache even more.

"Something funny, Kate?" Colonel O'Neill asked. Kate shook her head, biting down on her lower lip to keep from laughing again. Then a thought struck her and it suddenly didn't seem so funny.

"My kitchen?" She asked, struggling out from under Jackson. Colonel O'Neill offered her a hand, pulling her off the bed. Her pain pill was wearing off and she winced.

"I'll clean it up." The Colonel said as she brushed past him and headed into the kitchen. Kate stopped in the doorway to the kitchen, mouth dropping open.

It looked like the Knights of the Order of Flour hadn't just attacked Colonel O'Neill and Jackson, who, she reminded herself, had just jumped onto her black comforter covered in various cooking accouterments. She grunted as she surveyed the chaos.

Dishes littered every available surface, including the windowsill above the sink, food hung from just about every nook and cranny and it looked like something had blown up on the ceiling above the stove.

"How can two men do this much damage?" Kate asked, sinking onto one of her kitchen chairs, immediately vacating her spot as she realized that she'd just sat in something gooey.

"Okay, I'm going to change and then we're gonna clean this up." Kate grimaced as she spoke, trying to brush the gooey remnants off her backside.

"We did it now, Daniel." Colonel O'Neill's tone was grave, but his eyes twinkled. Kate cursed as she limped back to her room.


	10. The one you never saw coming

_**Martin:**__** I'm talking about a twist, something no one's expecting.  
**__**Jack:**__** You mean something like this?  
**__**Vala**__**: Wow. I don't think anyone'll see that coming.  
**__**Daniel**__**: No, there'll be spoilers.  
**__**Sam**__**: Are you kidding – it'll be in the commercial.**_

_**-Stargate: SG1**_

_**(&)**_

The phone shrilled and Kate grunted as she dragged the phone to her ear.

"It's oh-three-hundred."

"Kate." It was Colonel O'Neill. With a grunt, Kate dropped the handset back onto the base. Curling back up, she sighed.

The phone rang again.

"It's now oh-three-oh-one." Kate grunted into the mouthpiece and hung up.

The phone shattered the silence again. Kate picked it up and didn't say anything.

"I'm going to assume that's you I can hear breathing. Get dressed. There's a problem." The Colonel sounded like a cross between pissed and annoyed.

"It's oh-three-oh-one one and a half. Give me a sec to pry my eyes open." Kate muttered. There was a pause.

"Just get ready. There should be an SF at your door in a few minutes." As if on cue, the doorbell rang and Silly Piggy roared out of the bedroom, barking at the top of his lungs.

"This had better be a real big problem." Kate said.

"How big a problem would you consider Carter turning herself into a six year old?" Kate rolled onto her back. The doorbell ran again.

"Physically?" She asked, tossing back the blankets.

"What?" He asked.

"You said she turned herself into a six year old? Did you mean physically?" Kate said, swinging her legs out of bed and standing up.

"No, she's like Daniel." The Colonel growled. Kate stumbled out of her bedroom and down the hallway towards the front door.

"Oh, and what did you tell her?" Kate asked, pushing Piggy out of the way and unlocking the front door. Sgt. Curry stood at her front door. Kate motioned him inside and headed back towards her bedroom.

"Tell her?" Kate wondered if he was being particularly obtuse.

"Well, Daniel found out he had an Uncle Jack and an Aunt Kate." Kate explained as she kicked her bedroom door shut and headed for her closet.

"Oh, well, Carter took it all pretty well. I told her that Jacob was overseas and that she was being watched by a friend of the family on a military base. She seems to be buying it." He said, his voice muffled.

"You sound funny." Kate said as she started to tug her t-shirt over her head.

"Hiding in a supply closet." He muttered. "So, you'll be here in twenty minutes?"

"Nyagnahhhhh." Kate muttered through the fabric of her t-shirt as she juggled the phone before pulling it back to her ear.

"So, that's a yes?" Colonel O'Neill was asking.

"I hate you." Kate said as soon as her mouth was free.

"You need to come up with new material, Kate." And the phone clicked in her ear.

_**(&)**_

The hand grabbed her wrist just as Kate grabbed the sugar. Looking up, she blearily recognized Colonel O'Neill. In direct contrast to her torn jeans and rumpled Penn State shirt, he wore a fresh pair of black BDU's. He also looked like he'd gotten more sleep than her anemic three hours. He pried the glass container out of her hand.

"Mine." Kate muttered in a fit of childishness, reaching for it again, only to be gently nudged away.

"You're not a morning person, are you?" Colonel O'Neill asked, setting down the sugar and reaching for another glass container.

"This is the sugar." The Colonel said, handing it over. Kate scowled at him, but dumped half the container in her coffee. Stirring it, she watched it go from black to the color of sand.

"I hate you. I hate this mountain. I hate aliens, and I really, really hate Carter." Kate said, taking a sip of her beverage and scalding her tongue, giving good reason to curse loudly and earn looks from a couple of nearby SF's. Colonel O'Neill arched an eyebrow.

"Is there anything you actually like?" He asked, dumping sugar in his own coffee.

"I like watching TV, salsa dancing, and reading five hundred page sci-fi/ fantasy novels in one sitting." Kate muttered. Colonel O'Neill smiled, but Kate ignored him as she tried to get another sip of coffee without burning her tongue. Finally, she set the cup down and dropped her head onto her arms.

"I think I like you in the morning, Troy." He said. Kate shrugged and said something about his mother in French.

_**(&)**_

Once again, Kate stood in the middle of Iso room Four, only this time she was anchored on one side by Sam and on the other by Jackson. The two were using her body as a buffer to peer at each other and then shyly press their faces into her ribs. It had been this way since twenty minutes ago when Kate had stepped into the room. She had no doubt that Colonel O'Neill was watching from the observation room, laughing.

"Look, guys, I'm running on three hours of sleep. Can you please just watch _The Wiggles_ or something?" Jackson noticeably perked up at the name of his favorite TV show, but Sam showed no signs of relinquishing her grip. Kate sighed.

"Sammy, it's a real nice show. There's bright colors and men with British accents. I think there's even a dancing dog in a pirate costume." Kate said, trying to pry Sam off her waist.

"It's great." Jackson crowed, reaching for Sam's hand. The blonde woman pulled back and looked at Kate questioningly. Kate smiled even though she just felt like screaming.

"Go ahead. You'll like it." Shyly, Sam retracted her arms and took Jackson's hand. Pulling her along, Jackson planted his new friend in front of the TV in the corner. Kate slowly backed towards the door. She paused beside Gracie who stood just inside the room.

"Just make sure _The Wiggles_ never turns off." Kate said, running her fingers through her hair, fairly certain it was sticking on end.

"Oh, trust me. If I have to record it and loop it for the next six hours, it won't turn off." Gracie said, rubbing the back of her neck. With a tired smile, Kate slipped out the door.

"You look like hell." Kate wanted nothing more than to punch the smug-looking man who stood outside the door, looking just as awake and fresh as Colonel O'Neill.

"With all due respect, sir… shut up." Kate muttered, brushing past her CO, intent on taking a nap.

"Ah, I see you've forgotten." Makepeace said, slinging an arm around her shoulders and steering her in the other direction.

"Forgotten?" Kate asked. Stuff was just going in one ear and out the other.

"Think really hard." He said, giving her shoulders a friendly squeeze.

"Uh…" Then it hit her. "Oh, crap. The fitness test." Kate sagged against her CO.

"Please don't make me go." She whined. Suddenly, Makepeace's arm vanished, leaving her to crumple to the floor.

"Oh, great way to establish a relationship with your subordinates." Kate growled, glaring at him, now feeling wide awake. Makepeace shrugged and took off down the corridor. It took her less than five seconds to follow.

_**(&)**_

"Troy?"

"Yeah."

"My Troy?"

"_Your Troy_?"

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, _your_ Troy." Ignoring the inflection in Makepeace's voice, Jack waited for the elevator doors to open.

"How the hell did she fall asleep?" He asked as he stepped off the elevator, followed by Makepeace.

"I don't know. She got to sixty-seven sit-ups and didn't get back up. Just curled up right there on the gym floor and conked out." Makepeace said, nodding at a young female sergeant who smiled sweetly at him.

"Did she at least finish the test?" Jack asked, logging the look and the smile as something to tease his friend about later.

"Made it through the three mile run in full gear. Of course, she does have a bruised hip so her time wasn't as high as it could have been." Makepeace said as they entered the commissary and got their lunch.

"She's tough." Jack said as they sat down.

"One of the instructors tried to move her off the floor and she kicked him." Makepeace said, taking a drink of his coffee.

"Did she kill him?" Jack asked, picking up his sandwich.

"No, I did not kill him." Kate announced her presence by throwing herself into the chair across from Jack and reaching for his Jell-O. Even a rap on the knuckles with his spoon didn't stop her. She just took the spoon.

"I maybe bruised him a little." Kate said, swallowing a spoonful of the wobbly food.

"I thought you were taking a nap." Makepeace said and got a spoonful of Jell-O tossed into the middle of his casserole.

"Jackson and Sam decided they wanted to play with Aunt Kate. I'm in the Babysitter Protection Program." She said, turning her attention towards Makepeace's tray. "I'm also hungry. You try doing a fitness test in full gear and see what it does for your appetite."

Makepeace lost a roll. Jack watched Kate scarf it down. Dark circles rimmed her blue eyes and fatigue was evident in the way she kept herself propped on the table as she spoke. Jack shrugged off his worry as she reached for something else on his plate and pinned her wrist to the tabletop.

"You might find this surprising, but there's a place over there that'll give you your own food." Jack said. Kate scowled, but went over to the food line.

"Does something seem… off… about her?" Makepeace asked, eyes narrowed as he watched Kate laugh at something a fellow soldier said.

"You just now noticed?" Jack asked, arching an eyebrow at his friend. Makepeace shot him a dirty look.

"I think we're gonna go talk to Fraiser." Makepeace said, vacating the table. Jack watched as he stepped up to her, interrupting her conversation. Kate's nose wrinkled in disgust, but she followed her CO, still carrying her tray of food.

Not envying his friend's job in the least, Jack turned back to his lunch.

_**(&)**_

"They're talking about me." Kate said, over a forkful of mashed potatoes. Her CO's eyes rolled towards the group of medical personnel gathered in Fraiser's office having what appeared to be a heated discussion.

"Not everything's about you, Troy." Makepeace said. Kate snorted and slid the potatoes into her mouth. Swallowing, she scooped up another forkful.

"Well, there's no one else in here. And I'm pretty sure those are my test results in Saxton's grubby little paws." Kate said and promptly ate the potatoes. Makepeace looked back at the office and then turned back to Kate.

"You're paranoid. You know that, right?" He said. In response, Kate flicked mashed potatoes at him. Wiping the white mass off his jacket, Makepeace scowled at her.

"You asked for it." Kate said, taking a drink of her coffee.

"I don't recall asking to wear your lunch." Makepeace said. Kate rolled her eyes and finished her coffee. Janet Fraiser headed her way, clutching a clipboard in her hand with determination. Kate hopped off the bed, gathering up her tray.

"So, I'm done, right? I can go back to work?" She asked. The look on Fraiser's face suggested otherwise.

"Major, I need to ask you some questions." The doctor's eyes slid in Colonel Makepeace's direction. Kate looked at him and then back at Fraiser.

"They're rather sensitive." Fraiser said. Kate glanced over at her CO.

"It's not like he hasn't heard it all before." Kate said and turned back to Fraiser. The doctor sighed and looked at the clipboard in her hands.

"Major Troy, when was the last time you had sexual intercourse?" All the air in Kate's body escaped with a wheeze and she almost dropped her tray. Out of the corner of her vision, she saw her CO turn twelve different shades of red and take a few steps away from the bed.

"Uh, I don't… uh, maybe five months ago." Kate sputtered, ignoring the sudden wheezing sound coming from Colonel Makepeace. Fraiser's head rose and she stared at Kate.

"You're sure?" She asked. Kate nodded.

"Well, then congratulations, Major Troy, I don't quite know how to explain it, but… you're pregnant." Kate's tray hit the floor, splattering food everywhere.

"Wha, wha, wha, wha…" And for the first time in her entire life, Kate fainted.


	11. Explain it sssslllloooowwwweeerrrr

_**Lane: The very concept of childbirth is vaguely disturbing.**_

_**Rory: Yeah. Kids are cool and all, but getting there seems like a big cosmic joke.**_

_**Lane: Definitely thought up by a man.**_

_**Rory: My mom said that when she told me where babies come from.**_

_**Lane: My mom still hasn't told me.**_

_**Rory: Really?**_

_**Lane: When my cousin got pregnant, she said it's because an angel brushed its wings against her face.**_

_**Rory: I could fill you in on the details sometime if you want.**_

_**Lane: No thanks, I've picked it up off the streets.**_

_**- Gilmore Girls**_

_**(&)**_

"_WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS? I'M KNOCKED UP AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO DID IT!? THE LAST TIME SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENED, JESUS WAS BORN!"_ Kate was wondering exactly how far this particular line of complaint was going to get her. It didn't seem to be having the effect she was hoping for. Dr. Fraiser sat across the table next to Teal'c. Kate had been seated next to Colonel O'Neill probably in the hope that he'd keep her in line. She didn't miss the fact that General Hammond looked like he'd rather be taking on the Goa'uld with a squirt gun rather than be in his current position.

"Kate," Colonel O'Neill said, his voice carrying a hint of warning. Kate thumped her hand on the table to warn him right back and bit down on a whimper of pain as her sore wrist made contact with the hard wooden surface.

"Ow, ow, ow." She crooned softly as she cradled the arm to her chest.

"Major Troy, you're not paying attention. I said that I knew who the father was. I just said I'm not sure how." Fraiser said, frowning slightly. Kate knew that look. It was a look that meant more needles, a possibly invasive procedure, and without a doubt more needles.

"Okay, well, tell me who the father is… and then I'll have a panic attack and you'll tell me it's okay and I'll tell you that it's not okay and then I'll freak out even more and run around the room screaming until Teal'c sits on me." As she spoke, Kate caught the looks being exchanged between the remaining members of SG1 and was glad she was amusing somebody.

"Major Troy, if you'll be quiet for a minute, I'm sure Dr. Fraiser will explain everything." General Hammond said, wearing the 'why me' expression he'd been wearing since the meeting started.

"Well?" Kate asked, turning back to Fraiser who was looking over her notes. Clearing her throat, the woman started to speak.

"Well, from what we've deciphered from the device and the obvious evidence, the father is…" Fraiser's voice trailed off. Kate groaned and dropped her forehead onto the table.

"Doc, come on, just tell us." Colonel O'Neill said. Kate raised her head.

"Well, the father is… it's you, Colonel." Dr. Fraiser said. There was complete silence for exactly one minute… and then…

"I'm going to be sick." Kate murmured and the last thing anyone in the room saw was her backside as she ran out of the room, trying not to throw up all over the government preferred gray décor.

_**(&)**_

"Why me?!" Kate cried, curled up on a bed in the base personnel quarters, tears streaming down her face as she hiccupped.

"I can't, hic, be, a, hic, a mother." Kate sobbed, clutching her pillow to her chest.

"I'm too young!" She wailed at the man who sat next to the bed. Teal'c looked a little panicked, her emotion-saturated brain realized, even for a former First Prime of Apophis, but at least he wasn't leaving. Colonel O'Neill hadn't been seen or heard from in five hours.

"I do not understand your reluctance to be a mother." Teal'c said, cautiously as if testing out the sentence in his brain before he was saying it.

"_I'M ONLY TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD!_" Kate bellowed and the sobbing started anew. Realizing he must have said the wrong thing, Teal'c reached out and awkwardly patted her hand. This only succeeded in making Kate cry harder.

Half hour later after much sobbing and nose blowing and even more sobbing, Kate realized that Teal'c had left the room. By then, however she'd worn herself out crying over something that now seemed very inconsequential. With a shrug, Kate wiped her eyes, snuffled and went off in search of food.

_**(&)**_

"Look, Doc. I've turned into Bi-Polar Suzie. I don't know how long it's going to be before I kill someone or starting freaking out when someone takes the last pudding cup… which they did. At lunch, I mean." Kate said, hands firmly planted on the desk in front of her as she struggled to keep from strangling the archaeologist who sat behind the desk and looked like he was struggling to keep from strangling her.

"Fine. Sit." Dr. Kyle Plant said, flicking his hand towards one of the chairs in front of his desk. He then shoved his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose in a distinctly Jackson-like gesture. Kate wondered if he'd been taking lessons.

"I've been back to the planet. I've studied the inside of the temple, the inscriptions on the walls, the device, everything." Plant said, indicating the open files on his desk.

"And?" Kate prodded. He glared at her and she sank back in her chair.

"I've discovered a few things. One, the device as far as I can tell was part of an alien culture that abandoned that temple I'd say almost a hundred years ago. Two, the device as far as I can tell from the inscriptions was invented as a joke." Plant said, referring to a file in his pile. Kate was instantly on her feet again, slamming the palms of her hands onto the desktop, leaning towards Plant.

"A joke!? I'm knocked up and it's a joke!?" Plant leaned back and Kate returned to her chair, clenching her hands into fists.

"Please, continue." Kate said, the smile almost cracking her face.

"It has a different effect for different levels of exposure. Since Dr. Jackson was in the immediate vicinity, he reverted to a child. Since you were on the outskirts of the blast, you were hit with a virus. Now, not being a doctor, I can't explain it, but it has something to do with the impregnation. Dr. Jackson's condition will reverse itself in about four weeks. You, however, will give birth to the child." Kate blinked as Plant continued.

"Do you remember who you came in contact with first after the device was activated?" Plant asked.

"Uh, Jackson. I had to tackle him." Kate said, scrubbing a hand across her face.

"Well, that…" Plant trailed off as he looked at the notes in front of him. Kate scooted forward to the front of her chair and peered at the papers. "Oh, here we go. Um, who did you have skin to skin contact with first?" He looked up expectantly and Kate fell out of her chair.

"I'm good." Kate said, stumbling to her feet and planting herself firmly in the chair. "Uh, that would be, uh, Colonel O'Neill." She muttered, staring at the edge of Plant's desk. For his part, the archaeologist just flushed and went back to his notes.

"Ah, I see. Well, unfortunately, in the meantime, you'll experience all the symptoms of childbirth, pregnancy and everything else at their very worst. It was an affect that the device's creators hadn't anticipated. Uh, Major Troy? Major Troy?"

Dr. Plant fumbled with his desk phone and punched the intercom button.

"Dr. Fraiser to Level nineteen, Dr. Plant's office. Dr. Fraiser to level nineteen. Uh, I think I broke Major Troy."


	12. I'm not sharing my couch

_**Gibbs: Rule Number Twelve: Never date a co-worker**_

_**-Navy NCIS**_

_**(&)**_

"I am never going near that base again. Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever…" Kate had been muttering ever since they'd left the SGC and Jack had had enough. Reaching over, he clamped a hand across her mouth. Kate gave him a mutinous look and bit him.

"Sonuvabitch." Jack cursed, jerking his hand back. Luckily, they were at a stop-light so no traffic accident occurred as he took both hands off the wheel, ready to strangle her.

"What?" Kate asked, looking completely innocent in the passenger seat. Jack sighed and turned his attention back to the road.

He was going to kill the bureaucrats who had come up with this idea. It was a very, very bad idea. A terribly bad idea.

Kate was going to be living with him during her pregnancy.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Jack's memories of life with Sara when she was pregnant loomed in his mind as clearly as if it had been yesterday. Sara was a civilian and as sweet-tempered at they came. Kate was military and trained to kill a man in 27 different ways with her bare hands.

The mood swings, morning sickness, weight gain and other side-effects of delivering a child into the world had had Jack ready to drive his truck off a cliff some eleven years ago. Now that he was faced with that possibility again, Jack was thinking about giving Thor a call and asking if he could move in for the next nine months.

Something nudged him in the arm, startling him back to reality. Jack looked over. Kate was blinking at him. That's when he realized the light was green. Jack shook himself and put his foot on the gas.

_**(&)**_

She was finally asleep. Granted, she was throwing up at irregular intervals and she'd told him that hockey sucked and her dog had been trying to climb into his lap for the past four hours, but at least Kate was asleep and thusly not talking.

Jack sat on the other end of the couch, feeling like a babysitter who wasn't getting paid enough. A few feet away, Kate shifted in her sleep, mumbling something that sounded like 'fire at will,' but her face was half-buried in the pillow so he could have misunderstood.

Turning his attention back to the TV screen, Jack watched the hockey game until he became uncomfortably aware of something wet soaking into his jeans. Looking down, he found that sometime during the last goal and the more recent penalty boxing of a player, Kate's dog had planted it's head on his thigh and was drooling. With a grunt of disgust, Jack moved the dog's head to the couch cushion beside him.

Taking it as an invitation, the Great Dane clambered up over his sleeping owner and tucking himself in between the back of the couch and Kate, laid his head on Jack's thigh again and gave a big doggy sigh of happiness. Rolling his eyes, Jack turned back to the game.

A few minutes later, Jack found himself interrupted again by something pushing at his leg. Looking down, expecting Silly Piggy to be demanding attention, Jack found himself faced with a completely different situation. Kate was trying to stretch out, moving around her in sleep. A fine line of pain had etched itself between her eyebrows and Jack winced, suddenly remembering how Sara had complained of back pain even during the first trimester.

Hoping she wouldn't wake up, Jack reached out and scooped up Kate's ankles, letting her legs stretch across his lap. He was briefly distracted by the fluorescent blue of her toenails. Glancing back at her face, he watched with satisfaction as the wrinkle dissipated and she settled back into a deep sleep. Jack settled back to finish his game.

_**(&)**_

The hockey game had been over for forty-five minutes with his team crushing the opposition, but Jack had yet to move from the couch. Kate's legs were still sprawled across his lap and sometime during the second half she'd kicked him in the stomach when she'd rolled onto her side. Finally, knowing if he fell asleep on the couch that a hell of a backache would be awaiting him in the morning, Jack sat up.

"Kate." Gently shaking her calf, the motion did nothing to stir the young woman. Jack sighed and gave it another shake.

"Kate." Her eyelids flickered and finally opened. Rubbing her eyes like a toddler who'd just woken up from an afternoon nap, Kate blinked first at the TV screen which was displaying the _SportsCenter_ stats for a recent baseball game and then turned her head to look over at him. If she noticed her feet in his lap, she didn't say anything.

"What time?" Kate mumbled, stretching her arms. Jack checked his watch under the TV's light.

"Ten forty-nine." He said, fighting back a yawn of his own.

"Bed." Kate muttered, swinging her legs to the floor as she rubbed her face again. Jack smiled at the childish tone. Stiffly rising himself, he held out a hand. Kate paused for a minute, eyeing the hand hovering in front of her face before sliding hers into his. Jack pulled and she rose easily from the couch, almost running into him.

"You okay?" Jack asked as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Bed." Kate muttered again, a yawn cutting through her words.

"C'mon, Troy." Jack said, steering her down the hallway towards the bedrooms. Once in the guest room, Kate flopped onto the bed without any preamble, still completely clothed. Trying not to smile, Jack stepped over to the bed and nudged her in the back.

"You wanna try getting under the blankets?" His question was met with a soft murmur that sounded more asleep than awake. Realizing he wasn't gonna get any more out of her while she was comatose, Jack grabbed the comforter at the foot of the bed and tossed it over her. Instantly, Kate rolled onto her side, clutching the blanket to her chest.

Jack watched her wriggle into a more comfortable position on the bed before finally settling down. Then again every ounce of his better judgment, he bent over and brushing her dark red hair away from her face, kissed her on the cheek.

Pausing in the doorway, he watched Kate sleep for a minute before he flicked off the light, quietly closing the door behind him.


	13. Jack takes his life in his hands

_**Darryl**__**: Hey, if you ask me, there's nothing more beautiful than a preg...   
**__**Piper**__**: Do it and you'll pull back a bloody stub.  
**__**Paige**__**: She's a little sensitive right now.  
**__**Darryl**__**: I can see that.**_

_**-Charmed**_

_**(&)**_

"Do not tell me that pregnant women wear this crap." Jack choked back a smile at the horrified look on Kate's face as she looked at herself in the dressing room mirror. The maternity shirt was pink, overwhelmingly frilly and hung off her slim frame. Kate was eyeing it as if the shirt was going to take over her body and force her to attend PTA meetings. Jack was eyeing it because it was just plain ugly.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Troy, but that's kinda the uniform of pregnant women." Kate changed her murderous look from the shirt to Jack, but he didn't squirm.

"Yeah, well… there should be a law against it." Kate said, tugging at the voluminous sleeves that fell over her hands. Jack sighed.

"This mean you're still looking for suitable maternity wear?" He asked. Kate sighed and marched back into the changing room without a word. Jack tried to get more comfortable on the wooden chair as he waited for the next clothing revelation. Seconds later, the pink shirt flew over the top of the dressing room door and landed on his knee. Jack tried not to grin as he tossed it on the reject pile which had grown considerably large in the last hour they'd been shopping.

Two weeks in a house with Kate and he was starting to get back into the swing of things. The pregnancy hadn't been as bad as he'd thought it would be. And the things that were bad were things that he could sort of deal with. Taking Kate for her daily check-ups at the base for one. The problem with that was that once they were on base, Daniel and Carter always managed to find them and then Kate would cry.

Actually that was one problem he couldn't handle. The crying. The throwing up at random times, usually when they were out in public wasn't so much of a problem because he'd dealt with that with Sarah. No. It was definitely the crying. Seeing a female USMC officer that behind her back was called 'The Queen Bitch,' sobbing over a commercial was an issue that Jack still had to deal with. That coupled with the fact that he couldn't very well just let her cry in public without putting his arms around her was driving him crazy.

The bang of the dressing room door alerted Jack to Kate's return. This time the shirt was white with pink flowers all over it. Judging by the look on Kate's face, this one wasn't going home with them either.

"If it's any consolation, you look cute." Jack asked, watching Kate eye herself in the full-length mirror. The look she shot him was pure malice.

"Why happy things? I'm gaining weight, I throw up almost every hour and my body is doing weird things. Why the hell would I want to wear happy things?" Kate asked, turning to him as if expecting an answer. Jack shrugged.

"And I do not look cute." Kate growled, tossing her hair over her shoulders as she turned to march back into the dressing room.

"Oh, you look adorable!" A smiling store attendant bustled up, preventing any escape. Jack watched as Kate's features morphed into military-woman-who-will-kill-if-provoked. He cleared his throat and she looked over at him. Jack shook his head, giving her a silent order. She replied by crossing her eyes at him, an easily understood message.

"And when are you due?" The woman asked, oblivious to her near brush with death.

"Uh, October, I think." Kate said. Around the SGC, no one had the guts to approach Kate and ask her when she was due. So instead for their daily dose of all things Kate and Baby, they came straight to Jack who had since adopted a silence policy when it came to his little 'family.'

"You mean you don't know?" The woman seemed truly awed that an expecting mother couldn't know the exact moment when her child was due.

"Well, it's been… hectic." Kate said, shooting Jack a look that said this lady had two minutes before she was in a half-nelson. Again, he shook his head, doubting that it would do any good.

"Were there complications?" The woman asked, concern making her mouth purse.

"No, no complications, just hectic…ness." Kate said, her fingers tapping out a rapid rhythm on her thighs. Jack was now trying desperately not to laugh.

"Oh, well, that's good. Do you mind?" The woman asked, already reaching out. Kate only stuttered as the woman placed her hand on her stomach. The look she shot Jack was one of sheer terror. By now, he was trying not to fall over in a fit of laughter.

"Oh, you're not even showing yet. Lucky you." Someone across the store called and the woman raised her head.

"I have to go. Congratulations again." And with that the she was gone. Kate just stood there, her maternity top starting to slide off her shoulder.

"Did a complete stranger just touch my stomach?" She asked, looking a little dazed. Jack stood up and reached over, tugging her sleeve back up.

"You handled it very well." He said, patting her on the shoulder and sitting back down.

"Oh, well, that's always good to know." Kate said and turned to go back into the dressing room for the second time. However, before she could take a step, a voice boomed across the maternity section, rattling baby rattle displays.

"KATIE?" A very large man stormed between the racks of maternity clothes, followed by a very pregnant woman. He stomped to a stop in front of a quivering Kate. Instantly on his feet, Jack casually inserted himself between Kate and the giant.

"Oh, hi, Finn." Kate squeaked in a helium inspired voice. Jack felt her hand grasp the back of his jacket, clinging to him like a lifeline. Reaching back, he hooked an arm around her waist, pulling her close. Luckily, Kate was too distracted by the current situation to slap him for invading her personal space.

"What are you doing in the maternity section?" Finn all but roared and Kate shrank back. Jack tightened his grip and was more than a little surprised when her hand clutched at his.

"Oh, uh, just…" Kate stuttered and Jack was struck with the sudden epiphany that this behemoth must be family. Very irritable family from the looks of it. Jack was guessing cousin or brother.

"Well, see, I was just… shopping. Um, there's this friend of mine at work and she's pregnant and, well, she asked me to look at some clothes for her and… are you buying this in the least?" Kate finished. Jack could feel the tension in her body from where it was pressed against his. Finn's scowl darkened.

"No, huh?" Kate asked as Finn shook his head. "Well, how about…" Her voice trailed off as she tried to think of a good excuse and Jack interrupted, having had enough of watching her hang herself.

"Kate and I are having a baby." Finn's mouth dropped open, his body-builder chest being the only thing that stopped his chin from hitting the floor. The woman behind him let out a shriek of laughter that sent several heads swiveling their way. Jack was unprepared for a pregnant stranger to throw her arms around him, but his day was shaping up to be full of surprises. The mother-to-be then threw her arms around Kate, pulling her away.

"Kate! Why didn't you tell me?" The other woman asked, her hands fluttering around Kate's stomach. Kate shot Jack a look that got stuck somewhere between gratefulness and murderous. He shrugged as the woman's hands kept fluttering and Kate took a step back.

"Oh!" Another shriek and even the cashiers were staring at them. "We have to start planning your baby shower. Now, you're not thinking about a theme shower, are you?" Kate shot him a 'help me' look as the rapidly talking woman dragged her away.

"Sarah!" Finn growled, trying to wrestle back control of the situation and not succeeding when she ignored him completely. While the other man was distracted, Jack took a few steps back to a range that he deemed to be semi-safe, which was about six inches out of arm's reach and thusly out of choking range.

"So," Finn said, turning back to him. Jack resisted the urge to swallow hard. Hopefully, the smoldering rage burning in Finn's brown eyes was a strictly male side of the Troy family thing. Kate usually just yelled when she got mad.

"You and my little sister?" Great, Jack thought, already scoping out potential exits, not only was 'Goliath' family, he was a _BIG_ brother. Big brothers were far more difficult to deal with than say younger brothers who'd spent years playing living model for their older sisters. Big brothers were the type who'd spent years cultivating their younger sisters for pick-up football games, snowball fights, and blaming accidents on should adventures go awry.

"Yeah, Jack O'Neill. Uh, Colonel Jack O'Neill." Jack held out his hand. The grip that the he-man not so gently exuded on his appendage almost made Jack wince. Then it vanished as quickly as it had appeared when Sarah dragged Kate back to the dressing room, clutching an armful of brightly colored clothes.

"Finn Troy. That's my wife, Sarah." Jack surreptitiously eyed the man next to him as they watched the two women vanish. Finn Troy looked like he spent most of his time in the weight room and eating vast quantities of raw meat. He also looked nothing Kate with blonde hair and brown eyes as compared to Kate's red hair and blue eyes.

"So, you military too?" Finn said, turning back to him. Jack nodded.

"Marines?" Finn asked, eyeing him like he could tell from the way Jack stood.

"Air Force." Jack replied. The suspicion was evident in Finn's face and Jack hurried to add. "How 'bout you?"

"Firefighter." Finn said. Expecting him to say something like 'professional wrestler' or 'bouncer,' Jack was mildly surprised. They stood in silence for a few minutes.

"So, how'd you two meet?" Finn asked, powerful arms folded across his chest. Having gotten used to working with Teal'c, the sight didn't affect Jack the way it might have had he not worked at a top secret government project involving aliens.

"Uh, at work. You know… love at first sight." He said, mentally slapping himself. 'Smooth, O'Neill, real smooth.'

"You must've been quite a charmer." Finn said, his biceps flexing in a way that was vaguely threatening and more than a little bit promising. "Katie's met her last boyfriend when he ran her over." Somehow, this admission didn't surprise Jack at all. In fact, the whole situation sounded like something that only Kate could have gotten into.

"Course, when she found out he was cheatin' on her, me an' her other six brothers paid him a little visit." The veiled threat hung in the air. Jack wasn't surprised at the over-protectiveness. With the recklessness with which Kate usually threw herself into dangerous situations, a couple of overprotective big brothers seemed like a good idea.

"No!" Kate's voice carried through the dressing room door. The exclamation interrupted whatever comment Finn was going to make and Jack found himself letting out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

"Sounds like it's getting violent. You wanna break it up or should I?" Jack turned to Finn's shoulder and shrugged.

"Right. You're not caught up on family politics yet." Finn said, grimacing. Jack watched as the large man strode to the dressing room entrance and asked if there were any problems in a voice that could have been heard over in the tool department.

"Your crazy wife's trying to get me to wear pink." Kate announced as the door opened.

"It wouldn't kill you to act like a woman, Kate." Sarah complained as she came out, shoving the rest of the clothes into Finn's hands. Jack jerked his head towards the discard pile as the other man looked around in bewilderment.

"No, I'm fairly certain that it will." Kate said as she followed her sister-in-law out of the dressing room, looking far more comfortable in her jeans and the t-shirt she'd swiped from Jack's dresser that morning. He hadn't questioned it, especially after she'd given him the patented I'm-pregnant-so-I-can look. Besides it was vaguely interesting to see her walking around in a in a Budweiser shirt with a bikini clad woman on the back.

"You can't glow in black." Sarah's said, hands on her hips. Jack wondered if Kate's glowering counted as glowing.

"And why would I want to glow? The morning sickness is bad enough, not to mention crying at the drop of a hat." Kate said, glaring at her family. Jack stayed silent, not wanting to bring on any of the aforementioned symptoms. Luckily before any of those symptoms could start, a distraction arrived.

"Daddy, Porter won't let me get ice cream." A little bundle of curly blonde hair and fast moving limbs slammed into Jack's side. Regaining his balance, he looked down just as the little girl looked up at him. Her angelic little face screwed up in confusion until she looked over and saw Finn standing nearby.

"Daddy, Porter won't let me get ice cream." She wailed as she released Jack's leg and threw herself at Finn. With the practiced ease of a father, Finn swung her up before she could take his knees out.

"I didn't say that." Jack glanced over his shoulder as a teenage boy angled his way around racks of clothes, a sullen look on his face.

"And he called me a name." The little girl said, putting her little hands on Finn's face and blinking at him with an innocence that couldn't have been anything but innocence. Jack knew the look, it was one that Charlie had perfected when he was only three. His heart suddenly wrenched as his son crossed his mind. Only years of practice helped him keep his face straight.

"Don't lie, Abba-Bratty." The teen said, tossing an arm across Kate's shoulders and making a face at his little sister.

"I'm not lying, Porter-Potty." The little girl said, matching her brother expression for expression.

"Well, I could go for some ice cream." Sarah said. "Kate, do you and Jack want to join us?" Kate glanced over at Jack who shrugged.

"Uh, we still have some shopping to do. Maybe we'll see you in the food court." Kate said, nudging her nephew in the ribs. There was a round of hugs which Jack got pulled into, including a very sticky kiss from the little girl and then the pack was gone.

"So, that's your family?" Jack asked as Kate turned back to him. She nodded, hands in her pockets.

"Yeah, part of it. Finn, Sarah, Abby and Porter. The newest one's gonna be Chase. It's an either/or name, in case they have a girl or a boy." Kate explained, eyeing the large pile of clothes hanging on the rack.

"So, are we still looking?" Jack asked. Kate sighed heavily and Jack glanced at her. Tears were welling in her eyes, making them seem even bigger than usual.

"What?" He asked. She shrugged, which seemed to be her answer for everything lately.

"Nothing." Kate muttered, her shoulders hunching forward. Taking a deep breath while he rapidly weighed the pros and the cons of his decision, Jack went with the pros and stepped forward, pulling Kate into his arms.

Probably startled, she didn't fight. And that was how Jack O'Neill ended up standing in the middle of Sears with his arms wrapped around a subordinate. But she wasn't really a subordinate, she was the mother of his child. His brain was still having a hard time determining that one.

He wasn't really sure how long they stood there or how long Kate cried, but eventually the soft shaking of her shoulders stopped and she just stood there, leaning against him, her hands clutching the front of his jacket. Jack pulled back slightly.

"You okay now?" He asked, wincing at the mushy quality of his voice. Kate pulled back, sniffling and wiping her face.

"Damn, I did it again." She muttered, running a hand through her hair. Jack smiled.

"Hey, it wasn't that bad. Once my ex-wife cried because her French fries weren't crispy enough." Jack said, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets since they felt oddly empty. Kate laughed and gave him a weak smile. Jack's heart constricted violently and then flip-flopped across his chest. He coughed a little bit to ensure he could speak.

"So, how about ice cream?"

_**(&)**_

"Try it. It's really good." At some point during the time they'd met up with Finn and his family in the food court and finding a table, Jack had become Uncle Jack and as such, he now had one very talkative little girl on his lap. A talkative little girl who was shoving an ice cream cone in his face.

"Uh, I'm good. Thanks." Jack said, and the dessert was retracted with a sigh. Kate sat to his left, their legs almost glued together. Since she seemed to be taking some comfort in the physical contact, Jack hadn't moved.

Instead, he'd been studying the woman next to him. Away from work, Kate was a different person. The tough military façade slid away and was replaced by a young woman who giggled, teased and flicked gummy bears at her brother and nephew.

"Okay, you ready?" Kate asked, rolling a green gummy bear between her fingers. Across the table, Porter nodded, a look of determination on his young face.

"Here it comes." With a flick of her wrist, Kate tossed the piece of candy at her nephew. Opening his mouth, Porter managed to get under it, only to have it bounce off his nose and land on the floor.

"Oh, you're no good at this." Kate giggled and Jack couldn't help his own smile. Gone were the tears of twenty minutes ago and Jack decided that he liked this Kate better.

"Well, it's not like your pitching skills are so great." Porter said, but his smile undercut the sting of the words. Kate scowled and flicked a red bear at him.

"And I wonder why Abby gets in trouble for flicking M&Ms at the other kids in preschool." Sarah said dryly, digging her spoon into a banana split. Kate at least had the decency to look abashed at the reprimand.

"Aunt Kate, try my ice cream." Abby leaned over, apparently confident in Jack's ability to keep her from falling to the floor, which he barely did.

"Try it." Abby said, pushing the cone closer. Kate leaned down and tasted it, her face instantly screwing up.

"Abbi-Baby, what are you eating?" Kate said, studying the retreating ice-cream with distaste.

" 'Stachio." Abby said, completely unfazed by her aunt's rejection. Kate wrinkled her nose.

"Uh-huh, well, didn't your daddy tell you it's a family rule to eat chocolate?" Kate asked, offering Abby a bite of her ice cream concoction. Jack watched the little girl devour the bite of chocolate ice cream, chocolate sprinkles, chocolate syrup, crushed Oreos and gummy bears with relish. A thoughtful expression on her face, Abby leaned back.

"No, I like the 'stachio." Abby said. Kate sighed and took her own bite of ice cream.

"Finn, what have you done with my niece?" Kate asked, licking her spoon. Jack swallowed hard and looked over at Finn.

"I didn't do anything." Finn protested around a spoonful of his Rocky Road.

"Hey, Aunt Kate, guess what?" Porter spoke up, a devilish expression on his face. "She doesn't like lasagna either." Kate's mouth dropped open with exaggerated surprise.

"What? You don't like lasagna?" Abby squealed in laughter at her aunt's exclamation.

"How can you not like lasagna? It's like the cornerstone of… food. You have to like lasagna." Kate said, taking another bite of ice cream.

"I don't like it." Abby said, chin set to determined.

"Where did I go wrong?" Kate said with a grin. Jack just ate his ice cream.


	14. Bad Day Part 1

_**I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments**_

_**- Jim Morrison**_

_**(&)**_

Kate's bad day started when her cell-phone rang. Glancing at the clock on the bedside table, she discovered that it was only oh-six-hundred. Rolling onto her side, she searched the night stand for the offending object, knocking her reading glasses, Janet Evanovich novel and empty water bottle to the floor. Finally, she located the phone, groggily pressed it to her ear and answered with as much courtesy as she could muster.

"This better be important or I'm gonna hunt you down and kill you in ways too horrific to discuss over an unsecured line." Okay, so it wasn't _Emily Post's Book of Manners_, but it was the best that she could muster under the circumstances.

"Were you going to tell us you're pregnant or just show up at the next family reunion with an infant?!" With a groan, Kate rolled over and snuggled into the covers, cocooning herself as her mother's lightly accented voice shrieked over the phone line.

"Good morning, Maman. Actually, I was thinking about just not showing up to the next family reunion." There was a shriek from her mother on the other end of the line and then a deep bass chuckle that meant her father was also on the line.

"Hi, Papa." Kate sighed, letting her eyes drift shut.

"Good morning, little one." Her father said, his thick Welsh accent making her smile. With a French mother and a Welsh father, Kate had grown up addressing her parents according to their cultures and in whatever language they felt like using. At the moment, she was just grateful they were using English because she wasn't sure she could conjugate verbs in Welsh.

"How's work?" Kate asked over her mother's impatient sigh. She knew her mother and knew that she was too polite to interrupt a conversation, even it was just between her husband and her daughter and that was what Kate was banking on.

"It's going good. We locked down a contract for residential security with a law firm in New York and two restaurants in Denver are re-upping their contracts for two another years." Her father, Eoghan Troy was owner of Troy Security, a security firm that operated out of Denver. There was another branch in New York operated by her Uncle Tobe.

"Good for you." Kate murmured. Before they could say anything else, her mother broke in.

"We got home and there was a message from Finnegan. He said you're expecting and that the father looked old enough to be your father." Kate rolled her eyes beneath closed lids. She'd kill Finn later. Right now, she just wanted to sleep.

"Oh, sorry, Maman, I gotta go. Jack wants to have sex. If you call back tomorrow morning, we should be done." With that, Kate hung up and stretched out her legs. Just as she was drifting off to sleep, it rang again.

"Maman says you're having sex, but I don't hear anything. Must not be very good otherwise you wouldn't be answering the phone." Kate buried her face in her pillow, screamed and returned to the phone.

"Hi, Kieran." Kate said as her oldest brother yelled something at the racket in the background on the other end of the phone. There was a heavy thud and then a voice shrieked in protest. Kieran hollered for the voice to shut up.

"And hello to you, baby brat." Kieran said. "Hang on." The sound was muffled but Kate managed to make out Kieran threatening the other occupants of his house with bodily harm unless they quit throwing things. Then he came back on the line.

"So, you got a boyfriend _and_ got knocked up." Kieran said, laughter in his voice.

"Thanks for putting it so delicately." Kate snorted at her brother's tactless description.

"Well, Logan and I had a bet about when it would happen. The uh, boyfriend thing, not the pregnancy thing and now he now owes me two weekends of babysitting." Kieran sounded triumphant. Kate rolled onto her back, stared at the ceiling and wondered if it was possible for her entire family to be completely insane. At the same time. Then again she was adopted so this may very well have been a genetic thing that she'd been lucky enough to skip.

"You bet on my biological clock?" Kate asked, sitting up and pinning the cell-phone between her shoulder and her ear, stretching her arms down to her toes.

"Yeah, you were the only one who wasn't dating, married or having regular sex. I'd've gone for three weekends, but Logan was looking iffy. Hang on." The phone went muffled again and Kieran yelled again. After that, if at all possible, the noise got louder.

"Why're your kids up so early? They don't function before noon." Kate asked, when he came back on the phone. The sudden burst of noise receded, indicating that Kieran was in the garage and had probably locked himself in his truck.

"They're going snowboarding and it's a three hour drive." Kieran said. Kate swung her legs out of bed and stepped on Piggy's tail. He growled at the unwelcome wake-up. Kate ran her feet across his back and he put his head back on the floor.

"So, tell me about this guy. What's he like?" Kieran said. Kate sighed and swung her legs back onto the bed, knowing that this interrogation would take a while.

"Jack? He's a good guy." She said, staring at the ceiling, tucking her feet under the blankets.

"What's he do? Details are kinda sketchy and I have to have something to tell Maman when she calls back." Kate laughed at her brother's frankness.

"He's a USAF Colonel. Anything else?" She asked. Kieran paused for a minute.

"He really Pop's age?" Kate laughed again.

"He's… older." She admitted. Kieran sighed on the other end.

"How much older?" Kieran asked, disconcertion in his voice.

"Remember your first girlfriend?" Kate asked, stretching her toes toward the wall.

"Theresa Silvas. First grade. Why?" He asked. Kate grinned.

"Oh, wait, I'm thinking of Logan's first girlfriend." Kate said, shaking her head.

"You're kidding?" Kieran asked incredulously. "He's that much older than you?"

"No, I'm not kidding you, Kieran. Anything else you'd like to know?" There was a long pause.

"Kieran?" Kate asked.

"Sorry, I'm temporarily overloaded. Give me a second to process." Kieran said. She smiled and sat up again.

"You processed yet?" Kate asked.

"Working on it." Kieran replied, sounding like he was on the verge of a stroke.

"Go get your kids ready, Kieran. I'm going to take a shower." Before he could protest, Kate hung up, turned her phone off and tossed it onto the bed beside her.

"My entire family is nuts." Kate told her dog when he looked up at her. As she stood, her equilibrium rammed the contents of her stomach straight up her esophagus.

Ten seconds later, Kate was leaning over the toilet, throwing up the water she'd had in the middle of the night. After she was sure her stomach was empty, she flushed and sat back, head spinning. Finally, she stumbled to her feet and moved to the door.

Before she could reach for the knob, the door opened and with a _crack,_ Kate was flat on her back, watching little birds and stars flutter in a circle around her head. Just before she passed out, Kate saw a panicked looking Jack O'Neill leaning over her.

_**(&)**_

"Ow." Kate flinched away from the penlight that Dr. Fraiser flashed in her eyes. Still nauseous, Kate now had a killer headache to add to the mix of discomfort.

Colonel O'Neill hadn't been seen since the incident in question which was perfectly okay with Kate. He'd apparently stuck around long enough to make sure that she was okay and then he'd vacated the premises. Quickly.

Kate hugged the pillow closer to her chest and sank deeper into the recesses of the couch, trying to get away from the beam of light. Teal'c sat in a nearby chair, scratching Silly Piggy behind the ears.

"Hold still." Fraiser said, gently prodding the lump as Kate squirmed.

"Seriously, what's one more blow to the head gonna do?" Kate complained as Fraiser let her bangs fall back over the goose-egg and leaned back, clearly satisfied with her investigation.

"Other than a nasty headache, I think you'll be okay. Of course, since Colonel O'Neill's at the base, I'm going to have Teal'c stay with you for a little while. Just in case." Fraiser said, making a notation on the file that sat beside her on the coffee table. Kate shifted her gaze over to the Jaffa warrior who was having a staring contest with her Great Dane.

"Oh, this oughta be freakin' fascinatin'." Kate slumped back onto the couch and envisioned all the ways it could go wrong.

_**(&)**_

"How many times you seen this movie?" Kate asked around a mouthful of popcorn as she watched Mark Hamill do pushups with a little green Muppet on his back.

"This will be my tenth viewing." Teal'c said, tossing some kernels to Silly Piggy.

"So what is it exactly about this movie?" Kate asked. "The struggle between good and evil, the costumes… Princess Leia in a gold bikini?" She said with a wicked grin. Teal'c smiled.

"This film bears an uncanny resemblance to our life." Teal'c said, handing the popcorn bowl over to Kate.

"Yeah, I guess so. I mean, Daniel as Luke Skywalker, Colonel O'Neill as Han Solo, Sam as Princess Leia or actually maybe C3PO…" She trailed off.

"And who do you see me as?" Teal'c asked, smiling as if he already knew.

"Don't take this the wrong way, big guy, but you kinda remind me of Chewie." Kate said, tossing a piece of popcorn in the air and catching it in her mouth.

"I see." Anyone else, Kate would have been worried about telling that to, but Teal'c was smiling so Kate turned her attention back to the TV screen. They watched in silence for a few more minutes before Kate turned back to Teal'c.

"Okay, here's a question. Would you rather go through the Gate with your staff weapon or a lightsaber?" Teal'c arched an eyebrow at her. Kate shrugged.

"It's a perfectly reasonable question." She said. His expression changed from amused to thoughtful.

"There are considerable advantages to either weapon. Is there a specific situation to which you are referring?" Teal'c asked. Kate scrunched up her face as she thought.

"Jaffa ambush two miles from the Gate." She suddenly said and turned to him.

"A staff weapon." Teal'c replied, fishing for another handful of popcorn.

"Okay, close quarters battle with Jaffa and Replicators." Kate said, tucking her legs up under her.

"A lightsaber." Teal'c said, smiling at her. Satisfied, Kate turned back to the movie. They watched in silence until…

"Hey, T?"

"Yes, Major?"

"Who does Yoda remind you of?"


	15. Bad Day Part 2

_**Lorelai: Stop saying 'mother' like that.**_

_**Rory: Like what?**_

_**Lorelai: Like there should be another word after it.**_

_**-Gilmore Girls**_

_**(&)**_

Jack sat at his desk, staring at the report in front of him. He was trying to remember the details from the last mission SG1 had been on, before they'd lost half the team to childhood. So far, the parts that he'd managed to come up with were an explosion, losing his left boot and the whole situation being all Danny's fault.

Jack tapped his pen on the desktop as he tried to remember the exact cause of the explosion. He was still trying to decide between 'freak accident' and 'Spacemonkey' touched something he shouldn't have,' when the phone rang. With a heavy sigh, he reached for it, dragging it to his ear.

"Where the hell are you?" The voice hissing through the phone was a familiar one. Jack leaned back in his chair and tossed his pen onto the desk.

"Well, if you called me on base, then I'm obviously on base." Jack said, wondering if she was still pissed about the bathroom door incident earlier that morning.

"Stop being a wise-ass and come home." Jack reminded himself that was the hormones talking and it wasn't a good enough reason to smack her with another door.

"Why're you whispering?" He asked, scrubbing a hand across his face.

"Because I'm hiding in the closet." That comment made Jack sit straight up in his chair so quickly that he almost fell out of it.

"Are you all right? Where's Teal'c?" Thousands of questions flooded his mind, some of which included, 'why was she in the closet,' 'is this a result of the head injury this morning,' and 'what the hell now?'

"Teal'c left two hours ago. That's not the real problem. The real problem is that I have seven very large and very, very unhappy men sitting in the living room." Jack didn't realize he was holding his breath until his lungs started burning.

"I'll be right there." Jack said, cutting off whatever she was starting to say. Hanging up, he punched the intercom button on his phone.

"Security to Colonel O'Neill's office!"

**(&)**

It hadn't occurred to Jack that Kate had an extremely twisted sense of humor until he and five Marines came crashing through the front door of his house and found her seated in the lap of an older man who was tugging her ponytail with such familiarity that Jack knew he'd been had.

"Took you long enough. Oh, and you brought company." Jack didn't miss the evil glint in Kate's eyes as she spoke. The Marines still had their guns drawn, clearly confused. Jack had told them that they'd be dealing with a 'potential hostage situation involving SGC personnel,' not a 'sadistic, pregnant woman with a really bad sense of humor.' Glaring at Kate, Jack holstered his sidearm, motioning for the Marines to follow suit. They did, slowly and suspiciously.

"So, what? This is payback for this morning?" Jack asked. Kate smiled evilly as all eyes in the room turned toward the black bruise on her forehead and then turned on him with no small degree of hostility. Jack ignored his impending doom by focusing on Kate.

"Would you have come home if I'd told you that my family had descended en masse?" Kate asked. Jack started to protest, stopped when he realized that everyone was listening intently and crooked a finger in her direction.

"Kitchen. Now." He snapped, trying to keep a rein on his temper.

"Hey!" One of the men protested, but the Marines stepped forward in unison and the man fell silent. Kate made a face, but followed. Jack turned the corner into the kitchen and almost ran straight into an older woman who was mixing what looked like a pitcher of lemonade. Kate stumbled into his back when he stopped, grabbing his shoulder to keep from falling over.

Jack turned around and pulled her into the kitchen by her elbow, holding her in front of him like a shield as the woman turned to them. She was older, but still pretty with curly blonde hair and a smile that lit up the room. She also looked nothing like Kate.

"Is this him?" The older woman asked, her voice coated in a light French accent. Jack winced as Kate backed up onto his feet. He wrapped an arm around her waist and nudged her forward.

"No, Maman, I routinely bring home strange men while Jack's gone." Kate muttered, flicking Jack's hand with her finger until he let go. The older woman gave Kate a disapproving look and the younger woman turned her head to stare at the toaster.

"Bonjour, I'm Madeline Troy." Jack took the proffered hand as Kate settled against the fridge, arms folded across her chest. Jack was more than a little surprised when she started mumbling to herself in another language.

"Katerina! Stop that." Her mother admonished. Jack turned to Kate, grinning widely. A dark flush crept across her cheeks as she stared pointedly at her feet.

"I don't know how you put with that mouth, Jack. When she was little, she used to live on soap and water." Madeline said, smiling fondly despite her words. If at all possible, Kate got redder.

"Oh, she's not that bad." Jack said, still grinning. The look Kate gave him suggested violent retribution and she muttered something at him in French.

"Katerina!" Madeline said, a horrified look crossing her face. Jack looked back and forth between the two women, more than a little lost.

"What?" Kate said, squirming under her mother's gaze.

"I just do not think that calling your future husband a -" Madeline said, looking and sounding exasperated with her daughter.

"Maman!" Kate cut her mother off with a near shriek and grabbed Jack's arm. He allowed himself to be dragged out of the kitchen, past the living room where the Marines had joined her family in watching a football game and down the hallway to his bedroom.

"So, what exactly did you call me?" Jack asked as she pushed him through the door and kicked it shut behind them.

"Nothing I'm going to repeat now." Kate said, folding her arms across her chest. Jack folded his own arms across his chest. He could be just as stubborn as she could, maybe even more so.

"Why not?" Jack asked as Kate crossed to the bed. She collapsed onto it. That's when Jack noticed that she was wearing a pair of his sweatpants, the ones that said 'NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs' down the side in big white letters..

"Hey, are those my…" She raised her head to glare at him and Jack shut up.

"Okay, new question. What is your family doing in my living room? And what was with the mysterious phone call?" He asked. Kate sat up on her elbows.

"Again, I ask, would you have come home if you knew that my family was here?" Jack scowled at her, but before he could say anything, the sound of something thumping against the window stopped him.

Standing at the glass, faces pressed against the window panes in grotesque masks were two teenage boys. Kate smiled and made a shooing motion with one of her hands. The two boys shook their heads in unison. With a sigh, Kate pushed off the bed and walked to the window. She stuck out her tongue and then pulled the window shade down.

"Friends of yours?" Jack asked when she turned back around.

"My nephews." Watching Kate stand there with her arms wrapped around herself, Jack was struggling to remember why he was mad at her. Her head tilted to the side and the loose braid that held her hair slid over her shoulder. Jack shook his head to clear it. He was mad. She'd done something bad.

"You do realize I thought you were in actual danger," Kate's nose wrinkled at the not so subtle reprimand, so Jack added. "Katerina." The nose wrinkling stopped as Kate's eyes narrowed on him.

"It's Kate." She said, scowling.

"Katerina's kinda nice." Jack said, knowing her was tempting fate.

"You do know that I have no problem with punching you, right?" She asked.

"I know." Jack said. A confused look crossed her face and Jack was glad that for once that he'd been the one to throw her for a loop. A knock at the door stopped any more loop throwing.

"Katerina?" Still scowling, Kate neatly sidestepped him and behind him, Jack heard the door open. Then he heard a thump that could only have been the sound of wood connecting with someone's forehead.

"What, Maman?" Jack turned to see Kate wobbling in front of the door. Still out of view of Madeline, Jack stepped forward, holding a hand to Kate's waist. To his surprise, she didn't fight him off, instead, she leaned against him.

"Are you two arguing?" Madeline asked, sounding faintly ashamed.

"No, Maman. Goodbye, Maman." Kate said and shut the door. Jack couldn't stop grinning. He was just glad that he saw his mother once a year and that she didn't live anywhere in the surrounding area. Otherwise, he might have had a chance to perfect the martyred look that Kate always seemed to wear around her family.

"So, is this recent bout of clumsiness because of the pregnancy or are you always gonna act this way around me?" Jack asked as he walked backwards towards the bed, holding her in his arms.

"Oh, believe me, this is all you, sir." Kate mumbled as he sat her on the edge of the bed and pushed her bangs back to get a better view of the bruise on her forehead.

"You can call me Jack." He said, dragging his gaze down to her big blue eyes.

"Why?" She asked, blinking at him.

"Because you're having my kid." Jack said, resting his hands on her hips in a decidedly bold move. Kate blinked again.

"Why are you still touching me?" She finally asked, her voice soft.

"Not sure." Jack said, feeling the heat from her body soaking into his palms.

"Are you gonna let go anytime soon?" She asked, still staring at him with a slightly dazed expression.

"Don't want to, so probably, no." Jack replied, completely sure of the answer, completely confused about the emotion behind it.

"Well, I'd like to take a nap, so unless…" Her voice trailed off as a slightly uncomfortable expression crossed her face.

"You just hit your head. Again. Sleeping isn't really a good idea." Jack said, his knees twinging from crouching so long.

"Yeah, that wasn't really a question." Kate said, scooting backwards, forcing Jack to move with her if he wanted to continue touching her. And to his surprise… he did.

**(&)**

Sergeant Frank Hanson was facing a dilemma. He was in his CO's house, standing in front of his CO's bedroom, preparing to knock on the door. The problem was that his CO had disappeared with Major Troy an hour ago and hadn't been seen since. Raising his hand and hoping this wouldn't destroy his career, Hanson knocked.

There was no answer and so he knocked again. No reply. Sighing, he turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open.

"Colonel O'Nei…" Hanson's voice trailed off as he opened the door all the way. Major Troy and Colonel O'Neill were both curled up in the middle of the bed. One of O'Neill's hands was tangled in Troy's hair and the two of them were so entwined it was kind of like seeing a two-headed monster. Both were sound asleep.

Hanson pulled the door shut as quietly as he could, shaking his head to try and rattle loose the picture that was now frozen in his mind's eye.

"Hey, is Colonel O'Neill in there?" Lt. Foyer asked from the couch next to Troy's dad. Hanson ran a hand through his short hair.

"Uh, yeah, yeah. He's in… there." Hanson said with a wave in the general direction of the bedroom.

"With Major Troy?" Foyer asked. Hanson gave a non-committal nod and re-joined the family on the couch.

"So, what? They comin' out soon or what?" Foyer was insistent in his questioning. Hanson just folded his arms across his chest and stared at the TV.

_**(&)**_

_**This chappie is dedicated to Ed. Thanx for all the ideas, luv.**_


	16. Bad day: The End

_**Andrew: You keep leaving me. I hate it when you leave me. One time you died and I became a Mexican.**_

_**-Buffy the Vampire Slayer**_

_**(&)**_

"Katie-bug!" The bedroom door banged open with this announcement and Kate shot upright like a horse out of the starting gate. A pair of strong arms wrapped around her body, stilling her frantic search attempts for a weapon. That's when Kate got a good look at who had interrupted her nap.

"There's a guy standing on your front porch sucking his thumb." Kieran said, leaning in the doorway in a nonchalant sort of way. Jack was off the bed almost instantly and out of the room, almost knocking Kieran to the floor. Kate just sort of flopped over as her backrest was suddenly gone.

"Oh, crap. Jackson." Kate said as it sunk in. A wail came from the direction of the living room and she fell off the bed, trying to stand up. Kieran collected her off the floor with big brother indifference and set her on her feet.

"So, why is there a guy standing on your front porch sucking his thumb?" Kieran asked as he followed her down the hallway.

"He's got a condition." Kate tried to explain as she stepped into the living room. Jack was standing near the front door with Jackson who was crying at the top of his lungs, wrapped around him like an octopus. Sam was huddled in a corner of the living room while Finn tried to coax her out.

"Sammy, come here." Almost knocking Finn over in her haste, Sam launched herself at Kate. She almost buckled under the onslaught, but Kieran caught both of them, keeping them upright. Sam didn't seem to mind the sudden bear hug from a stranger as she buried her face in Kate's neck.

"So, what," Kieran grunted as he straightened them. "Both of them have conditions?" His tone of voice suggested that he wasn't buying it.

"It's a psychological thing." Kate lied badly, patting the heaving shoulders of the woman in her arms as Kieran continued to keep them both upright with an ease that annoyed her.

"Must be some psychological thing." Finn said, eyeing Jackson who was peering at him from around Jack's thigh, sniffling loudly.

"Hey, Jackson, uh, I mean, Daniel, how'd you get off base?" Kate asked as Sam, apparently trying to copy her friend Jackson, slid down her leg and sat on her foot. Kate almost fell over again. There were no signs of the SF's and Kate wondered at that. Maybe her brother's had killed them. She wouldn't put it past them.

"The nice lady brought us." Jackson mumbled. Kate looked around for the 'nice lady,' but didn't see anything. Then Gracie's head peered around Brogan's arm and Kate only just managed to stifle a curse that would have made Finn thump her over the back of her head.

"Gracie, quit hiding behind my brother and get out here." With a heavy sigh, her friend stepped around Brogan just enough to show herself, but not far enough out that Brogan's body didn't offer some sort of protection. Kate didn't blame her friend.

"Hey, I'm just following orders." Gracie said, spreading her hands in front of her. "Hammond's the one who wanted them here." Kate exchanged a glance with Jack.

_**(&)**_

Ten minutes later, Kate watched Jack have a pointless phone conversation with General Hammond while she refereed the wrestling Sam and Jackson. Finally, Jack slammed the phone down on the hook, causing both adolescent adults to stop fighting and look at him.

"There's a bunch of brass down from the Pentagon for talks with the Tok'ra." Jack sighed, running his fingers through his already sticking-up hair. Kate had to smile. Somehow the gesture made him seem more human and less like a soldier.

"And General Hammond doesn't wanna risk these two running into the middle of a meeting screeching about the Telletubbies." Kate finished what Jack didn't say. He nodded, folding his arms across his chest. Kate had the sudden urge to hug him.

"Katie-bug!" The voice announced Kieran's presence just before the bedroom door banged opened again and Kieran came in, followed by his sons.

"You know, if we'd been having sex, Cade and Aiden would have been scarred for life. You too." Kieran shrugged at her statement, but she didn't miss the faint flush that spread across his cheeks. Behind her, Kate heard Jack laugh, a short sound like he cut it off mid-sound.

"Maybe you should tell that to your _other_ nephews who didn't buy a pay-per-view Playboy movie last weekend." Kieran said, leaning against the dresser. Kate shifted her gaze to the two young men who had developed a sudden interest with their shoes.

"So, uh, why did you come barging in here?" Kate asked, thinking up ways to scold her nephews later. Daniel ruined the rough-tough look that she was going for by latching onto her thigh and demanding a ride. Sam immediately followed suit.

"Well, the boys and I wanted to take Jack out for a drink." Kieran said, grinning. If Jack hadn't been standing behind her, Kate would have fallen over.

"A drink. As in imbibing alcoholic beverages? In public?" Kate asked, reaching behind her to cling to Jack's arm. He tried to pull away, but she dug her fingers in.

"Is there any other kind?" Kieran asked, wrinkling his nose at her.

"And where would you be going for this drink?" Kate asked, already knowing the answer and not liking it.

"Buck's." Kieran said, his grin widening. Kate's jaw dropped open.

"Sounds good to me." Jack said as he managed to wrest control of his arm away from her and move to a safe distance that she couldn't get to because of her twin leg-weights.

"Okay if I leave the monsters with you? Good." Kieran said, not waiting for the reply. He and Jack were gone before she could blink.

"Oh, crap. Oh crap. Oh crap." Kate muttered as four very confused looking children looked on.


	17. No, you can't paint me hot pink

_**House: Trouble in paradise. 2 o'clock.**_

_**Wilson: Wait, your 2 o'clock or my 2 o'clock?**_

_**House: Over there!**_

_**-House**_

_**(&)**_

"So, what's up with this Jack thing? You two gettin' married or somethin'?" Kate swung her gaze away from SportsCenter. Aiden, the one who'd spoken, was popping Cheetoh's in his mouth so fast that she wasn't sure he'd actually spoken to her. The guilty look on his face, however, confirmed her suspicions.

"Did he just ask me…?" Kate directed the cut-off question to Cade who was on the floor with Jackson and Sam playing Legos. Sadly, he was losing.

"Dad told him too." Cade replied, rapidly becoming engaged in a hybrid game of 'rock, paper, scissors,' and 'Bloody knuckles' with Jackson. Kate looked back at Aiden who was blushing and staring at the TV with the single-minded intensity of a teenager who knew he was about to get an earful.

"What?" Aiden protested, staring at Steve Levy like the man would be any help and refusing to look at her.

"Are you and your girlfriend getting married?" Kate asked, folding her arms as she glared at the side of her nephew's head.

"They sure act like it." Cade muttered from where he was pinned under Jackson. Aiden shot a deadly look at his older brother who was a little busy to catch the intensity of it.

"No," Aiden said, dragging his gaze back to the TV. "But we're just kids. You and Jack are grownups." He said like it explained it all.

"Is there some law that says Jack and I have to get married?" Kate asked, digging into the Cheetoh bag.

"According to Dad and all the uncles, there is." Cade grunted as he gained the upper hand on Jackson.

"Yeah, well, according to my brothers, there's a law against anything male being within a five-mile radius of my person." Kate muttered darkly. They all sat in semi-silence for a few minutes watching the TV.

"I'm bored." The whine came from Sam. Kate glanced down at the floor and found Cade, Jackson, and Sam all tangled on the floor.

"Yeah, and?" Kate asked, nudging her nephew with her foot. Aiden was pointedly ignoring them as he tried to reach for the remote control. Kate rapped his knuckles.

"I wanna paint!" Jackson crowed. Kate sighed.

"And just where do you propose that I miraculously come up with paint?" Kate asked, reaching for the Cheetoh's again.

"That nice lady from the base gave us some. It's in my backpack." Sam said as she squirmed to get free of Cade and Jackson. Kate groaned as the woman vanished for a few minutes and came back with a brightly colored Barbie backpack which was promptly dumped in her lap. Kate unzipped it and found a multitude of crayons, coloring books and four jars of finger paint.

"And do I have your guarantee that this paint will stay on the paper and not go whizzing around the room?" Kate asked, nailing Sam and Jackson with a glare that she'd gotten pretty good at delivering in the last three weeks.

"Yes, Aunt Kate." The two chorused in sync.

_**(&)**_

Kate stared in the bathroom mirror, wondering how she'd ended up with green paint inside her ear. Her dark red hair clashed terribly with the bright pink that had been liberally smeared through it. Kate fingered it gingerly and almost groaned when she found out that it was drying.

"Those two are a laugh riot." A voice said from behind her. Kate turned to see Cade standing in the doorway to the bathroom.

"Do see me laughing?" Kate said, looking at the blue and yellow mixture that covered the front of her black t-shirt. Then she glanced back at Cade.

"How come you only have one purple spot on your cheek?" She asked suspiciously. Cade shrugged, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"I've fingerpainted with Abby before." Cade said, looking wise beyond his years. Kate scowled at him and went back to staring at herself in the mirror.

"Aiden and I'll watch the hellions while you take a shower." Cade said and shut the bathroom door. Kate turned back to the mirror and scowled some more.

Ten minutes later, freshly clothed in a pair of baggy jeans and a t-shirt that proclaimed 'Semper Fi: Do or Die', Kate stood in her bedroom, toweling her hair dry. Luckily, all the paint had come off under the hot water and with lots of soap and scrubbing.

"AUNTIE KATE, SOMEONE'S HERE TO SEE YOU! AN' HE'S A REAL BIG GUY!" Jackson bellowed from the living room. Kate groaned and dropped the towel on the floor. Just great. Teal'c was back. Now, not only did she have to deal with the Wonder Twins, she had to explain to her nephews why there was a big scary looking man with a gold tattoo on his forehead standing in the living room.

Kate stepped into the living room, still rubbing at her hair and froze. There were five men in the living room and they were all real big. Incidentally none of them were Teal'c.

"Major Troy?" Kate turned to the left as the man who'd been coloring on the floor with Sam rose to his feet with a grace that was unnerving. His dark green eyes nailed her to the floor or maybe it was the fact that he looked like he could have bench pressed seven Teal'c's without breaking a sweat.

"Yes?" Kate asked, taking a few steps back although escape didn't seem like such a viable option as a few of his friends started to close ranks around her.

"I'm afraid you're going to have to come with me."


	18. The Drunken Art of Interrogation

_**Dave: A few weeks ago you told me that Lane had a crush on me. Well, I have a crush on her, too. Now, I know you have very strict rules about dating and boys, but I just want you to know that I'm a good person. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I've never gotten a ticket, I'm healthy, I take care of myself, I floss. I never watch more than 30 minutes of television a night partly because I think it's a waste of time and partly because there's nothing on. I respect my parents, I do well in school, I never play video games in case they do someday prove that playing them can turn you into a serial killer. I don't drink coffee. I hate soda because the carbonation freaks me out. I'm happy to give up meat if you feel strongly about it. I don't mind wearing a tie. I enjoy playing those hymns on my guitar, and I really, really want to take your daughter to the prom.**_

_**-Gilmore Girls**_

_**(&)**_

At the moment, Jack was wishing for a hurricane, a tidal wave or any other type of natural disaster. He wasn't particularly picky at the moment. Hell, even being smote by God was looking good. He shifted in his seat trying to get away from Finn on his left and immediately ran into Brogan on his right.

"Hi." Brogan said, and Jack looked down at his beer. In his opinion going out for a drink was supposed to have been a mini-holiday away from Kate and Daniel and Sam. Apparently to the Troy family, going out for a beer was code for 'intimidate little sister's new boyfriend.' A sort of Spanish Inquisition… that involved beer.

"So, Jack, you never told us how you and Kate met." Kieran said from the across the table. At least, Jack thought it was Kieran. In the dim recesses of their booth, it was hard to tell if it was Kieran or the one who was almost identical to Kieran, Ian. Then he caught sight of the glasses. Definitely Kieran.

"Oh. At work." Jack said, not offering any more of an explanation.

"Right. Out at that military base. Cheyenne Mountain, right?" Brogan asked. Jack nodded and switched his gaze back to his beer.

"What exactly do you do out there?" Another Troy asked. Jack thought it was Dylan.

"Deep Space Telemetry." Jack said, slipping easily into the cover story. There were confused glances from all sides.

"Radar, watching for comets. You know, keeping an eye out for the aliens." Jack elaborated. A few smiles cracked around the table. If only they'd known the truth…

"So, what does Kate do out there? She's a Marine and she couldn't find the Big Dipper if it was sitting right in front of her." That voice was unmistakable. Finn.

"Oh, Kate's one of our security officers." Jack said. It was sort of a lie, but not really. He had a feeling that if the Troy brothers actually knew what their little sister did for a living, they'd have simultaneously blown a gasket.

"So, what? Scientist and Jarhead?" Brogan asked from his left. Jack almost laughed. It was the first time anyone had mistaken him for a scientist.

"Not quite." Jack said. Luckily, the brothers left it at that.

"So, you see any action?" Brogan asked, apparently still curious. Jack turned to the man beside him. There was no mistaking the look in the other man's face.

"Colombia. Bosnia. Gulf War. You?" Jack asked. Brogan nodded and Jack figured he'd found at least one ally in the Troy family.

"Gulf War. Kuwait." Jack nodded. Silence fell for a few minutes before Dylan broke it with an insane hyena laugh.

"I just had a thought." Dylan said as if it wasn't something that happened very often.

"Well, that's a first." Finn snorted, confirming Jack's suspicions. Jack laughed into his beer as Dylan shot back a reply about reproducing with a cow, and then turned his attention back to Jack.

"Time for embarrassing stories about Kate." Dylan said as if it was the most normal thing to talk about and the rest of the Troy men cheered. Jack wondered what exactly he was going to be finding out about Kate or if he even wanted to find out anything about her.

"Should I be worried about this?" Jack asked, putting his now empty beer bottle on the table. Kieran shrugged as he gestured for the waitress. Jack took that as a 'probably'.

"Hey, boys." The waitress, wearing jeans and a snug t-shirt, smiled broadly as she stepped up to the table, an empty tray balanced on her hip in a way that came only with practice.

"Maya, how's my favorite waitress?" Kieran asked, tugging the woman down on to his knee at the edge of the table.

"Okay, Kiernan, enough with the flattery. Who wants a refill?" Maya asked, setting her order book on the tray. Jack added his hand to the ones that shot up all over the table.

"Oh, hey, we almost forgot to introduce someone. Maya, this is Kate's boy toy, Jack." Kieran said. Maya leaned across the table, still seated on Kieran's lap and shook Jack's hand.

"Nice to meetcha." Maya said, leaning back and tugging at Kieran's grip on her waist.

"Same." Jack said, twirling his bottle on the table, not really liking the appraising look he was getting. It seemed like women were a lot better at sniffing out lies than men.

"Guess what?" Kieran said. Brogan elbowed Jack in the ribs and when Jack glanced to his left, he saw the man roll his eyes. Yep, definitely an ally.

"Kate's pregnant." Maya said, gracefully rising to her feet. Kieran's jaw flopped open and the rest of the Troy brothers broke into laughter.

"Bu-. Wha-? How'd you know?" Kieran asked, looking a little put out that his secret had been told before he'd had a chance to tell it.

"Tobe called Buck." Maya said and with another Mona Lisa smile took off back to the bar. Jack nudged Brogan in the ribs.

"Buck?" He asked. Brogan jerked his head toward the bar where a burly guy who looked like a stereotypical bartender was laughing at something one of the waitresses was saying.

"Owner. He and Dad and my uncle Tobe are real good friends. Served in Vietnam." Brogan said. Jack suddenly had the urge to switch his beer order to whiskey. An entire bottle. Before he could implement his plan, however, his cell-phone rang. Jack answered it, ignoring the glare from Finn.

"Colonel O'Neill!" A frantic voice bellowed in his ear and Jack almost dropped his phone. Juggling it, he pressed it to his ear.

"Who is this?" Jack asked, keeping his voice low. The voice sounded familiar.

"It's Dr. Price. Kate and Dr. Jackson and Major Carter are gone." Jack's breath caught in his chest and his mouth went dry.

"Gone?" He managed to choke out.

"Your front room is trashed. It looks like someone put up a fight, but there's no one here." Jack felt sick. Brogan must have noticed something was wrong because he cut off Dylan's vivid retelling of a story with a gesture. The entire table went silent as everyone turned their attention to Jack.

"Okay, there were two teenage boys there." Jack said.

"No. There's no one here." The panic was evident in Price's voice. She sounded close to tears.

"Where are Cade and Aiden?" Kieran asked, deadly quiet, eyes blazing behind his glasses, the rims glinting evilly.

"Okay, Doc, calm down." Jack's voice was a lot calmer than he felt. "Call the base and tell General Hammond what happened. I'll be there as soon as I can." Jack hung up and found himself faced with seven stone faced brothers.

"If you say there's been _an incident_, I'm going to kill you." Kieran said. Jack looked at his watch.

"How about if I say it's a matter of national security?" Jack said. Kieran's scowl told him that that wasn't the right answer either.


	19. Keednopped

_**Jack**__**: The hell with culture - a member of my team has been neutralized. That's a hostile act.  
**__**Daniel**__**: How is it that you always come up with the worst case scenario?  
**__**Jack**__**: I practice.**_

_**-Stargate: SG1**_

_**(&)**_

It was a new experience being kidnapped. And Kate was rapidly discovering that she didn't like it. She kicked and bit and squirmed and employed every get-out-of-big-brothers-WWF-wrestling-matches-move that she could think of to escape her three captors. The only reason that she was still struggling was because she was fairly certain that her kidnappers weren't going to hit a pregnant woman.

The fist that cuffed her upside the head a few seconds later distilled that notion and Kate went down hard, her injured hip screaming as it met unforgiving concrete. Luckily someone caught her around the waist before her head could impact the floor and leave a dent.

In response to the rough treatment, Kate threw up all over the shoes of her rescuer, showing him what she'd had for lunch. After the heaving had ended, she shook her head to try and clear the ringing out of her ears.

"Those were new shoes." A man's voice muttered near her left ear, sounding faintly amused and for some strange reason, familiar. Kate assumed the man who was speaking was the one holding onto her.

"Sorry." She gasped, still feeling nauseous and now on the verge of passing out. The man pulled her back a few feet from the remnants of her meal and then set her on the floor.

"Sorry about the love tap. Kevin gets grumpy if he doesn't get to play rough." Kate blinked and finally looked up at the man. He was about her age with dark hair, bright green eyes and a smile that was charming. Well, for a kidnapper. _A very familiar kidnapper_. Kate started to open her mouth to comment on that but the man gave a brief shake of his head and she snapped her jaw shut, looking elsewhere. The other one, the one that she was assuming was Kevin was the one she'd run into in the living room. The really big one. He'd taken up a post less than a foot away from her and was eyeing her suspiciously.

"I know the feeling." Kate muttered, raising a hand to press against the goose-egg she could feel growing on the side of her head.

"Aunt Kate!" A voice suddenly echoed down the hall. Kate whipped around. Aiden and Cade had broken free of their captors and were rushing towards her. Taking advantage of Kevin's sudden distraction, Kate rammed her foot into the side of his knee. The man went down hard and Kate scrambled backwards, trying to keep out of range should the now flat on the floor man decide to pop her another one.

Her escape was ruined almost instantly when she ran into the legs of the familiar kidnapper. A pair of hands slid under her arms, pulling her to her feet none to gently.

"Oh, that was a low blow." He said, swinging her away from Kevin. Kate squirmed as the man frog-marched her down the hall. Behind her the sounds of a struggle told her that Aiden and Cade had been re-captured and were raising chaos.

Somehow even with Kate fighting all the way, her captor managed to man-handle her into a room. Kate tried to brace herself in the doorway as she scanned over the television, bed and what looked like a door to a bathroom. A shove to her shoulder that was gentler than she expected sent her spinning into the room and her captor quickly pulled the door shut. Despite being pregnant, Kate's military training kicked in and she leaped for the door. Unfortunately, the leaping was in vain because the door was locked.

"Sonuvabitch." Kate muttered, kicking it. That turned out to be a bad idea in sandals. She limped back to the bed and sank onto it. Yep, being kidnapped was definitely a new experience… and she didn't like it at all.


	20. They're gonna kick my ass

_**You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something.**_

_**- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.**_

_**(&)**_

Getting out of the booth was definitely going to be a problem. He had Brogan, Dylan, and Ian on one side and Finn, Kieran, Logan and Casey on the other. None of them were smiling and he was fairly certain that more than four of them were growling. Jack figured his chances of getting out of the booth were about as good as, well, frankly they weren't very good at all.

"Where. Are. My. Kids?" Kieran was talking in that over-enunciated, teeth-gritted way that people spoke in when they were trying desperately to keep a grip on the temper and not succeeding. Jack regarded the light glinting off the wire-rimmed glances and decided that Kieran was far more dangerous than he looked.

"Let's have more info." That one was Logan and Jack winced. If he remembered correctly, and he liked to think that he did, Logan was a cop. Detective, actually. Either way it did not bode well.

"Uh…" Jack let out the rest of his breath in a sigh. This wasn't going to turn out good. If he told them the truth, they'd beat the crap out of him. If he didn't tell them the truth, they'd beat the crap out of him. If he told them the moon was made of cheese, well, then they'd beat the crap out of him.

"Kate and the kids are missing." Jack figured that 'your sister is pregnant due to an alien device, my co-workers are children in grown-up bodies, and your sons are probably being held by some top secret government agency that wouldn't have second thoughts about killing them,' was probably the wrong thing to say so he opted for option B. Still, 'Kate and the kids are missing,' had nearly the same effect.

The table exploded with cursing and mutters of anger. Jack hadn't ever really been afraid of civilians before, but the current situation merited a certain amount of concern. Logan was already on his cell, speaking in rapid cop-enese.

"This has something to do with her work, doesn't it?" Brogan muttered under his breath, just loud enough for Jack to hear. Jack nodded. Luckily before Brogan could question anymore, help arrived in the form of Robert Makepeace. The bar went silent as Makepeace and a squad of armed Marines pushed their way through the front door and headed straight towards Jack's booth. Jack had never been so happy to see a bunch of men in his entire life. He made a mental note to never mention that to anyone.

"Jack?" Brogan's voice was dangerously calm, but suggested that should Jack need help, he had the man's assistance. Makepeace stepped right up to the booth, hand casually resting on his hand on the gun strapped to his thigh.

"Jack, looks like you're havin' a grand ol' time." Makepeace drawled. Jack shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant as he tore at the label on his empty.

"So, why don't you just let the Colonel slide on out of the booth and go find your sister?" Makepeace's tone was friendly, but the hard glint in his eye wasn't. A general grumbling of anger ran through the Troy men. One of the Marines stepped forward and Jack recognized Mullins.

"You okay, Colonel?" Mullins asked, his usually smiling face serious.

"Just fine, Mullins." Jack said, not really sure if he was fine. Finn was growling like a pitbull beside him and Kieran had gone so quiet it was scary.

"What on God's green earth are you idiots doing just standing around for?" Dr. Price's strident tone of voice cut through the silence of the bar. Everyone turned as the woman strode through the small crowd, through the Marines and up to the table, eyes flashing angrily.

"Okay, my best friend is missing and you idiots are all too busy with your masculine posturing. SHIT!" No one said anything. Brogan started to say something, but his words died when Price turned her deadly gaze on him.

"Not one word out of you, Brogan Troy or I'll shove my foot up your ass." Jack blinked a little bit before remembering that Kate was best friends with Price and as such had probably been around the family more than Jack. Brogan silently nudged the brother to his right and Brogan, Dylan and Ian slid out of the booth, allowing Jack an escape. He gladly took it. As Jack followed Price, the Marines and Makepeace out the door, he was all too aware of the seven pairs of eyes burning holes in his back.


	21. Nap Time

_**Kirk: I have night terrors.**_

_**Luke: Night terrors?**_

_**Kirk: Basically, I freak out at beddy-bye. About an hour after I fall asleep, I wake up in panic. Everything around me seems threatening, scary, out to get me. Two nights ago, I was suddenly gripped with the overwhelming feeling that there was an assassin in my house.**_

_**Luke: Jeez.**_

_**Kirk: I had to get out of the room before he got me, so I jumped out of bed and locked my pillow in the bathroom.**_

_**Luke: Why?**_

_**Kirk: Because it was a bomb.**_

_**Luke: Of course.**_

_**Kirk: After neutralizing my pillow, I ran up the stairs, climbed out the bathroom window, scaled the trellis up the side of the house, and hid on the roof…**_

_**Luke: Huh.**_

_**Kirk: Completely naked.**_

_**Luke: Aw, jeez!**_

_**Kirk: The worst part of night terrors is it always ends up with me on top of the roof completely naked or running naked or swimming in the community-center pool completely naked. That was the time I thought I was on fire.**_

_**-Gilmore Girls**_

_**(&)**_

Kate had spent the first half-hour of her imprisonment kicking the door, searching for anything she could use as a weapon and bellowing at the top of her lungs about government conspiracies because she really didn't have anything else to do. Eventually, a large man with an even larger needle and really large gun came into the room and chased her around for a little while. Captured, drugged, and lying in an unusually comfortable bed, Kate found herself dreaming:

The singing was bad. Like William Hung on _American Idol_ bad. And it was bad singing that could have come from only one man. Kate cracked one eye open and stared at the clock on the bedside table. Good god, he was singing Gloria Gaynor at 0723. Kate shook her head to clear away the sleep cobwebs and was pounced on.

"Mama, Daddy sings bad." A little voice crowed in her ear. Kate sighed and threw back the covers, capturing the little boy who'd leaped on her under the covers.

"MAMA!" Noah shrieked at the top of his lungs. Kate pulled back the top of the comforter and found him grinning at her.

"Daddy! Save me!" Noah bellowed at the top of his lungs and before Kate could react, she was being pulled backwards, wrapped tightly in someone's arms. A stubble-laced kiss brushed across the back of her neck and Kate squirmed at the sensation.

"Jack!" She protested. A figure appeared momentarily in their bedroom doorway long enough to proclaim that his entire family was nuts and then disappeared.

"Was that our other son?" Kate asked as Jack turned her around to face him, keeping his arms wrapped around her waist.

"If by our other son, you mean the odd child who lives at the end of the hall, eats our food and addresses us in monosyllables, then, yes, that was our other son." Jack said, grinning. Behind her, Kate could hear Noah jumping on the bed, making monkey sounds at the top of his lungs.

"I thought we agreed that we were blocking the Discovery Channel." Kate said as Noah's choice of monkey went from gorilla to Howler monkey. Jack just grinned again and took his usual good morning kiss. This turned Noah's Howler monkey calls into cries of anguish at the sight of his parents kissing. The voice from the doorway commented again and Kate looked up to see her oldest son, Hunter leaning in the doorway, a towel thrown over his shoulder.

"Luke says he wants pancakes." Kate eyed her oldest skeptically as Jack rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Luke is four months old." Kate replied. Hunter shrugged.

"Yeah, well… he wants pancakes." Hunter said, not admitting anything. Kate rolled her eyes.

"And would those be blueberry or banana pancakes?" Kate asked, trying to ignoring Jack's bristles poking through the thin fabric of her shirt.

"Chocolate chip." Came the droll reply. Kate sighed.

"Hey, Noah, you want chocolate chip pancakes?" Cries of assent assailed her ears.

"I want pancakes." Jack mumbled into the back of her neck. Kate tried not to laugh as his stubble tickled her skin.

"Daddy an' Mommy sittin' inna tree." Kate tried to turn her deadly 'Mom' eye on Noah. He screeched and jumped off the bed, racing past Hunter who followed him, snapping at his little brother with his towel like he was a lion tamer.

"Handful, aren't they?" Jack asked against the back of her neck.

"HEY, LAY-DEEE!" Kate suddenly sat up, flailing with her hands in an attempt to fend off her attacker. Someone grabbed her hands and pinned them to the mattress. Something pinched her arm and Kate squirmed again.

"Ow." She muttered, realizing someone had stuck a needle in her arm.

"Jerk." Kate muttered, trying to pull away from the lab-coat wearing, latex glove snapping man who was attaching the needle in her arm to a vial.

"Who's Jack?" Kate glared at the man who'd been the one to shove her into the room into the first place. He was watching the proceedings with a smile. And she rolled her eyes.

"Jack's the guy who's going to come riding in on a tank and shoot you while I look on laughing." Kate retorted, jerking her arm away from the tech. The needle pulled out of her arm and Kate let out a shriek.

"And that's what you get for being a smart ass." The man said, stepping over to the bed. He grabbed her around the waist and seating himself behind her, pulled her into his lap. Kate stiffened, not entirely comfortable with her new position. In her opinion, the only lap she should have been sitting on was Jack's. The minute that thought formed in her mind, Kate started kicking the crap out of her subconscious.

"So, do you have a name?" Kate asked, trying to turn so she could see the man.

"Why?" The man asked, taking her left arm and holding it out to the tech. He also gave her a warning poke in the back that was undoubtedly missed by the security camera that watched them from the corner of the room.

"Oh, so I can stop calling you 'that bastard' and starting using your god given name." Kate said, wincing as the tech pushed the needle back into her arm. The man laughed.

"It's Oliver." Kate cocked her head a little bit and looked up at him.

"As in Twist?" She asked, wondering where he'd picked up that one. 'Oliver' snorted.

"As in Oliver." He said. Kate nodded.

"So…" Kate left the sentence hanging as the tech stuck another blood vial onto the drain in her arm.

"What?" The man asked and Kate felt the nudge of a knife handle in the middle of her back.

"Are you kidding me? You're not even wearing a gun?" Kate asked incredulously.

"No." Oliver twisted again and the knife handle bumped her again.

"I don't rate a gun?" Kate asked, incensed. She didn't know why she was incensed, but she was definitely incensed.

"Well, you're pregnant, you're pretty banged up and in all likelihood, you probably have a concussion from when Kevin thumped you. So, no, you're not exactly on my Top Ten Most Feared List at the moment." In response to the man's reply, Kate sunk the elbow her free arm into his stomach. Oliver grunted and tossed her onto the bed. The needle pulled out, scraping against her arm and Kate yelped.

"Serves you right." Oliver said, rubbing his abdomen with a wounded expression.

"Serves me right? You're the one who said I wasn't a threat. Serves you right." Kate said. The technician taped a small cotton ball over the crook in her arm and stood, gathering his tools.

"You know, they never said, you'd be such a pain in the ass." Oliver said, eyeing her. Kate curled her lip in a scowl at him.

"Ha-ha. Very funny." Kate snarled. Oliver smiled and ushered the tech out of the room. For lack of any other way to get her point across, Kate hurled her pillow at the door and sank back onto the bed. Her arm hurt, actually, her whole body ached, she was being held captive and for some reason, she was a little scared. Maybe she'd just go back to sleep.


	22. The Plan Which Was Not Good

_**Buffy: Oh, look, a bad guy.**_

_**-Buffy the Vampire Slayer**_

_**(&)**_

Harry Maybourne hadn't been part of Jack's phenomenal plan to rescue Kate. Come to think of it, Harry Maybourne was never actually part of any plan that Jack had. He just showed up randomly and threw the proverbial monkey wrench in the gears. Today was no different.

Jack sat at the table in the briefing room, slouched as low in his chair as he could and still be able to see over the tabletop. At the moment, he was exercising a new form of control. It was called 'Don't Leap across the Table and Throttle Maybourne.' As of five minutes ago, it wasn't working so well because all his nerves were on high alert, thrumming with annoyance and something that may have been homicidal rage directed at the smugly smiling man across from him.

"I can guarantee that the NID does not have Major Troy. We would never authorize a kidnapping of a United States Air Force officer." Jack muttered something under his breath to the degree of Maybourne being the product of a monkey and a donkey and slouched lower in his chair. Maybourne turned to him, that irritating smile still in place.

"Do you have something to add, Colonel O'Neill?" He asked. Jack grunted a reply that even he was unsure about. He could tell that everyone at the table was all but holding their breath to see what he'd say or do next.

"I believe that O'Neill wishes the briefing to continue." Teal'c spoke up, saving Jack the trouble of having to think of something nice to say. Jack nodded and Maybourne went back to proclaiming his innocence.

"Did you just curse in Goa'uld, O'Neill?" Teal'c muttered softly. Jack twisted his neck and looked up at him. The Jaffa gave no indication that he'd spoken at all.

"Did I?" Jack asked. The other man's head inclined half an inch.

"Guess I've been hanging out with Daniel too long." Jack reached for his coffee mug and lifting it to his mouth.

"I do not believe your claim." Teal'c suddenly spoke up. Jack choked on his coffee and Maybourne stopped talking.

"Excuse me?" Maybourne asked, smile slipping just the littlest bit.

"You were not aware that a rogue faction within the NID was using the other Stargate to appropriate alien technology. How then can you be sure that this is not the work of another rogue faction?" Everyone was silent after Teal'c outburst.

"Yeah, what he said." Jack chimed in, swallowing another mouthful of bitter coffee and trying not to laugh.

"I'm sure." Maybourne's fake smile had gone as cold as Alaska during a blizzard. Jack wondered when his brain had started making metaphors like that one in his head.

"Before this turns into a full-blown argument, I think we should determine a few things." General Hammond interrupted, cutting off another of Jack's smart-ass comments.

"Like?" Jack asked, pushing his mug back onto the table and trying to think of an insult for Maybourne's hat.

"Major Troy is obviously missing. A security team is checking your house as we speak." The General said. Jack shrugged, at least that much was obvious.

"However, there's a larger problem here. Civilians have been taken along with military personnel. From what I've learned about Major Troy's family, they won't be willing to let this rest." As if in agreement, the phone in the General's office started to ring. Jack watched Hammond go to answer it.

"Okay, that's not a good look." Jack muttered to Teal'c as through the office window General Hammond's face twisted into a scowl.

"Indeed." Teal'c intoned. Jack craned his neck to look up at his friend.

"You know you're pretty laid back about all this." Jack said. One eyebrow arched, but that was all the response that he got from the Jaffa.

"COLONEL O'NEILL!" Jack winced as General Hammond's voice exploded from his office, loud enough to rattle the coffee pot and the rest of the mugs.

"Dammnit." He muttered and pushed back from the table.

"Yessir?" Jack tried to straighten his BDU jacket as he stopped just inside the General's office. Better not to give the man an excuse by dropping into one of the chairs in front of his desk with his usual casualness.

"Security has just informed me that one unmarked police car, three SUV's, a Harley, a fully-restored 1957 Chevy pickup and a minivan with Winnie the Pooh stickers and a 'Proud to be a PTA mother' bumper sticker are all idling at the front gates." Hammond said, his tone dangerous in that dangerous sort of way after you've just poked a tiger with a really big stick. Jack groaned, feeling what could have only been complete and total helplessness and his head sank into his hands.

"That would be Kate's family, sir." He muttered into his fingers.

"Jack, I don't think I need to remind you that this base is the best kept secret of the United States military. We cannot have civilians running around here." Hammond said, his tone softening slightly. Jack nodded.

"I know, sir. I'll… go take care of them." Jack said, having a feeling that he'd be the one who'd be taken care. Apparently appeased, the General nodded.

"That's what I want to hear. We'll take a break while you deal with our guests." Jack dropped his head back into his hands as he considered ways to talk down seven, most definitely armed big brothers.

Ten minutes later, headed towards the surface, Jack still had no idea what he was going to say that wouldn't result in death or dismemberment. Teal'c was silent beside him. Luckily, Jack had a back-up plan. A short, loud-mouthed plan.

"Doc, are you sure you can talk to these guys?" He asked, affirming that his back-up plan could indeed back him up. Dr. Price glared at him.

"I have three older brothers." She said by way of explanation. Jack shrugged, using the elevator wall for support. He didn't actually feel like fighting or arguing. He just wanted Kate back. And for some reason with all that longing came the urge to wrap his arms around his errant 'girlfriend' and never let her go. He shook his head to clear it of the traitorous thoughts. Kate was a fellow officer, and all he was feeling was concern for a fellow officer.

"Something wrong, Colonel?" Price asked. Jack shook his head. Unfortunately for him, Price was female. She gave him a knowing smile, but luckily left it at that.

"We are nearing the surface." Teal'c said as the elevator rose above the fourth level.

"Oh, happy day." Jack muttered. He was about as ready as a prisoner could be ready for the electric chair.

The elevator doors slid open.


	23. He hit me and I hit the ground

_**Foreman: You assaulted that man.**_

_**House: Fine. I'll never do it again.**_

_**Foreman: Yes, you will.**_

_**House: All the more reason this debate is pointless.**_

_**-House**_

_**(&)**_

In retrospect, it probably would have been a better idea to let Price go first because Jack highly doubted that any of the brothers would have sucker-punched her.

Jack blinked up at the ring of angry faces above him and tried to remember which one had hit him. As it was, he was just now coming to terms with the fact that he'd actually been hit. He had a sneaking suspicion that the massive fist swinging at his fist had been Finn. Then again, it could have been Dylan. Their fists seemed to be about the same size.

From somewhere to his left here was frantic motion. He caught a glimpse of a small hand flashing across his vision and for a second had the absurd thought that Kate had come swooping in to his rescue. The illusion was ruined when both of Dr. Price's faces appeared above him.

"How many fingers, Colonel?" She asked, holding up a hand. Jack blinked again.

"Twelve?" He asked. Price's two smiles were both amused.

"Okay, let's see if you can sit up." Jack's head swam and his equilibrium tried to center itself as Price helped him into a sitting position, surprising him with her strength. Price's penlight clicked on and Jack tried to blink away from it. Like he needed to see more spots just then.

"Well, you don't have a concussion." Price said, removing the penlight. Someone mumbled something behind her and Price turned with a glare that could have only come from being a mother. Even Jack gave way for that look.

"Let's get you up." Price gave a nod and suddenly Jack found himself on his feet, with Teal'c's arm around his shoulders. He was pretty sure that he could stand on his own, but he wasn't willing to test that theory until his knees stopped feeling like they were made of Jell-O.

"Where's Kate?" Just like that. No preamble, no 'sorry for sucker-punching you', just 'where's Kate?' The Troy brothers must have been great fun at parties. Especially if someone wanted to dance with their baby sister.

"I'm not entirely sure. I can tell you where she's not, though." Jack attributed his smart-ass comment to the probable swelling in his brain. Injury always scrambled the reasoning center of his brain.

"Keep it up, wise guy." That unmistakable bulk that stepped forward and blotted out the sun could only have been Finn. And then Price was stepping between them and Jack started to wonder if he could pay her for round the clock protection.

"Why don't both of you stop it?" Jack felt rather than saw the amusement coming off Teal'c. He had the insane urge to laugh at the sight of the diminutive doctor standing up to Finn who loomed at least seven inches above her.

"Look, lady, no offense, but my sister's missing and this guy's got something to do with it." Jack was pretty sure the only time he'd ever seen Price react violently to something had been when one of the Marines had unleashed a torrent of curses on a nurse for jabbing him with a needle. The rest of the time, she seemed pretty laid back. That whole illusion was shattered when Price hauled back and punched Finn in the chest.

It didn't look like it hurt the man so much as it surprised the crap out of him. A rumble of laughter swept through the rest of the Troy's as Finn rubbed his upper stomach and Price rubbed her fist, the scowl on her face one of someone who was not to be messed with under any circumstances.

"Is there a problem out here?" Jack sighed at the voice coming from behind them. He'd been hoping that General Hammond wouldn't be forced to come to the surface, but it looked like someone had called him while Jack had been on the ground.

"No, sir. Just explaining to these fine gentlemen that we're handling the situation." Jack grunted. It hurt to move his mouth. He wondered if the sensation that his tooth was loose was real or if he was just imagining it.

"Well, there's been a change in plans, Jack." Jack peered blearily at his CO.

"Sir?" He asked. General Hammond didn't look happy. Jack had a striking feeling that he wasn't going to like what the man said next.

"All these _fine gentlemen_ have been given security clearance to enter NORAD." Hammond said the words like they hurt him. Jack turned back to the group, searching it until he found who he was looking for. Brogan smiling broadly.

"It seems that one of these men has a rather high security clearance." Price, who had been listening to the conversation, suddenly whirled on the group finding Brogan just as Jack had. The man stopped smiling and took a step back. Good. It proved that Jack wasn't the only one scared of the little doctor.

"You did this?" She demanded. Jack managed to extract himself from Teal'c grasp and stepped forward, just in time to stop Price from swinging again.

"Don't think Kate wants all her brothers in the hospital, Doc." Jack said, swinging Price around by the shoulder. She scowled at him, but made no attempt to perform any physical acts of violence.

"Feisty." Brogan muttered from behind them and Jack gave him a warning look over his shoulder. He wasn't sure what was going to make Price throw another punch. Luckily, this time she just snarled and stomped away. Jack was suddenly uncomfortable with the look that Brogan was giving Price. He wasn't sure why, but he was.

"Gentlemen," Hammond was suddenly the center of attention. "If you'll all please follow me." Six of the brothers, starting with Finn brushed past Jack, all trying to knock him over with their shoulders. Only Brogan's passing, which included a clap on the shoulder, was decent.

"Oh, this is gonna end with me in the Infirmary. I can just tell." Jack muttered and followed them into the mountain.


	24. Whooooo!

_**Daniel**__**: You're a fruitcake!**_

_**-Stargate SG1**_

_**(&)**_

"Hey, LAAAYYYY-DEEEEEE!" Kate jerked awake, rolling over in a reflexive action to get away from the voice in her ear that was doing its best Jerry Lewis impression at maximum volume. Strong hands caught her before she rolled off the edge of the bed and flopped her over onto her back.

"How is that no one's killed you yet? It can't be because of your sparkling personality." Kate asked, blinking up at Oliver. He shrugged and grinned like he enjoyed annoying her, which he did. He had for a while now.

"I come bearing food." Oliver said, gesturing behind him with grand flourish that was out of place considering the current situation. Kate tilted her head to peer around him and caught sight of the tray. It was a Casesar salad and the very notion of eating made her stomach react.

"Yeah, well, I come bearing vomit." Kate gagged as her stomach churned. Oliver grabbed her arm and hauled her upright, all but dragging her into the bathroom. Just in time too.

Kate was vaguely aware of someone holding her hair away from her face as she heaved. Finally, once everything in her stomach including her stomach was gone, Kate leaned back. For once, she was glad that Oliver was there, otherwise she probably would have unceremoniously flopped over and cracked her head open on the sink.

"Geez, I'm glad men can't get pregnant." Oliver said, sliding an arm under her knees and another under her back, lifting her like she was nothing, which wasn't true. Kate protested as he carried her back to the bed. Of course in order to balance out that act of chivalry, he dumped her on the bed like a sack of flour. It was all coming back to her.

"Your Prince Charming skills leave something to be desired." Kate muttered, rolling onto her side and showing him her back. Oliver's weight settled onto the mattress behind her and then he poked her in the spine. Kate endured two more pokes before she rolled onto her back and glared at him.

"Do you not have anything better to do than damage my kidneys?" Kate asked. Oliver shrugged, scooting down until he was at the other end of the bed and leaned against the wall, stretching his long legs out in front of him.

"I'm not supposed to let you sleep." Against her better judgment, Kate propped herself up against the small headboard at her end of the bed and folded her arms across her stomach, feeling the slight bump beneath her t-shirt.

"So, what? You're studying the effects of sleep deprivation on pregnant women?" She asked, narrowing her eyes. Oliver looked non-plussed at her anger, then again, he'd always looked non-plussed at her anger.

"Apparently, you're not supposed to sleep when you have a concussion. I had my ass reamed for letting them sedate you." That brought a smile to Kate's lips and Oliver scowled at her. They sat in silence for a bit until Kate's eyelids started to droop. Oliver kicked her in the bottom of the foot.

"I'm not sleeping. I'm resting my eyes." Oliver kicked her again and Kate's eyes sprang open, ready to rip him a new one.

"WHAT!? Geeesh, it's bad enough that you've kidnapped me. Now you won't even let me freakin' sleep? If I wasn't pregnant, so help me God above, I'd be kicking your ass." Kate growled. Oliver grinned and Kate knew that in all likelihood that if she wasn't pregnant, he'd be the one kicking her ass.

"Mr. Grant, you're raising her blood pressure." As the new voice interrupted them, Oliver shot off the bed so fast it was like he'd been electrocuted. Kate turned with considerably less speed. Neither of them had noticed the door open. Standing in the doorway was a boring looking older man who was backed by Kevin. Kate grimaced. She and Kevin hadn't really gotten off to a great start.

"I believe that Kevin and I are capable of handling it from here." The man said. Oliver turned all different kinds of red and he mumbled something as he escaped out the door. Kate sat up and threw her legs over the edge of the bed.

"Now, Miss Troy…" Kate stopped the doctor with a deadly glare.

"It's _Major_ Troy. Call me anything else and you're gonna have to see if the steroids have been paying off for your friend." Kate growled. The doctor scowled and made a note on his clipboard. Behind him, Kevin was trying, unsuccessfully, to not smile.

"Very well, then. Major Troy, will you explain your symptoms to me?" The doctor's question took a moment to sink in as Kate stared at him disbelief.

"Symptoms? I'm pregnant, you idiot. I'm not dying." By now Kevin was full-on grinning behind the doctor's back. Kate wondered if this meant that he'd forgiven her for kicking him and for that one sucker punch she'd thrown when he'd been trying to drag her out of the SUV.

"Your symptoms, Major?" The doctor persisted. Kate sniffled her nose and the doctor made a note. Kate tried not to laugh because after all, this situation was anything but funny. Still…

"Well," Kate crossed her knees. "This morning I noticed that the hearing in my left ear was kind of spotty." The doctor scribbled it down as if she was telling him the meaning of life.

Behind him, Kevin had started chewing on his bottom lip. Kate was guessing this was an attempt not to laugh. Maybe- even though he did hit pregnant women –he wasn't all that bad. Kate watched him tap the side of his nose.

"Oh, and uh, when I sneeze, it's a funky color." Kate said, running freely with the clues. The doctor made a 'hmmmming' noise and scribbled a note. Kevin, having apparently at some time during the last thirty seconds turned into her partner in crime was making motions behind the doctor. Somehow, a simple doctor's visit was turning into a sitcom situation. Kevin pointed at his eyes and crossed them.

"Sometimes my vision goes all blurry and I see weird colors. Like right now? You're sort of green. And when I sit up…"

Kate had no idea how she managed to keep a straight face during the hour long visit, especially with Kevin playing charades behind the doctor's back. Somehow, she made it through without cracking a smile and the doctor left looking over his notes like he'd just found the Holy Grail of medical research.

Finally, alone again, Kate looked over at the TV in the corner of the room. She'd been so tired and preoccupied she hadn't even tried to see if it worked. With a sigh, she grabbed the remote off the top and flopped onto the bed.

"Okay, well let's see here." Kate muttered to herself as she punched the power button. A talk-show blared on and Kate winced, punching the volume button so hard that she jammed her finger.

"There is no way in hell that I am watching _Maury_." Kate muttered, flipping through the channels. She paused long enough on MTV to watch a couple of guys having a shopping cart bumper car derby. With a snort, she continued flipping.

Kate was contemplating on either _The X-Files_ or _Duck Dodgers_ when there was a timid knock at the door. Kate glanced over at it in surprise. No one around here seemed to knock.

"Come in?" Kate called. The door opened slowly and carefully as if the person opening it was afraid that she was going to leap out from behind the door and bite them. When it was finally open, the doorway revealed a woman who looked more than a little harried.

"Yeah?" Kate said, holding her hands up to show that she wasn't going to kill her.

"You have visitors." The woman said, looking like she was going to fall over at any minute. Kate blinked.

"Visi-?" Before Kate could finish her sentence, Cade, Aiden, Jackson, and Sam burst through the door, all headed straight for her. Somehow she managed to keep on her feet as eight arms and a couple of legs wrapped around her and four different voices assailed her.

"One, one…" Jackson buried his face in her shoulder and almost knocked her over. Kate tipped over into Aiden who managed to catch them.

"ONE AT A TIME!" Kate bellowed. In the silence that followed, Sam burst into tears and threw herself at Cade who caught her with the ease of someone who'd spent the last however many hours doing just that.

"Dan, you're gonna need to get off my arm." Kate said. After a few more sniffles, Jackson untangled himself and then promptly wrapped himself around Cade and Sam, whose tears had quieted.

"Look, Aiden and Cade and I need to talk, so…" Kate reached for the remote and changed the channel. Jackson and Sam immediately sighted in on the bright colors of the Disney channel. Once the two were firmly entranced, Kate motioned Aiden and Cade into the corner under the security camera.

"Where'd the blood come from?" Kate asked, turning Cade's chin from side to side. He had a cut on the side of his face.

"One of the guards and I had a difference of opinion." Kate tried not to smile at her nephew's flip attitude. Aiden didn't bother. Aiden was grinning like a maniac.

"I'm not even going to ask. Listen, has anyone said anything to you?" She asked. Both teens shook their heads. Kate sighed. Now, it was getting difficult.

"Okay, if anyone says anything to you about anything, I want to know right away." Both boys looked at her a little strangely, but nodded. Jackson and Sam climbed to their feet and Kate sighed. She had a bad feeling about what was coming next.

_**(&)**_

"This is Mother Goose. Do you copy, Frog Prince? Over." Oliver stared at the closed-circuit TV intently, leaning forward until his nose touched the screen. Were they doing the Hokey-Pokey? He glanced towards the recorder that held all the security footage and grinned broadly.

"Mother Goose, this is Frog Prince. I copy. What's the situation? Over." Oliver leaned back as he adjusted the stalk on his microphone.

"Subject isn't in any immediate danger. She has a few more bumps and bruises than when she got here, but it's nothing life-threatening. She and the kids are currently being held in the same room. I'm gonna see if I can get them to keep that arrangement." There was a silence on the other end of the radio.

"Copy that, Mother Goose. Due to complications on this end, we'll be postponing our visit a little longer. Frog Prince, over and out." Oliver tucked his headset into an inner pocket of his jacket and stared at the screen. Apparently, it was 'stick-your-right-foot-in-time.'

He reached for his Coke and leaned back. At least he was going to have something interesting to watch for a while. And there was always blackmail potential.


	25. Obviously the Stork didn't leave him

_**Vala**__**: She wanted me to give her a name  
**__**Daniel**__**: And?  
**__**Vala**__**: Adria. Told her it was my mother's  
**__**Daniel**__**: Not?  
**__**Vala**__**: Step-mother. Witch of a woman.  
**__**Daniel**__**: The more I get to know you, the more I understand.  
**__**Vala**__**: What?  
**__**Daniel**__**: Nothing.**_

_**-Stargate: SG1**_

_**(&)**_

The door to Kate's room suddenly swung open, startling her. It swung open to reveal Oliver. It swung open to reveal Oliver standing in the doorway holding one wildly squirming and loudly caterwauling baby. Between the two of them, Oliver was the one who looked like he needed the most help. Kate burst out laughing at the sight of the man's finger-in-a-light-socket hair and baby food encrusted suit.

"Just take it." Kate was still laughing as Oliver pushed the infant into her arms. She bounced on the balls of her feet, rocking back and forth as the baby squirmed.

"How'd you do that?" Oliver asked, dropping onto her bed and running a hand through his hair. Kate watched it go from bad to worse.

"Nephews and nieces. And having no social life means I baby-sit a lot." Kate bounced around a little more, making the airplane noises that had always quieted Cade and Aiden. The baby's screaming dropped a couple decibels and his eyes started to droop.

"Is it getting tired?" Oliver asked, sounding wary. Kate wiggled her finger in the baby's face and grinned as he latched onto it with one of his tiny, chubby hands, displaying the usual strength of a curious baby boy.

"_It's _a boy. And I'm assuming he has a name?" Kate said. Oliver shrugged.

"Not really." He said, stabbing another hand through his hair. Kate's mouth dropped open and she gawked at the man.

"He doesn't have a name? He's gotta be three, four months tops. How can he not have a name?" Kate asked, thinking that there was something going on here that she was missing.

"What would you name him?" Oliver asked. The baby had stopped all screaming and was now merrily gumming the end of her finger.

"Uh, Harry?" Kate threw out the name as baby drool ran down her hand.

"Fine. Harry it is. So, yeah, have fun." Oliver said, rising from the bed. Kate stepped between him and the door.

"You're leaving him with me. Just like that. You're leaving an infant with me?" Oliver shrugged.

"That's why I'm doing." He tried to step around her, but Kate blocked him again.

"This might sound like a stupid question, but, uh, why?" Kate asked, feeling the drool soaking into her t-shirt.

"Think of it as a temporary assignment." Oliver said and stepped around her. The words brought back an assault of memories and she shook them away, focusing on the current situation.

"Couldn't get anyone else to watch him?" Kate asked, turning to face him.

"Something like that." Oliver said as he pulled the door open.

"One more question." Kate said. Oliver paused, not turning around.

"Where exactly did you pick up the little bundle of joy?" Kate asked. Oliver turned as she balanced Harry more firmly on her hip.

"His mother abandoned him front of a hospital." Kate looked down into the bright brown eyes that were slowly glassing over with sleep and then up at Oliver, who was lying. She knew because the corner of his left eye was twitching just the littlest bit. That had always been his tell.

"And you got him how?" Kate asked. Oliver shrugged, and she knew that he wasn't going to tell her.

"That would be… a secret. So… have fun." And with that Oliver was gone.

"You sonuva…" Kate trailed off as Harry gave a sleepy gurgle. With a sigh she looked down at the baby in her arms.

"Oh, this could be a problem."


	26. That's right, she kicks ass

_**Colonel Jack O'Neill: I'd like to apologize in advance for anything that I may say or do that could be construed as offensive as I slowly go NUTS.**_

_**-Stargate: SG1**_

_**(&)**_

"How in the hell did _they _get security clearance?" Jack yelled as soon as the door to the private office was closed behind them. General Hammond leaned against the desk, looking like he'd rather be somewhere else. Anywhere else. And Teal'c, well, Teal'c was just there.

"Brogan Troy has friends in very, very high places." Hammond said, eyeing the phone that sat next to him, obviously expecting it to ring at any moment.

"No, really?" Jack snorted. As per usual, the General ignored the comment and continued watching the phone. Jack finally gave in and asked the question that was floating in the air.

"Expecting a call?" General Hammond sighed and flipped open a file folder that lay next to him. An upside down picture of a younger Brogan stared up at Jack from one of the typically bad 'Picture Day' sessions that military bases ever so often sprung on their personnel.

"Until two years ago, Brogan Troy was working undercover with Army Intelligence in Yugoslavia. He was working his way into the upper echelons of their organized crime. He was days away from nailing two of the largest arms dealers in Europe when his cover was blown. He was shot in the head and left for dead." Jack looked out into the briefing room. Brogan was seated at the table next to Finn, grinning in Jack's direction like he knew which story was being told. Jack turned around and tried to ignore the feeling of being glared at by the other six brothers.

"And yet clearly survived. Either that or we should be very worried about the man sitting out in briefing room right now." Jack said. General Hammond scanned the report, not smiling at the attempt at humor.

"According to the report, Major Troy was part of the team who went in after him." Jack froze, head in mid-turn towards the window that looked into the briefing room.

"Most of that's Spec-Ops work. How would Kate have gotten on the extraction team?" Jack asked. General Hammond looked up at him with a curious expression. Jack's world violently constricted. Maybe in public he should stick to calling her Troy.

"Jack, exactly how much do you know about Major Troy?" The General's voice was uncharacteristically gentle. Jack sighed, sinking into one of the chairs across from his CO.

"Been stationed here two years. Worked at Area 51 before that and before that…." Jack shrugged waving a hand toward the file. "I have no idea."

"The retrieval team that went in to rescue Brogan Troy was USMC Force Recon." Jack's eyebrows rose and there was a slightly disbelieving cough from one of the SF's stationed just inside the door. Jack didn't blame him.

"According to the file, Major Troy was Force Recon for five years before she was recommended for a posting here. The team she worked with has a reputation for being… unconventional." Jack snorted. Leave it to Kate to be on an "unconventional" team. Hell, leave it Kate to be a woman in Spec-Ops.

"According to this file, Major Troy has nearly three dozen rescue missions and foreign ops under her belt." Jack took the proffered folder and scanned the contents. He recognized maybe a third of the missions on the paper in front of him. The others looked like they were so classified that only the President should have known about them.

"Okay, so Kate was a Teams girl. What does that have to do with her brothers gaining access to the best kept military secret in the world?" Jack asked, still trying to wrap his brain around a mental image of Kate in full battle rattle and grease paint, sneaking up on some unsuspecting soldier in a third world country. Unsurprisingly, the image wasn't that hard to conjure up.

"Well for one, it means that this kidnapping might not be because of her pregnancy. It could be retaliation for a past mission or any number of things involving Force Recon." Hammond said. Jack sighed and scrubbed a hand across his face, but before he could say anything else, the phone rang.

"Yes, sir. They're here now. We have them in a briefing room on the Security Level. All right, put him through." Jack watched Hammond sit up straighter as apparently, someone else came on the line.

"Yes, sir. Yes, Mr. President, they've behaved themselves admirably." Jack rolled his eyes at that and the SF made another little sound again.

"Yes, Mr. President. Of course, sir. I'll do that, sir. Goodbye, Mr. President." Hammond hung up.

"We have orders to tell them everything." Jack's jaw dropped open.

"Everything? As in we go to alien planets on a day to day basis and fight a bunch of brain invading snakes? That sort of everything?" Jack knew he was yelling. General Hammond sighed and reached for the phone again. Jack watched as he punched the intercom button and then covered the phone with his hand.

"Not everything, Jack. Just most of everything." Hammond uncovered the receiver and spoke into it.

"Security to NORAD briefing room 2." Jack groaned and buried his face in his hands.

_**(&)**_

_**A/N: I know women aren't allowed in Spec-Ops in the United States, but this is fiction, people. You saw GI Jane, right? Well, it's sort of like that. So go grouch to someone else about the crazy authoress who writes highly improbable fan fiction. Although, I would like to say thank you for mentioning it because it means that those of you who've read my stories actually know something about the military.**_


	27. Aha! A clue!

_**Colonel Dave Dixon: Yeah, all night screaming, projectile vomiting, nuclear diapers... you have no idea. The reason they make them so damn cute is so you don't suffocate them in their sleep.**_

_**Airman: Simon Wells: Sir, you have four kids.**_

_**Colonel Dave Dixon: Yeah, why do you think I enjoy my work so much? Don't get me wrong, I love the little buggers to death, but trust me, having four kids makes going through the Stargate, facing off against alien bad guys look like nothing. This is relaxing.**_

_**Airman Simon Wells: Then why did you have four?**_

_**Colonel Dave Dixon: Well, one's pretty bad, but you figure you gotta have two so the little guy can have a brother or sister, right? Then you have two boys, and the wife says she wants a girl so you figure 'Hello, three can't be much harder than two', right? What you don't realize is that your brain's fried because you haven't slept. After three, four is no big deal. You're in so deep that nothing seems to matter anymore. It's chaos. You're just trying to make it through each day alive. In the end, you spend all the energy you have trying to get them into bed only to lie awake praying they don't get hooked on drugs, hurt, or worse... wind up dead in an alley somewhere.**_

_**Airman Simon Wells: Can't wait, sir.**_

_**Colonel Dave Dixon: Yeah, miracle of birth, my ass. I'll tell you what a miracle is, birth control that works.**_

_**(&)**_

Kate had fallen asleep on the floor, listening to Harry make little sounds in his sleep when they came to move her to another room. The guard had nudged her in the arm until she'd fully regained consciousness and then she'd lashed out, kicking him in the leg. He'd just given her a dirty look and hauled her to her feet, while the other one dropped a wide-awake Harry in her arms.

If Kate hadn't had a slobbering, gurgling baby in her arms and another one growing in her abdomen, she probably would have attempted to get away. Her current state of being sort of botched that plan, however. So, instead she was amusing herself as they walked down the hall.

Kate usually wasn't one to complain, well, okay, that was complete bull, because she loved to complain, especially if it annoyed her brothers. Still, moving to a bigger room like the guards had informed her as they shoved her out the door wasn't something she was going to complain about. Of course, on the way to the bigger room, she managed to find several other things to complain about, the most important being the Glock that nudged her spine every time she didn't move fast enough to satisfy her captors.

"Ah, military base grey. Man, you guys sure know how to make a girl feel at home." She drawled. The gun bumped against her shoulder, indicating that she should be quiet. Of course, Kate completely ignored it.

"No, I'm serious. Places with bright colors are overrated. Hell, happiness is overrated." Kate said and wondered for a brief moment if they were even listening or if she was just white noise. Her new guards didn't seem to have the wicked sense of humor that Kevin and Oliver did. In fact, since her last doctor's visit in which the doctor had berated her for giving him false symptoms, she hadn't seen either man.

"You know, you aren't very congenial." Kate muttered, following the man in front of her, directing the comment at the one behind her. Harry gurgled in what she assumed was agreement. Kate looked down at him.

"No, he's not a very happy man, is he? No, he's not." Kate cooed in baby talk, tickling Harry's bare feet. The man behind her muttered a curse and she stopped, turning on him so fast that it surprised him and her.

"Not around the kid." Kate said, trying to keep from growling. The guard glared at her. Luckily, any other words or blows that they may have come to were ruined by the arrival of Oliver.

"Feel free to ignore Ivan. He was born without a sense of humor." Oliver said, popping out of a doorway on her left. Since Kate was used to people popping out at her, it didn't faze her. The man in front of her let out a teenage girl worthy shriek though.

"You have some very high-strung people working here." Kate said, eyeing the screamer who was turning twelve different shades of red.

"Yeah, he's new." Oliver said, grinning at her. Kate shrugged, shifting Harry into a more comfortable position on her hip.

"Having a party without me?" Kevin popped out of the same doorway that Oliver had just vacated, swinging into the hall next to them.

"Oh we tried, but it just wasn't the same without you." Kate said. Harry gurgled so she assumed again that he agreed.

"Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life." Kevin said, dismissing the guards with an errant wave. The one she'd been arguing with scowled at her and left with a mumbled curse.

"You just make friends wherever you go." Kevin said, waving a finger at Harry. The baby latched on with a gurgle.

"Most gracious lady, allow us to escort you to your new quarters." Oliver said, bowing low. Kate rolled her eyes, but handed Harry over to Kevin and took his proffered arm. The two fingers that he tapped against her palm may have looked like an innocent gesture to the cameras in the corridor, but to Kate it was a message.

"You two aren't your average kidnappers, are you?" Kate asked. Oliver grinned.

"Of course, we're not. We have class and a really big expense budget." Kevin said, trying to work his finger free of Harry's possessive grip. Their banter continued as they walked through a labyrinth of hallways before they arrived at a nondescript door that looked exactly like every other door they'd passed.

"Wow, when you guys go for mediocrity, you really go all the way." Kate said as Kevin slid a key-card through the slot on the side and opened the door.

"Sadly, milady, this is where we part. We go to kidnap someone else. Hope you don't mind." Oliver bent at the waist and kissed the back of her hand, his fingers tapping the palm of her hand again. Kate and Kevin rolled their eyes in tandem.

"Would you stop hitting on her and come on already?" Kevin said, handing over Harry. With a nod, Kevin was headed down the hall.

"He gets so jealous sometimes." Oliver said and with a wink was gone. From out of nowhere, which in reality was the door to her left, an armed guard appeared and motioned her into the room. Kate scowled at him, but let him closed the door behind her with a locked click.

Apparently, the new quarters held security cameras on the walls, industrial locks, no windows or doorknobs on the inside of the doors and Aiden, Cade, Jackson and Sam. The latter two clamored for attention as she handed Harry off to Cade and allowed herself to hugged and fussed over.

Ten minutes later after they'd all settled down, Kate surveyed the room. It had been filled to overflowing with so many toys and kid friendly activities that she knew Oliver had had a hand in it. Kate idly kicked at a Sponge-Bob Square Pants as she watched the kids relax.

Jackson and Sam were stretched out on the floor in front of the big-screen TV, lost in the adventure of a weird-looking, big-headed kid named Stanley and his freakish talking fish. Kate cleared her throat as they engaged in a minor round of 'kick the crap out of your neighbor's shins' until they stopped and continued with their TV watching. Aiden had long since fallen asleep in the floor, using a purple Telletubby as his pillow and Cade was seated on the couch in the corner of the room, bouncing Harry on his knee.

Kate had kept her station by the door, leaning against the wall as she kept an eye on her little impromptu family. She was still mentally fine-tuning her plan to bean the next person who walked through the door over the head with a plastic bat, steal their keycard and high tail it out of wherever she was with all kids in tow. Of course, her plan required someone to walk through the door and no one seemed inclined to do that, so Kate kicked Spongebob again, putting her sandal square in his square pants.

On TV, the weird-looking, big-headed kid named Stanley was explaining something about a bully at his school when Jackson yelped. Kate straightened, craning her neck to see over the two life-size teddy bears that Sammy had dragged around her for pillows. She hadn't actually seen Sam kick him, pinch him, bite him, hit him or perform any other sort of physical violence towards Jackson, but in the past five minutes the two had gotten good at being sneaky, so Kate headed that way, preparing to get in the middle of any further fighting.

Jackson was curled in on himself, clutching his head as he mumbled under his breath when Kate carefully dropped to her knees beside him.

"Dan, sweetie, you okay?" She asked, putting a hand on his back and then gently ruffling his hair. He mumbled something into the carpet.

"Danny?" Kate rubbed his shoulders and looked over at Sam who in turn was staring at Jackson with curiosity. Kate assumed that meant she wasn't the reason he was curled up like a potato bug.

"Y'okay, sweetie?" Kate asked, starting to worry. His body was taut as bungee cord and she could see his chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Did you just call me '_sweetie_'?" Kate jerked her hand away from Jackson, her lower jaw separating from her top one as she stared in shock. Jackson rolled onto his back, blinking up at her.

"_Sweetie_?" And then he was out.


	28. She had me at 'Aaacchhhoo'

_**Spike: I haven't heard any complaints. Well, I have heard a few complaints over the years, but then I just killed whoever spoke up, and that was pretty much that.**_

_**Buffy: He's joking.**_

_**Spike: No, I'm not.**_

_**-Buffy the Vampire Slayer**_

_**(&)**_

Kate. Kate grinning. Kate watching TV. Kate asleep on the couch. Kate asleep on the bed next to him. Kate crying. Kate unable to control her hormone driven rage as she throttled the cashier at Burger King. No, wait, Kate smiling and laughing. Yeah, that was a better one to think about.

Jack shook his head to clear the barrage of mental pictures that were building up. That method didn't seem to work so he spun around on the swivel stool that Daniel used when he was cataloguing artifacts. That took his mind off her for a little while as he almost fell on his face. Jack decided maybe it was safer to just sit still. Maybe there was something on the desk. A piece of pottery decorated with delicate lines caught his eye and Jack picked it up, turning it over and over in his hands. He could almost hear Daniel yelling at him to stop touching things.

Jack was in hiding and he wasn't afraid to admit it. Upstairs, the briefing was still going on although it wasn't as in depth as he'd thought it would be from General Hammond's cryptic words. Brogan Troy may have known some very influential people, but apparently not all the right ones because the Troy family hadn't lucked into full disclosure. Jack had left just around the time that the Troy men had been given the cover story. Of course, the cover story that the Pentagon had thought up still had Kate working on a top secret project and risking her life each day for the American people.

Jack had found that it was easier to avoid injury when not in a room with seven unhappy men who wanted their baby sister back. His only ally was Brogan who had given him a knowing look and a sympathetic smile as Jack left the room under Finn's enraged roar.

And so that's why Jack was hiding out in Daniel's office, trying to stop thinking about Kate which was a lot harder than it sounded because everything seemed to remind him of her. The piece of pottery in his hands was shedding flakes of dried clay all over his hands and Jack set it down, reaching for the box of tissues that Daniel kept on his desk. Even those reminded him of the first time he'd met her…

"AAAAAACCCHHHHOOOOOOO!" The sneeze echoed around the infirmary, sounding a hell of a lot like an F-16 takeoff. Jack looked around and found the culprit sitting on a bed in the back, her face buried in her hands.

"Bless you!" He called. The woman raised a hand and waved it in his general direction before she went back to rubbing her nose. Jack watched for a second until her shoulders started to seize and then he started to call out a preemptive blessing.

"Bless-" Another high pressure sneeze cut off his words and shook the slim frame of the young woman. She looked up at him over her cupped hands and her eyes narrowed. Jack leaned back a little at the ferocity in the glare as Dr. Janet Fraiser walked past him, holding a large box of Kleenex.

"Here." Fraiser offered them and the young woman mumbled something as she took them and wiped her nose. Fraiser pressed a hand against the young woman's forehead and Jack almost laughed at the black look the diminutive doctor received. The look turned even blacker when Fraiser pulled a thermometer out of her coat pocket and held it in front of the woman's mouth.

"Open." Fraiser demanded. For a minute, Jack thought the soldier wasn't going to, but after a few seconds, her mouth opened and Fraiser slid the thermometer under her tongue. The young woman mumbled something around the instrument and Fraiser glared.

"Don't talk." She ordered. Jack was amused, although Fraiser and the woman seemed considerably less so. The teeny beeping noise that signaled the end of the procedure sounded and Fraiser pulled the thermometer out, narrowing her eyes at the small display.

"101.8. It's gone up." Fraiser announced. The soldier groaned and flopped onto her left side. Fraiser patted her on the knee, a motion that received a grunt.

"It's supposed to be going down. That's why you pumped me full of antibiotics, right?" As the soldier spoke, Jack stiffly and carefully swung his legs across the bed and swiveled his body around to watch the unfolding episode.

"It was a wide spectrum of antibiotics. We're still not sure what we're dealing with." Fraiser replied. The soldier let a couple of colorful curses fly.

"Major!" Fraiser sounded stuck between being incensed and amused. Jack was just amused.

"What? I hate being sick." The soldier retorted, swinging her feet up onto the pillows, leaving her laying the wrong way.

"Well, complain about it while I look at Colonel O'Neill's knee." Jack was suddenly reminded of why he'd come to the infirmary in the first place. The major glared at Fraiser's retreating back and then switched her glare to Jack.

"Okay, Colonel, where does it hurt?" To Jack that seemed like a rather broad question because a few minutes prior to his visit to the infirmary, he'd been sparring with Teal'c, not something he'd recommend after the Jaffa was fresh from Kel'noreem.

"I think I just tweaked something." Jack said, trying not too specific less Fraiser got wind of his aching back and turned his brief visit into a full body physical.

"What happened?" Fraiser asked, running experienced hands across his knee. Jack explained in vague detail how he'd ended up over-extending his knee to avoid getting knocked unconscious by Teal'c. Fraiser's mouth twisted into a slight frown, but he could see her eyes smiling, so he wasn't too worried about the complete physical.

"Okay, well, for now, I'd recommend-" The intercom phone that hung on the infirmary wall beeped, interrupting her words.

"Yes?" Fraiser called, turning towards the machine. There was silence on the other line.

"Hello?" Janet called again. Jack snuck a gaze at the soldier. Her eyes were closed and she appeared to have fallen asleep.

"Janet?" Daniel's voice came over the speaker. The soldier's eyes snapped open so fast that Jack jumped a little.

"Yes, Daniel?" Fraiser asked. Jack wasn't sure, but he could have sworn that the soldier across the infirmary growled.

"Is Major Troy there?" Daniel asked, sounding hesitant. Fraiser looked over at the major who'd just gained a last name.

"Yes, she is. Do you need to talk to her?" Fraiser asked, looking a little annoyed as she glanced back at the phone.

"Uh, no, no. Never mind." The click over the speaker indicated the end of that conversation. Fraiser rolled her eyes as she turned back to Jack.

"Like I was saying, Colonel, I'd recommend a few-" The intercom beeped again.

"Yes?" Fraiser made no attempt to hide the annoyance in her tone. Jack tried not to smile.

"Is she awake?" Daniel asked. Jack shot a look over Fraiser's shoulder. Major Troy was indeed awake and looking less than thrilled.

"Yes, Daniel. She's awake." Fraiser said and Daniel hung up again.

"Ten minutes with ice and then switch to-" The intercom beeped again.

"What, Daniel?" Fraiser said, propping her hands on her hips and glaring at the phone as if the archaeologist could actually see her. By now, Jack was struggling to keep a straight face.

"So, when you said, yes, you meant 'yes' that Major Troy's awake and lucid?" Daniel asked. Fraiser sighed. The soldier answered for her.

"Yes, Jackson. I'm awake and lucid and if you so much as put one foot in this infirmary, I'll clock you with a friggin' bedpan." Daniel disconnected again. Jack looked back and forth between the two women. When someone threatened bodily harm to his best friend, he tended to bcome concerned.

"What'd he do?" Jack asked. Major Troy shifted her gaze from the phone to him. Fraiser answered for her patient.

"He left Major Troy standing in the rain while he looked at some ruins." Major Troy aka the Grumpy Soldier scowled at Jack as if daring him to defy this statement.

"Why didn't you just go inside with him?" Jack asked, stating the obvious. Troy's scowl skipped from angry and jumped all the way to murderous. Fraiser interrupted whatever comment was about to come out of Troy's mouth.

"The place that Daniel was studying is off-limits to women. Kate's choices were stand out in the rain or get impaled by medieval weaponry." Fraiser said, sounding a little sympathetic to the soldier's cause. Looking a little put out in general, Troy rolled onto her side, turning her back to Jack. He caught a glimpse of a tattoo on her ankle as her sweatpants hiked up at the bottom.

"O'Neill. O'Neill!" Jack jerked back to reality to find Teal'c standing in the doorway to Daniel's office.

"What's up, T?" Jack asked, blinking as he realized he still held the box of tissues. The Jaffa was silent for a minute.

"The Troy family wishes to speak with you."

And Jack's life flashed before his eyes.


	29. Finally!

_**Daniel**__**: Okay, one – that's **__**Star Trek**__**, and two – it's ridiculous.**_

_**-Stargate SG1**_

_**(&)**_

Kate was trying to figure out exactly how she was going to talk to Jackson as he woke up. Under the watchful eye of the video cameras and the listening ear of the bugs planted around the room, she couldn't exactly come right out and explain to him the details of what was happening and knowing him, he'd demand an explanation. After that, he'd probably be a good help when she made a break for it, but then again the question begged: how did she talk to him under the watchful eyes of their kidnappers?

"How is he?" Kate looked up as Cade walked over with Harry balanced on his hip like he'd been holding babies all his life. She shrugged, looking down at the unconscious man on the couch.

"So, does this mean he's better?" Kate didn't miss the emphasis on 'better.' Her nephew was smarter than she gave him credit for.

"Define better." Kate asked as Cade perched on the end of the couch, shifting Harry as the baby gurgled.

"As in no longer a member of the _Sesame Street_ fan club?" Kate shrugged again, trying to be as cryptic as possible.

"Okay, fine, be all secretive like that." Cade muttered and headed back to the TV. Kate was getting ready to call him back and apologize when the door swung open and Oliver stepped in. He crooked a finger in her direction indicating that she was supposed to join him. Kate glanced down at the still unconscious Jackson, then back up and shook her head. Oliver crooked his finger again, less patiently this time and Kate sighed.

"Cade, you're in charge." Kate muttered as Oliver led her out into the hall.

"What?" She asked as they walked away from the room, side by side.

"Time for a chat." He said, sounding bored out of his skull. At some point in the last five hours, Oliver had changed his clothes going from a sharp looking suit to a snug white t-shirt and jeans. The black leather of the shoulder holsters that had been hidden by the tailored cut of his jacket stood out vividly against the white shirt.

"Again?" Kate muttered, resisting the urge to throw a tantrum. Oliver stepped up to a non-descript door in the seemingly never-ending hallway of non-descript doors and opened it, motioning her inside. Kate sighed and followed his direction, ready to be annoyed for the next half hour. The room was empty, holding only a table and two chairs.

"So, what? Let's chat. I can give you my name, rank, and serial number. Maybe if you're nice I'll tell you my dog's name." Kate asked, kicking one of the chairs away from the table.

"It's okay, Katie. No cameras. No mikes." Oliver said, kicking the door closed behind them. Sighing in relief, Kate turned and drilled her former teammate from the 1st Force Recon Company, DRP Co. 3rd Recon Battalion in the chest like she'd been wanting to do ever since he'd kidnapped her.

"What the hell, Joe?" She snapped, pulling her fist back and rubbing her hand where her knuckles had impacted with his collar bone. Oliver a.k.a. Lieutenant Joe Rodriguez ducked away, putting the table between the two of them to protect himself.

"Guy's gotta make a living." He muttered, leaning on one of the chair backs as he watched her with a grin.

"By kidnapping people!?" Kate threw her hands in the air in frustration.

"Just this once. Anyway, do you know how hard it was to get you outta that room without it seeming like I was helping you escape?" Joe asked, changing the subject in a complete 180. It was okay, after working with the guy, Kate had come to expect the sudden changes.

"Oh, shut up. Where are we anyway?" Kate asked, dropping into the chair closest to her and stabbing a hand through her hair.

"Abandoned apartment building outside Colorado Springs." Joe said, taking the seat across from her.

"Who're you working for?" Kate asked, propping her feet up on the table.

"At the moment, it's a rogue cell from the CIA. They think your pregnancy isn't normal. Don't ask me why, 'cuz I'm just the hired muscle. Have I apologized for letting Kevin hit you, yet?" Joe said, slouching low and stretching his long legs out in front of him. Kate nodded, digesting the information.

"Several times. How're we getting out of here?" Kate asked, tapping her fingers on her knee, waiting for her explanation.

"Oh, the boys are stopping by to give us a ride home." Joe said, grinning broadly. Kate rolled her eyes, knowing that she was in safe hands.

"And speaking of them, how are the boys?" She asked, shaking her hair out of its ponytail. It needed to be washed… badly, but she didn't feel comfortable enough to take a shower in any of the bathrooms in the building.

"Tac, Sniper and Dynamite are in Uzbekistan, I'm working UC here, Drag's in the hospital with a punctured lung and Cove is…" Joe trailed off, shifting in his chair. Kate recognized the signs. It meant there wasn't good news about Cove.

"Dead or transferred?" She asked, prepared to feel the appropriate emotion for either answer. Cove had always been her favorite even though he had been her CO and the two had usually been fighting about something.

"Dishonorable discharge, actually." Joe said, tugging at the edge of his holster. Kate raised an eyebrow. It sounded like something Cove would do. Especially if he lost his temper.

"Since when?"

"Four months after you left. He called two weeks ago. He's working for a PMC out of Virginia called Triple Canopy, Inc." Joe tugged at his holster again.

"What was the reason for the discharge?" She asked, glancing at the door. She wasn't sure how Joe had managed to get her away from the prying eyes of her captors, but she didn't want them to walk in on their conversation.

"Sucker punched a brigadier general. His lawyer barely managed to get him dishonorably discharged. The general wanted him court-martialed." Kate sighed. Leave it to Cove.

"So, he won't be riding in on a white horse to rescue me?" Kate asked, but received no answer as Joe glanced at his watch and then pushed to his feet. She had the feeling that he was avoiding answering her question.

"Hopefully the ride'll be here in the next couple of hours. So be ready? Oh, and Katie?" She turned back to her former teammate. "Congratulations on the pregnancy thing." He said with a grin.


	30. I'm gonna dieeeeeee!

"_**We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."**_

_**-Elayne Boosler**_

_**(&)**_

Jack didn't want to admit that he was dragging his feet, but when it took him ten minutes to walk from Daniel's office to the elevator because he had to stop and retie his boots every three seconds, even he had to admit that he wasn't eager to go back upstairs. Especially after Teal'c dropped the bombshell.

"Some of Major Troy's former teammates have joined the family." Jack paused with his security card halfway down the slot, considering the merits of running away and hiding out in a supply closet. With a heavy sigh, he finished sliding his card through and the doors slid open.

"Do they want to kill me too?" He asked, stepping into the elevator with Teal'c following right behind.

"On the contrary, O'Neill, they seem quite interested in meeting you. One of them believes you will be able to keep Major Troy in hand." Jack quirked up an eyebrow as he pushed the button for the NORAD level.

"How do you solve a problem like Maria?" Jack muttered to himself as the elevator rose. Teal'c gave him a questioning look, but Jack just shook his head, wondering when he'd started quoting _The Sound of Music_.

By the time they stepped into the NORAD briefing room, Jack was feeling slightly more reassured. He had Teal'c and no one was stupid enough to go up against Teal'c… and then he got a look at Kate's former teammates.

There were four of them. The three who leaned against the wall just inside the door looked like normal guys if normal meant that you looked like escapees from Lompoc. The fourth was dressed in civvies, sitting on the briefing room table, talking with Brogan. Jack was instantly on edge as he approached the table. The other three were dangerous that much wasn't hard to tell, but this guy… this guy was 100 percent trouble.

"That him?" The new man asked, directing the question to Brogan as if Jack wasn't even worth talking too. He bristled at the man's tone, but remained quiet.

"Jack, meet Cove Bracken, Kate's CO." As Brogan introduced them, Jack glanced over at the other three new arrivals who were sizing up Teal'c. They wore dirty, torn BDU's, their faces scratched and sunburned, looking like they'd just been pulled back from a mission. The man next to Brogan wore jeans and a vintage Lynard Skynard concert t-shirt under a black blazer and looked fresh from an air-conditioned car. Apparently noting Jack's comparison, Bracken's gaze narrowed and he scowled.

"Dishonorable discharge... in case you were wondering." The sarcasm in Bracken's voice gave Jack the idea that it was a touchy subject and that he shouldn't pursue it. Unfortunately, it wasn't in Jack's personality to let things just slide.

"Actually, I wasn't." Jack replied and watched the man's scowl deepen. Behind Bracken, Brogan grinned.

"Funny, I didn't know Kate dated cradle-robbers." The comment was supposed to be insulting, but Jack was too tired to let it effect him. Instead, he just shrugged.

"She said something about preferring it to Marines." Bracken's face exploded with color and Brogan's eyes bulged in shock at Jack's comment. Luckily before he could say anything else, he was interrupted.

"Jack?" General Hammond stood in the doorway to the office off the briefing room. Giving Bracken what he hoped was an unimpressed look, Jack stepped into the office and closed the door behind him.

"Did they multiply while I was gone?" He asked, sinking into the nearest chair and folding his arms across his chest.

"Special request from the Pentagon, Jack. Apparently, one of Major Troy's teammates is working with the people who took her. He's been undercover for a few months. He only just managed to get the message out about their location a few hours ago." Jack let the news sink in. Kate was okay. She was being watched out for by a former teammate. He tried to disguise his sigh of relief because if that man was as rabid about her as her former CO seemed to be, Kate would be fun.

"What about him?" Jack said, nodding towards Bracken who was talking to Brogan, his face still red with suppressed anger.

"Mr. Bracken is also here by special request." General Hammond said.

"What about his dishonorable discharge?" Jack asked, feeling like a petulant child trying to get another child in trouble.

"Assaulted a two-star general." Hammond recited from the file open on the desk in front of him. Jack arched an eyebrow. As he turned to look at Bracken, his opinion of the man changed.

_**(&)**_

"I don't like him." Brogan looked up at Cove Bracken's mutter. He glanced in the direction that Cove was staring. Jack was talking with General Hammond, obviously trying to make a point by waving his hands around.

"Why?" Brogan asked, leaning back in his chair. Cove tore his intense brown eyes away from Jack's back and glared at him.

"Because." Brogan arched an eyebrow at the petulant remark. Cove tapped his fingers on his thigh, probably trying to come up with an idea to test Jack's worthiness. Brogan rolled his eyes and in doing so caught the attention of Sniper. The redhead raised his eyebrows as if asking a question and Brogan tilted his head toward Cove who'd gone back to glaring at Jack. Sniper muttered something to Tac and Dynamite who were deeply entrenched in conversation with Finn, Kieran and Casey and headed their way.

"He actin' like a jealous boyfriend again?" Sniper drawled as he stepped up to the two men. Cove glared in response and Brogan nodded.

"You do realize she's havin' that guy's kid, right?" Sniper tried again and Cove growled. Sniper shrugged and took a seat on the table next to Cove. They were all used to dealing with Cove's moods.

"Haven't seen you since Katie dumped us to play with the flyboys." Sniper said, brushing at one of the several layers of dirt on his jacket. Brogan gave up the pretense of being at the ready and sank into his chair.

"Workin' with the company. Uncle Tobe has me doing personal security in New York." He explained, propping his feet up on the chair next to him. Sniper nodded, grimacing as the hand that had been wandering through his dusty hair came in contact with something he looked like he'd rather not touch.

"Do I have dried blood in my hair?" The man asked, leaning forward. Brogan dropped his feet to the floor and inspected the bowed head in front of him. It was difficult differentiating between blood and the man's dark red hair, but towards the back of Sniper's skull, Brogan found a gash crusted with dried blood and dirt.

"You should get that looked at." Brogan said. "There's a firecracker of a doctor around here that'll do it." Sniper leaned back, running his fingers over the spot, peering at him. Brogan suddenly had the sensation of being under a microscope.

"Firecracker? When're you gonna update your vocabulary, Troy?" The redhead paused for a minute and then grinned. "Is she hot?" Brogan rolled his eyes, but Sniper must have seen something in his expression and he crowed with laughter. Even Cove cracked a slight grin, but didn't take his eyes off Jack in the office.

"Leave it to you to find a date in the middle of a kidnapping!" Brogan felt his face blushing as he suddenly became the focus of the entire room. Now, he knew what Kate felt like at family get togethers and it wasn't pleasant. He caught the grin on Finn's face and sighed. Nope, definitely not pleasant.


	31. Canoodling

"_**I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Cause if a woman falls over wearing heels, that's embarrassing. But if a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself. It's the end of your life."**_

_**- Eddie Izzard in 'Dressed to Kill'**_

_**(&)**_

In the end, Jackson was the one who dragged Kate into the bathroom and turned on all the water faucets, ignoring Sam who was screeching at the top of her lungs outside the bathroom door that she wanted 'her Danny.'

'Her Danny' demanded a full explanation that started from the beginning, included a brief explanation as to why he was wearing a Spider-man t-shirt, and ended with why Sam kept asking him to do the Hokey- Pokey and so Kate sat on the edge of the tub and began her story.

Jackson didn't appreciated the 'once upon a time in Fairyland' approach that she started off using and told her that. So instead, Kate compressed it down to six basic points, which were:

Jackson had been turned into a seven year old.

Jack had been playing the part of Jackson's uncle.

Daniel had thrown mashed potatoes at her. And a spoon. And a fork. And green beans. And meatloaf.

Sam had also been turned into a seven year old.

Kate was pregnant by Jack by way of the device that had turned Jackson into a kid.

They were due to be rescued within two to three hours, depending on the traffic.

After Kate finished, Jackson sat in silence, staring blankly at his feet. Knowing the absorption of her tale would take awhile, Kate kicked off her sandals, turned around and put her feet in the tub. She was hoping that her feet and back were aching because of her footwear choice and not because of the pregnancy because dealing with that for the next eight months wouldn't be fun.

"Seven wasn't a good age for me." Jackson finally muttered, breaking the silence. Kate glanced over her shoulder.

"_No. Really?_" She said sarcastically and swung her legs over the edge of the tub, letting them land on the bathmat with a wet thud. She gestured towards the towel rack and Jackson handed her the brown piece of sandpaper like material that hung there.

"You've been a total monster the last couple of weeks." Kate griped as she toweled her feet dry. "When you weren't throwing food, you were doing a myriad of other annoying kid stuff." She straightened, pressing one hand against her back as it protested to her movement. Jackson was still staring at his hands, but his expression had gone from calculating to morose.

"Jackson." Kate said, tossing the towel onto the floor as she slid her feet back into her sandals. He blinked and looked up from his hands.

"Where'd you go?" She asked, resting her elbows on her knees and leaning towards him. Jackson scrutinized her for a few minutes before he let out a sigh and his shoulders slumped a little bit.

"My parents died when I was seven and I acted out a lot." He finally said, going back to staring at his hands. Kate winced, mentally kicking herself. This was why she tended to bomb those touchy-feely, crisis intervention seminars.

"Sorry." She muttered, not sure what else to say that wouldn't make the situation worse. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Kate had to ask the question that was bouncing around in her head.

"You don't want me to hug you, do you?" She asked, hoping the distaste wasn't evident on her face. Jackson looked up, a smile blossoming across his face.

"I think I'm good." He said, and then erupted into laughter. Kate glared. Her offer of comfort had been a genuine one even though she'd had absolutely no intention of carrying it through.

"Oh, the look on your face!" Jackson gasped after the laughter had stopped enough for him to talk. Kate rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, well, it was a one time deal, Jackson." Kate muttered and stood. Unfortunately, she'd been paying so much attention to being annoyed with Jackson, that she hadn't been paying attention to her own body. The nausea hit in a wave, and she felt her knees buckle from the ensuing dizziness.

That was how Kate found herself on the floor of an anonymous bathroom in the arms of a stricken-looking Daniel Jackson. For the third time since her knees stopped cooperating with her brain, she batted his hand away from her forehead and took a deep breath, trying to calm her raging stomach.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, staring down at her skeptically. Kate rolled her eyes and shifted so his fingers weren't pressing against the notches of her back.

"Just the morning sickness." She muttered, then gave a short bitter laugh. "Which is ironic because it's not even morning." Jackson's free hand settled over hers and gave a slight squeeze. Kate was surprised at the show of affection.

"You're not gonna get all mushy on me, are you?" She asked, putting a hand on his chest and holding it there just in case he started to do something _sweet or nice._

"No, just making sure you don't crack your head open on the sink. Don't think Jack would like that one." Jackson said with a grin. Kate tried to be annoyed, found that she couldn't and stopped trying. However before she could ask her pillow to get her up off the floor because the tile was really cold, the bathroom door burst open and Cade came in, Harry in his arms. He skidded to a stop inches from Kate's head. His teenage eyes took in the entire scene in 3.2 seconds and he grinned broadly.

"I'm gonna tell Jack that you were canoodling with another guy on the bathroom floor." Her nephew said, giving Harry a slight bounce on his hip. Kate could feel Jackson's body tense under her.

"We're not canoodling. This is first aid." Kate said, glaring up at her nephew. Cade rolled his eyes with a look that said that he didn't buy it.

"Hands where I can see 'em buddy." Her nephew said, turning his attention on Jackson and ignoring her completely. Kate felt Jackson's hand retract from under her back as he raised both hands for the teenager to see.

"Cade." He glanced down at her.

"Do you mind? We're having a conversation." She said, sitting up a little straighter on Daniel's lap. Her nephew shot a glance over his shoulder into the main room.

"Oh, then should I tell the guy with the M16 and the grease paint to wait?"


	32. And not quite

_**Rose**__**: Couldn't we just launch a nuclear bomb at them?  
**__**Harriet Jones**__**: You're a very violent young woman.**_

_**- Doctor Who**_

_**(&)**_

Cove always applied his greasepaint like he was getting ready for a night on the town. That's how Kate knew that the man looming in the bathroom doorway wasn't him. She struggled to her feet, using Jackson as leverage until she found herself face to face with Sniper. The wisps of red hair poking out from under the stocking cap that he wore were confirmation of his identity. Around his throat was a Vibra-mike with matching ear-piece and in his hands was the M16 that Cade had correctly identified. All dressed up and ready to fight terrorists or whatever it was that he was doing.

"Your prince in shinin' armor is here, ma'am." He drawled, giving her a low bow, his head almost knocking against her stomach. When he straightened, Kate punched him in the shoulder, bruising her knuckles against the front of his flak vest.

"What was that for?" He asked, rubbing a hand over the spot, but still grinning. Kate knew she hadn't hurt him and so she ignored his question.

"We getting outta here?" She asked as behind her, Jackson climbed to his feet, obviously sensing that the man in front of her was one of the good guys.

"Negative, Katie. You, me, an' the kids are all stayin' right here 'til Cove gives the go ahead. Can't have you runnin' around shootin' at bad guys while you're pregnant." As much as she didn't want to, Kate saw the logic in her friend's statement and resented him for it.

"Did Joe get out okay?" She asked, glancing over Cove's shoulder and finding said kids seated on the couch, being watched by two armed men in grease paint. She recognized both of them as SF's on base. As if sensing her gaze, the soldier who was watching the door turned and gave her a thumbs-up. Aiden was regarding the man watching them suspiciously like he was thinking about taking the man on just because he could. Cade was bouncing Harry on his knee and making cooing sounds. She wondered at the difference between her nephews.

"Ain't seen him yet, Katie. You'll know soon as I do." Sniper drawled, giving her his infamously lazy grin. Figuring that they were relatively safe and that her former teammate wouldn't be needing his hands for at least five minutes, Kate stood on her tiptoes, threw her arms around his neck, and squeezed hard.

Back in the days of being a Force Recon team, their group hadn't been big on PDA's. Actually, they'd never been big on any kind of DA's, but there had been the odd moment when there'd been a hug or a gentle cuff against the side of the head. Sniper laughed and returned the hug one-armed, pulling the M16 out of her way.

"Good to see you." Kate muttered as she pulled back, hoping that she wouldn't cry. Sniper chucked her under the chin, an odd gesture from a man in fatigues and war-paint.

"So, I'm assumin' that one out there ain't yours." He said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder while gesturing towards her abdomen. Kate assumed he was talking about Oliver, although considering how vague Sniper usually was, he could have been talking about one of the guys from SG6.

"Nope." Kate said, resting a hand on her stomach. "That one's still right here." Sniper gave her a good, long once-over and then nodded as if agreeing with the situation.

"Ya look a lil' tired, but other 'n that, can't see nothin' wrong with ya." He said. Kate rolled her eyes at the medical evaluation from the armed commando. Jackson tapped her on the shoulder, reminding her of his presence.

"Oh, right. Uh, Jackson, Sniper. Sniper, Jackson." It was a brief introduction, but neither man seemed very concerned with formality at the moment. They shook hands and sized each other up in the typical male fashion. From there, they lapsed into silence until Sniper straightened suddenly, listening to something over his ear-piece.

"Affirmative. Bringin' 'em out." Sniper's smiling face had gone stone sober and Kate felt her heart plummet into her shoes. He only stopped smiling at bad news… really, really bad news.

"We got a man down. Cove ain't tellin' me who over an open line. 'Parently, a few of those CIA crackpots got away."

All Kate could think was Jack.

_**(&)**_

Jack O'Neill had been shot more than a few times in his life and therefore he understood all the annoyance, pain, anger, and annoyance that ran through a soldier's mind when he came to the conclusion that he was injured. Unfortunately at the moment, the man on the ground in front of him was mixing '_anger_' and '_annoyance_' and Jack was starting to realize why Fraiser usually got annoyed halfway through _his_ examinations and called another doctor in to finish them.

"Hold still." He muttered, batting Sgt. John 'Dynamite' Marsters' hands away from the wound. Marsters, or Dynamite as he preferred to be called, let out an inventive curse and squeezed his eyes shut.

Jack had been shot in the leg, the chest, the stomach, the arm, and other places that he couldn't remember. The knee, however, was a new one for him. His field dressing was lousy, but there wasn't a whole lot more he could do until actual certified medical personnel arrived. He glanced towards the doorway where the fallen assailant still lay. They hadn't been expecting such a heavily armed defensive force until they burst through the large doors of the loading dock and into a stream of automatic gunfire. Luckily, Dynamite had been the only one to get hit, or unluckily if you were looking at it from Dynamite's point of view.

"How bad?" Dynamite asked through gritted teeth, popping open one eye to look around.

"You'll live to play soldier another day." Jack said, replacing the gauze in his hand with a fresh piece. Dynamite nodded, swallowed hard, looked down at his knee, and passed out. Jack blinked for a minute and then took the blessing for what it was, never one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"Jack?" The voice came over his earpiece and he jerked in surprise at the familiar voice.

"Kate?" The feeling of wet warmth on his hand drew his attention back to Dynamite's wound and he replaced the gauze again.

"Cove says Dynamite was hit." Jack didn't miss the worry and fear that laced her voice. He nodded, realized she couldn't see him and affirmed it.

"It's not bad. He passed out." Jack replied, tossing the bloody gauze into the growing pile on his right. Okay, so he was lying, but at least she couldn't see it and freak out about.

"Are… are you okay?" She suddenly asked, her voice so quiet that Jack could barely hear it.

" 'M fine." He muttered as his own knees called him liar. There was a noise behind him and Jack turned, weapon in hand, bringing it to bear on the doorway. The sight of a couple SGC personnel carrying a stretcher and med-kits was a relief. He stood up, knees twinging in pain and backed away as the two men set about securing their patient.

"Are you coming out soon?" It was strange to hear Kate sound vulnerable and Jack realized that he preferred it when she was yelling at everyone because she sounded so little and scared that he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and that wasn't good… for either of them.

"I'll be right out." He said, rubbing his knees.

"Promise?" She asked.

"Promise." He said and mean it.

"Jack, I…" Her voice trailed off and silence reigned for a few seconds before Kate continued. "A-are you sure that Dynamite's okay?" She asked and Jack's heart constricted. She was concerned about her fallen teammate, not him. He'd read too much into that pause.

"He's fine. We're bringing him out now." Jack hadn't meant for his words to sound so curt, but that's how they came out. He clicked off and pulled the Vibra mike from his throat, shoving it into a pocket on his vest as he tried not to think about it.

_**(&)**_

If Jack had been jealous before, the sight of Kate in the arms of another man made that previous jealousy seem like nothing. His hands involuntarily tightened into fists at his sides as Kate twisted in Cove Bracken's arms in order to tilt her head up and say something to him. There was a smear of grease paint on her face, right across her bottom lip, a sign that someone had given her a kiss since all the attack team personnel wore grease-paint and he had a pretty good feeling of which one it had been. Jack felt his blood boil at the thought that it wasn't him. It was a completely irrational thought, emerging from somewhere deep in the caveman confines of his brain, but it was the only one he could think of at the moment and so he went with it.

Luckily before he could do something incredibly stupid, Kate noticed him standing next to one of the transports. Unfortunately at that moment, so did Cove and the other man's arms tightened in a manner best described as possessive. All Jack could do was watch as Cove leaned down and whispered something in Kate's ear. She nodded, her eyes locked with Jack's and then Cove released her.

Ten seconds later, Jack had an armful of Kate, who wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in the crook of his neck as she pressed close. It wasn't the type of greeting that he was used to getting after a mission, made all the more strange by the fact that it was Kate giving it, but they were definitely _her_ arms around him and _her_ breath skittering down his neck. Jack handed his M16 off to the nearest SF and returned the hug, even though his was slightly less bone-crushing.

"Idiot." She muttered, so quietly that he almost missed it and Jack felt something warm and wet slide down his collarbone. He splayed one hand across her back, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

"I promise never to do it again." Jack said against her hair, curling his hand against the curve of her waist. Kate sighed, all the tension seeming to leave her body as she relaxed, lifting her head to look up at him. It was one of those stupid romantic moments in those stupid cliché Hollywood movies that Jack always hated, but somehow it worked for the time being. He started to lower his head a little more towards hers.

"Katie?" Any and all hope that Jack was going to get a kiss vanished as the red-headed Sniper stepped up to them, holding a squirming, squalling infant in his arms.

"This lil' runt's goin' nutters. Can you take him? I gotta ride with Boom-Boom." Kate reached for the baby, tucking him into the curve of her arm with someone who'd had practice. Sniper nodded at Jack and then walked towards the ambulance that Dynamite was being loaded into.

"Something I should know?" Jack asked, glancing down at the baby who had stopped his squalling, but not his squirming. A quick glance down confirmed that Kate still had the slight bump to her abdomen, so he hadn't come from there.

"I named him Harry." Kate said innocently, turning again so she was resting against him. Jack rolled his eyes, but wrapped an arm around her waist again.

"Sounds good to me." He said, ushering her towards the waiting transport.


	33. Oooooohhhhhhhhhhh

_**Jack- Because I care about her. Way more than I'm supposed to.**_

_**-Stargate: SG1**_

_**(&)**_

Upon arrival at the SGC, Kate wasn't left alone for a minute. After being passed around to her family who took their sweet time making sure that she was all right, Cove and Sniper and Joe had insisted on accompanying her to the Infirmary so that Gracie could check her over. That had been three hours ago and she was now hiding out in a set of empty quarters on sub-level 14.

"Knock-knock." The words were accompanied by a couple of thumps against the door. Kate groaned and buried her face in the pillow as Cove pushed the door shut behind him.

"Hiding." She mumbled into the goose down.

"Seeking." Cove shot back, dropping onto the end of the bed. Realizing that he wasn't going to go away unless she stuck him with a cattle prod, Kate rolled onto her back, putting her feet in his lap.

"Vont-elles comment les choses?" She mumbled as Cove tugged on the big toe of her left foot. The electric blue pedicure that one of Gracie's daughters had given her a few weeks ago was starting wear off and she made a mental note to make another appointment with the girls to get it done.

"English, Katie." Cove said, glancing over at her.

"Non. Vous m'avez interrompu ainsi je parle francais." Kate replied, being stubborn because she felt like it.

"I don't remember you being such a little bitch when you were with the team." Cove muttered, slouching low on the bed. Kate rolled her eyes, not taking the comment personally.

"Oui j'etais." She said with a shrug.

"Will you at least speak something I have a chance at understanding?" Cove asked, rolling his eyes towards her. He was now curled up on the foot of the bed, looking ready to fall asleep.

"Cei broblemau yn deall Saesneg." Kate muttered, switching to Welsh. Cove gave an irritated sigh and fell silent. Kate had just started to drift off when Cove broke the silence.

"Drag's in the hospital." He said as he was making casual conversation. Kate glanced down at the man under her lower body. His eyes were closed, but she knew he was wide awake.

"Sniper said something about a punctured lung." She said and Cove snorted. Kate let her eyes slide shut again.

"Friendly fire incident. They were running a joint-op with some SAS rookies out in the Falkland Islands and one of the kids got a little overzealous." Cove muttered. Kate nudged him in the ribs with her heel.

"Aren't you sort of persona non grata round the top-secret circles?" She asked.

"Sniper and Tac keep me updated. I was the third person to find out that Joe'd been shot a few months ago." Cove sounded smug and Kate didn't blame him. While her team called or rather _if_ her team called, they hardly ever discussed missions and she wasn't afraid to admit that she missed it.

"Brifio i fyny," Kate muttered, settling her head more firmly against the pillow. Cove chuckled.

"So, what's with this Jack guy?" He asked, asking the one question that she didn't want to hear. In retaliation, Kate kicked him in the ribs until he grabbed her ankles, pinning them to his abdomen.

"Why does everyone want to know about Jack?" She asked. First her family, now her friends. It was never going to end.

"Not just anyone can date my Katie." Cove muttered, rolling onto his side. Kate craned her neck to look down at him as he pushed her legs away.

"I stopped being your Katie when we stopped sleeping together." She commented, turning on the bed until they were face to face. Cove shrugged.

"No, you'll always be my Katie, which reminds me..." Kate rolled her eyes at the endearment as Cove reached into his shirt, pulled a chain off his neck and handed her the small object that the chain had been threaded through.

"Remember this?" Kate stared at the small band of silver in Cove's big hand, wondering if it was her day to get blindsided.

"You kept it?" She asked softly, taking the engagement ring, eyeing the emerald and pearl setting and the delicate silver band. She'd actually designed the ring a long time ago and Cove had created it, something that had made her happy at the time.

"Well, after you threw it at _me_ instead of into the river, I figured there was a twenty-eighty percent chance of getting you to wear it again. 'Course now you got this Jack to look after you." He said, not meeting her eyes. Kate let him slide the band onto her right ring finger.

"Still looks good." Cove muttered, turning her hand from side to side, making the pearl glint in the dull light from above. Kate felt tears well in her eyes at the melancholy tone to his voice.

"Why didn't we ever work out?" She asked, a little embarrassed when her voice cracked. The smile that Cove gave her was sad and carried a hundred different meanings.

"Because we're two completely different people, Katie-babe and I don't think we were ever really in love-love." He said, sitting up. The words struck hard.

The circumstances between her and Jack were almost identical to the circumstances between her and Cove four years ago. Back then she'd been just as reluctant to admit her feelings. Now, so many years later, she was just as reluctant and it broke her heart. It surprised her that she didn't want to lose Jack.

"Love you Katie-girl." He muttered, leaning closer. Kate closed her eyes as her ex-fiancée gave her a kiss that felt very much like goodbye.

_**(&)**_

"Well, there was that time in the Congo." Dynamite Marsters knew better than to argue with his former teammate, but that didn't stop him from doing it. For some reason every conversation they had turned into an argument, which he always lost.

"I didn't get shot in the Congo." He protested, glaring at the young woman who sat Indian style on the end of his bed, elbows on knees.

"No. _I _got shot in the Congo. Remember? The villagers got their hands on a few semi-autos and I took a bullet in the ribcage? I still have the scar. I can show you." Kate started to reach for the edge of her t-shirt and Dynamite leaned forward, clamping his hand around her wrist.

"Huh-uh. The last time you took off your shirt around me, we got chased through downtown Barcelona." He said, leaning back. The painkillers for his knee had turned the agony volume down to a dull roar and during Force Recon training, he'd learned that he could easily ignore a dull roar.

"Sure you don't wanna see the scar?" Kate asked, flipping the right side of her shirt up and down a few times. Dynamite rolled his eyes.

"For starters, the scar's on the other side, moron." He said, trying not to grin. Kate looked down, narrowed her eyes and then lifted the bottom of her shirt all the way up to her chin, revealing her black sports bra and slightly rounded stomach. Dynamite closed his eyes and sighed.

"Huh, you're right." She muttered.

"Can I open my eyes now?" He asked, hoping that no one was watching this from the two-way mirrored observation room because if they were, then he was never going to hear the end of it.

"Go right ahead." Dynamite opened his eyes and found Kate in her original conversation place, elbows on knees, grinning evilly.

"Okay, I'll give you the Congo. What about Beirut?" Dynamite said, folding his arms across his chest. Kate wrinkled her nose.

"I got molested by a camel and if memory serves… Cove took the bullet that time." She said, tapping her chin with one long finger as she thought back.

"It never ceases to amaze me that you can remember every injury from every mission and yet you forgot my ten year anniversary party." Dynamite said, casting a quick glance down at his left ring finger. All it did was confirm the fact that his wedding band was sitting in his locker at Camp Pendleton.

"I was in…" She trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut as she searched her memory for the excuse currently eluding her. Dynamite tried not to laugh. "Uh… oh, your wedding anniversary was right in the middle of SERE training. You remember, I got back like a week later, black and blue from head to toe, cracked ribs, stitches." She said in a matter-of-fact sort of tone.

In fact, Dynamite did remember. Not thrilled to have a female on the team, he'd been even less than thrilled when his wife had invited her to their anniversary party along with the rest of the team. When Katie had declined because of her SERE training, he'd been happy… until a week later, when she'd come into the team locker room looking like she'd been worked over by a couple of elephants with sledgehammers. From there, a begrudging respect due to the fact that she was still alive after the week long beating had grown into friendship.

"Earth to Dynamite." He blinked, suddenly finding Katie's face right in front of him, her hands planted on either side of his hips as her nose hovered inches from his.

"I'm awake." He said, putting a hand on her shoulder and pushing her away. With an unladylike grunt, she collapsed back into her sitting position, one hand coming to rest on her stomach.

"So, do you know what you're having yet?" Dynamite asked, settling back against his pillow.

"No clue. My checkups have been kinda random since I got snatched. I think it's the thing from _Alien_, though." She said with a shrug. As if on cue, the door to the private room opened and Colonel O'Neill stepped in, looking considerably less blood-stained than the last time that Dynamite had seen him.

"Parks wants to check you over again." O'Neill said by way of greeting and Kate sighed. Swinging her legs off the bed, she pushed to her feet, straightening her t-shirt.

"See you later, old man." She tossed over her shoulder before exiting. Dynamite smiled as she brought up her favorite nickname for him.

"See you later, Rugrat." He called, easily falling back into their old banter. Before O'Neill could escape after her, however, Dynamite called his name, stopping him. Warily, O'Neill approached the bed.

"This isn't gonna be another one of those 'if you hurt her, I kill you' speeches, isn't it? 'Cuz I just got one of those from that Sniper guy." The Colonel said, stopping a few feet away.

"Nope. If you hurt her, Kate'll probably kill you. This is one of those 'heads-up' speeches." Dynamite said, wishing he could deliver this speech somewhere other than a hospital bed. This sort of speech needed beer and a dark bar. One of O'Neill's eyebrows arched.

"Katie's sort of jumpy when it comes to relationships." Dynamite paused, wondering exactly how much he should disclose. The half curious, half stricken look on O'Neill's face made up his mind for him.

"So, just be careful." He finished, leaving out about three quarters of the things he was going to say. Better to let the man figure it out on his own. O'Neill gave him a strange glance, but nodded once, affirming that he understood the meaning behind the warning.

"Colonel O'Neillllllllllllllllllllllll!" The voice rang out from the hallway, Katie sounding more than a little annoyed. O'Neill rolled his eyes and started for the door. Dynamite stopped him again.

"Oh, and Colonel?" The man turned, one foot out the door.

"If you hurt her, I'll kill you." O'Neill's lips twisted into a small smile and he nodded. As the door shut, Dynamite slouched lower against his pillow and let his eyes close with a sigh, satisfied that Katie was in good hands.

_(&)_

Vont-elles comment les choses- How are things?- French

Non. Vous m'avez interrompu ainsi je parle francais- No. You interrupted me so I'm speaking French.- French

Oui, j'etais- Yes, I was.- French

Cei broblemau yn deall Saesneg- You have problems understanding English.- Welsh

Brifio i fyny- Grow up


	34. For VisualIdentificationZeta

"_**I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met."**_

_**-The Wedding Date**_

_**(&)**_

"And… I'm right." Cove Bracken glanced up from the study of the plant life at his feet and grimaced at the sight of Sniper emerging from the access hatch.

"Well, there's a first time for everything." Cove muttered, flicking ash off the end of his cigarette. Sniper snorted, settling against a nearby pine and folding his arms across his chest.

"When'd you start the cancer sticks?" Cove ignored the censure in his friend's drawl and took another drag.

"Three days after I started working for Triple Canopy." He replied, wishing that the other man would just go back inside. Sniper, however, seemed to have different plans.

"Well, it's cold out here, so I'll get down to business." Sniper said, pushing off the tree. Cove paused with the cigarette halfway to his mouth. He should have paid attention to the knot of apprehension in his stomach, but he'd left all his common sense with Katie.

"I hope to God you didn't think Katie was gonna 'outta the blue' realize she was still madly in love with you and beg you to take her back." Cove kept his eyes on the ground as Sniper talked.

"Now, she had a reason for givin' you back that ring." Cove tried not to cringe at the mention of the ring. He wondered if Kate had flushed it down the toilet by now. Probably.

"Guess it just took you a lil' longer to realize it…" Cove looked up as his friend took a few inquisitive steps forward. "You _have_ realized it, ain't you?" Sniper asked, an incredulous look on his face. With a roll of his eyes, Cove inhaled another mouthful of smoke.

"Long time ago." Cove muttered, tapping the filter against his thumb and giving the man the answer that he wanted to hear. There was a moment of silence as Sniper digested this new information.

"Oh. Well then, okay." A few minutes later, Cove heard the access hatch clang shut and sighed in relief. Dropping his cigarette butt onto the ground, he crushed it out with the toe of his boot and reached into his jacket pocket for his pack of Marlboro Reds. As he lit up another one, he sighed. There were worse things to be addicted too.

Unfortunately, Cove's isolation was not to be. Two cigarettes later, the access hatch banged open again, cracking into the delicate sounds of the forest. He didn't turn around as the footfalls stopped a few feet away. He inhaled more smoke and then blew it out in a ring.

"Forget to share some great insight about my love life, Sniper?" He asked, staring out into the murky depths of the forest. Silence reigned.

Dropping his finished butt on the ground and crushing it out like all the others, he turned. Kate stood in front of the access hatch, arms folded across her chest. She'd changed out of her civvies into black BDU's and as per her usual disregard for the temperature wore only a t-shirt.

Cove cursed under his breath as he shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it to her. She caught it with two fingers and threw it back.

"Idiot." Kate muttered, pulling open the access hatch and gesturing towards it. Reacting in traditional stubborn behavior, Cove reached into his pocket for another cigarette. He was searching his pockets for his lighter when she stepped forward, pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and tossed it into the underbrush.

"You're pouting and it's not attractive." She said, wrapping an iron grip around his wrist. Contrary to her belief, Cove was the stronger of the two, which was why he _let_ her lead him to the hatch, rather than stand his ground and let her just tug on his arm. Once inside, they stood chest to chest on the small metal ledge that surrounded the ladder. In the dim red light, Cove could just make out the incensed expression on Kate's face. Using the male soldier way of solving problems, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"You're pretty when you're mad." The instant he said it, he regretted it. Kate just rolled her eyes and heaved a dramatic sigh.

"We are going to resolve this, Tom." She said, using his first name. No one used his first name unless he was in trouble and judging by the look on Kate's face, she was plenty mad. "We are going to fucking resolve this if I have to stand here until I go into labor and even then, I'm not leaving until you talk to me." Cove was distracted. The entire time she was talking, he was thinking about the kiss from earlier. As if realizing his train of thought, Kate punched him in the chest.

"Ow." He muttered, rubbing a hand across where her knuckles had impacted his collar bone. Kate gave him a 'that's what you get' look.

"What do you want me to say, Katie? That I'm not over you? Well, I'm not." As the words echoed through the access shaft, Cove sighed.

"You do realize that if we were married right now, then I'd be running a desk and we'd be living on base at Pendleton." Kate reached out and grabbed his hand, putting her thumb on the scar mass of his middle knuckle.

"I'd never have asked you to give up your career, Katie." Cove said, twining their fingers together. She punched him in the chest again.

"Ow! Stop that!" Cove said, jerking his hand back and holding up his hands to protect himself.

"You might not have asked me, but that's how the military works." She said, folding her arms across her chest. Cove sighed, knowing she was right.

"Now, can you just accept the fact that I love… someone else?" Kate blinked up at him, seeming to plead with her eyes. Cove sighed, took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

"On three conditions." Cove said, noticing the faint glimmer to her eyes even in the dim light.

"What?" Kate asked, sounding caught between suspicion and tears.

"One, I reserve the right to break this guy if he hurts you. Two, I get a hug at least once a month even if I have to fly out to Colorado to do it. Three, this doesn't ruin our friendship." Cove took it as a yes when she threw her arms around him.

_**(&)**_

Kate leaned into Jack as the elevator rose towards the surface, just about asleep on her feet. His grip around her waist was the only thing keeping her upright, one of his fingers hooked through the belt loop of her jeans.

"Wanna sleep." She muttered as the elevator rose to the twelfth floor. Jack's laugh reverberated through his chest.

"Can you at least wait till we get home?" He asked. Kate shook her head, her forehead brushing across his jacket, although she did mentally mark the use of the word 'home.'

"Sleep now." She muttered, feeling her eyes start to droop. The possessive grip on her waist tightened a little and Kate leaned into it, soaking up Jack's body heat.

The next half hour was a blur as they checked out, got in the truck and headed down the mountain. Kate fell asleep a little after the security gate only to be awakened what seemed like two minutes later by Jack. She blinked sleepily as he undid her seatbelt and tugged on her arm.

"C'mon." He said, his voice unusually soft. Kate let him lead her up the front steps, through the front door and into the living room. For some reason, completely unbeknownst to her, she sighed and leaned into his one-armed hug which then it turned into a two arm hug.

"I'm glad you're safe." Jack muttered against her hair, his voice rough with emotion. Kate grunted in reply, curling one hand into the hem of his t-shirt.

"I realized something." Even half-asleep, Kate recognized the importance of those words and opened her eyes, raising her gaze to him.

"Just now?" She asked, watching his head start to lower. He paused, shrugged, and covered her mouth with his. Kate's eyes drifted shut as one of his hands cupped the back of her head and his tongue swept a lazy path through her mouth. Only when oxygen became a necessity did she pull back, breathing hard. Jack's gaze was equally heavily lidded and just as lusty as she felt.

"Hmmmm." She said and reaching up, pulled his head back down. They could talk later. One of Jack's hands had just slid under the edge of her t-shirt when the doorbell rang. Kate sighed as Jack pulled back, looking just as frustrated.

"Damnit." He muttered, disentangling himself and headed for the door. Kate stepped into the hallway behind him just in time to watch Jack pull the door open… to reveal Colonel Harry Maybourne and two armed SF's.


	35. Harsh words and other things

_**Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men.**_

_**- Joseph Conrad**_

_**(&)**_

Jack had had enough. Just ten seconds ago, he'd been passionately kissing a very attractive woman who'd been kissing him right back with just as much passion and he really wanted to get back to it. Unfortunately, the smugly smiling man standing in front of him was a kink in that plan.

"Maybourne," Jack was beyond being polite so the words came out sounding like a growl. Maybourne didn't seem to take offense to it, probably because that was how Jack tended to greet him. Behind him in the hallway, he heard Kate shift and Maybourne's eyes darted back and forth between the two of them.

"Colonel. Settling in okay?" Jack flicked his gaze from Maybourne's eyes to the SF's standing behind him. He recognized both of them as front gate guards who had the thrilling job of ferrying the brass back and forth between the SGC and Peterson Airbase.

"Cormer, Grant," Both SF's nodded at him. They were both young and as a result they were low men on the totem pole in the Security Forces. Escorting Maybourne had probably been foisted on them by superiors who looked for any excuse to get out of transport duty, especially when it came to Maybourne.

"Are you here to arrest me?" He asked, ignoring Maybourne completely. Cormer and Grant exchanged glances before Grant shook his head, looking horrified at the idea. Cormer grinned like a kid and Jack didn't miss the man's gaze shift towards the back of Maybourne's head in a not necessarily nice way. Jack didn't blame him.

"No, sir. We're Colonel Maybourne's escort to the airport." Cormer said, smiling a little bit wider and glancing over at Grant who had yet to learn which of the commanding officers around base had a sense of humor.

"Does my house look like the airport?" Jack asked, folding his arms across his chest. He heard Kate cough heavily behind him as if she'd been trying to cover a laugh and it had choked her. He didn't miss Cormer glance at some point over his shoulder and wink. He probably should have been jealous, but shared animosity towards Maybourne brought all sorts of people together.

"No sir, so we'll be leaving now." Cormer said, stepping right up behind Maybourne, looming for lack of a better word. In the second it took Maybourne to turn and look at the man standing behind him, Jack closed the door. He could hear muffled protesting on the other side of the door. The protesting gradually faded, and Jack half wondered if Grant and Cormer were dragging Maybourne back to the car.

"That wasn't very nice." Jack turned back around. Kate leaned in the entryway to the living room, watching him through half-lidded eyes. As much as Jack wanted to believe that the heavy-lidded look was because she wanted to drag him into the bedroom and have her way with him, he knew she had other plans for the bed.

"Haven't you heard? I'm not very nice." He said, slipping close and wrapping his arms around her. In response, Kate rested her head against his chest, tucking one hand into the front pocket of his jeans. As the seconds passed, he felt Kate lean more heavily on him and, he felt her breathing start to slow down.

"You gonna go to sleep right here?" He asked, stroking a hand across her hair.

"Has its merits." She mumbled, nuzzling his chest. Jack laughed, dropping a kiss on top of her head. It was amazing how easy it was to be affectionate to her, with her.

"It's easier to be a full body pillow when I'm not upright." He said, letting just a little bit of suggestiveness in his tone. Kate tilted her head back and in the dim light of the entry way, he saw her grin sleepily at him.

"You're picking now to try and get me worked up?" She asked, running the hand that wasn't in his pocket up his chest and tapping one finger against his chin.

"Seemed like a good idea at the time." He said, leaning down. Kate laughed against his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck, raising up on her tiptoes to encourage the contact.

It took Jack a few minutes to realize that the buzzing in the back of his head wasn't because of Kate's hands running through his hair or her mouth on his, it was the doorbell. Again. With a grunt that had nothing to do with the woman in his arms, Jack pulled back and glared in the direction of the front door.

"Do you think if we're really quiet we can just go to bed and they'll leave us alone?" Kate whispered, still pressed up against him. Jack started to say yes, when a fist banged on the front door.

"KATE!" It was Finn's voice and he didn't sound like he would just go away if they just ignored him. Kate groaned and dropped her head against his chest.

"Make him go away." She muttered, clinging to the front of his shirt. Jack snorted.

"Right. Tell your brothers to go away. That's funny." He turned to head for the door and Kate latched onto him from behind, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I can't walk like this." He said, gently pushing at her hands.

"That's the point." She mumbled between his shoulder blades. Jack smiled as he gently disentangled her hands. She didn't try and stop him again as he headed for the door. Jack took a deep breath, prepared himself from the coming onslaught, and opened the door.

"Finn," The man was very good at looming and Jack congratulated himself on not falling over or fainting or running away screaming.

"Where is she?" The man didn't waste any time as he started to shoulder his way through the door. Jack just stepped back and let him because at the edges of Finn's massive shoulders he could see the rest of the Troy clan waiting to follow their big brother, and he wasn't really in the mood to take on the whole family. One by one the Troy men trooped into the house and then into the living room. Kate was nowhere to be seen so he was assuming that she was either in hiding or Finn had wrestled her into the living room. Jack blinked a little bit when the stream of Troy brothers gave way to a stream of Force Recon Marines, the last of which was Cove who took two steps through the front door and stopped.

"No, really, come right in." Jack muttered under his breath as he shut the front door and stepped back from Cove who hadn't moved and didn't look like he was going to anytime soon. He could hear Finn's voice dominating the conversation in the other room, but wasn't in a hurry to get in there. Kate had survived them for almost thirty years, she could survive them for a few more minutes.

"We tried to stop them, but they don't stop very easily," Cove muttered, surprising Jack. He glanced sideways at the man who was standing there with his arms folded and a petulant expression on his face.

"You're preaching to the choir." Jack said, allowing himself to relax a little bit and mirror Cove's pose. The man glanced over at him, any trace of the earlier hostility from their first meeting seemed to be gone.

"Finn doesn't like you," Cove said very matter of factly, glancing towards the living room. "But that doesn't really say anything because he didn't like me and still doesn't." Jack slid his gaze sideways at the man's last words. The possibility of a romance between Kate and her former CO had been at the back of his mind ever since she'd vanished with him for those few hours at the SGC. Of course, when he'd come back looking like a kicked puppy and she'd come back looking like she'd kicked his puppy, Jack had figured that something had happened and that he probably shouldn't ask about it because if it was important then Kate would tell him and if it wasn't important, Cove would tell him and rub it in. Either way, he'd find out.

"I don't think Finn actually likes anyone." Jack replied, listening for Kate's voice in the cacophony of noise coming out of the living room.

"Especially guys who are involved with his little sister," Cove added. He didn't add anything further and Jack just decided to drop it.

"Well, should we go in?" He asked, changing the subject. Cove shot him a look that said suggested he was nuts.

"Or we could hide out in the kitchen." Jack said, jerking his head in that direction. He took the smile he got as enough of an answer.

_**(&)**_

Kate was trying to focus on being yelled at by her brothers, but the fact that Cove and Jack were alone together was taking up all her attention. They were probably talking because she hadn't heard any signs of struggle although considering how many ways both men knew to kill a person with their bare hands, there probably wouldn't have been any sound.

"Are you listening to me, Katerina?" She rolled her eyes over towards Finn who was all red in the face and gesturing wildly even though he wasn't talking.

"No. I'm not." She said, turning her attention back to the empty doorway. She heard Finn's jaw flop open in the stunned silence and his wasn't the only one. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sniper staring at her in shock, his eyes the size of golf-balls.

"Excuse me?" Finn said, his voice dangerously low. Kate tilted her head to the side and looked at her big brother. There were times when she loved her family to death. Today was not one of those days.

"I said I'm not listening to you. I haven't listened to you since I was sixteen and you told me not to date Rick Atherton!" Kate felt her voice raise as her temper, which had been fraying ever since she'd been kidnapped, finally snapped. "But this time you're going to listen to me." She rose to her feet, feeling her annoyance and anger giving her an extra adrenaline boost.

"Katie-" Kieran tried to cut in, but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"Nuh-uh. I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm pregnant and I am two more kissing interruptions away from having a serious breakdown. So you're all gonna get up and march out the front door." Kate snapped, pointing towards the door. "And if you don't…" She paused, trying to think of something that was properly frightening. "I'll call Maman and tell her what you all did for Finn's bachelor party." In ten seconds flat, all the faces in the room went white, including those of her teammates who were trying to make themselves as invisible as possible.

"Okay, time to go." Brogan said, pushing to his feet, looking as nervous as she'd ever seen him look. Kate stood there, hands on hips as every single man in the room filed past her and out of the living room. She listened to the front door open and the sound of her family hot-footing it out the door. Sniper poked his red head back around the door jamb for a minute and Kate opened her mouth to yell at him, but he stopped her.

"I didn't even go to Finn's bachelor party, but I'm clearin' out anyways 'cuz you're scary when you're pregnant." He flashed a big grin and ducked out. Kate tried to be angry after that, but couldn't help smiling. Squaring her shoulders, she mounted the stairs into the entryway and walked down the short hall to the kitchen, following the sounds of conversation.

"And so she's lying in the middle of this town square and the camel is just standing over her and no one's saying anything because no one knows what to say." Kate stopped in the doorway and blinked at the sight of Cove leaning against the refrigerator and Jack sitting on the counter, both holding beer bottles and grinning like old friends. She was really hoping that this wasn't a friendship that wasn't going to stick because, how awkward would that be?

"And then the camel just licks her. Right across the face." Cove was laughing so hard he almost fell over and Jack choked a little on the mouthful of beer that he'd just taken. Kate wondered for a minute if she was dealing with a foothold situation because the scene in front of her was just too strange for words.

"She didn't shoot it, did she?" Kate tried to feel insulted at the question from Jack, but considering how she usually dealt with situations, he had a right to ask.

"No, but the damn thing did follow her around for the town for the next two days." Cove said, taking a swig of his beer. Jack started to raise his beer bottle when he caught sight of her in the doorway and the grin half-faded from his face. Cove looked at her and his face mirrored Jack's. They both just sat there, waiting for something to break the silence. Kate decided to do it for them.

"For your information, that camel was a better kisser than either of you." The following silence was broken when Cove burst into laughter, Jack following. Kate crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. Leave it to a couple of guys to be amused when they were insulted by a girl.

"I just kicked everyone out." She said with a pointed look at Cove. He grinned at her, but pushed off the fridge, beer bottle still in hand.

"Jack." Cove said with a nod in the man's direction and a wink her direction, was gone. She heard the front door open and close a few seconds later and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"I heard the yelling, but I wasn't sure I wanted to interrupt." Jack said, setting his bottle on the counter and hopping down. She didn't miss the wince of pain when his knees bent from the impact, but she didn't bring it up. If Jack wanted to play the tough guy, she'd let him… up to a point.

"I think I scared Finn to death." She said as Jack stepped up and wrapped his arms around her.

"What? You've never yelled at him before?" Jack asked, and she shook her head, her nose brushing his collar bone.

"Ready for bed now?" He asked, rubbing a hand over her lower back. Kate nodded, suddenly exhausted now that all the adrenaline had faded. Somehow Jack got her into the bedroom and into an over-sized t-shirt that looked like something Teal'c would have been swimming in and finally into bed. It wasn't until they were cuddled up together, holding hands and her head on his chest that he asked her the question that she'd been dreading all night.

"Kate, was the camel really a better kisser than me?"


	36. Counseling

_**He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.**_

_**-Douglas Adams**_

Daniel wasn't naïve enough to think that the server behind the buffet line in the commissary was smiling at him just because she was happy to see him. When he picked up his tray and started to move off, he was almost certain that he heard a muffled snicker, but since glaring didn't seem to do any good- he'd already tried it on two airmen in the elevator and watched them almost choke trying not to laugh out loud- he just squared his shoulders and headed for the only empty table in the room.

Sitting down, Daniel bent his head low over his tray because if he saw one more grin or heard one more guffaw, he was going to do something insane that people would be talking about it for months afterwards. Something that even Jack would have raised an eyebrow at. Jack who'd disappeared from base with Troy almost immediately after her medical exam had been finished.

Daniel sighed, wishing that he had something to work on while he was eating, anything to distract himself from the good time that everyone seemed to be having at his expense. Of course, his current work currently involved deciphering the hieroglyphics of a particularly blood-thirsty period in the lives of an arcane tribe on P3B-892, and he wasn't sure he was up to reading about ritual disembowelment over his dinner.

"Mind if I join you?" Daniel paused in the middle of his internal tirade to slowly raise his head, recognizing the voice and cringing because of it.

"If I say no, it won't do much good, will it?" He asked the very-broadly grinning Lt. Freddy Lopez. The young man shook his head and with a heavy sigh, Daniel gestured to the seat across from him. Lopez sat and almost instantly dove into the pile of meatloaf and mashed potatoes in front of him with the eagerness of a young Marine whose metabolism had yet to catch up with him.

"Is there a reason for the sudden friendship?" Daniel asked, still wary. Lopez eyed him over a forkful of mashed potatoes, trying to look serious, but failing miserably. With a shrug, the young soldier shoveled the food into his mouth, chewed, all he while fixing Daniel with an unnerving stare.

"Yep," Lopez finally said around his mouthful of mush. Daniel looked down at his tray, finally sticking his fork into a bite of chicken and biting into it as he pondered this.

"Why?" Daniel asked after he'd swallowed. Lopez paused from inhaling his food long enough to reach for his glass of water and give Daniel a small grin.

"My first week here, I got married." The statement definitely wasn't something that Daniel had been expecting to hear. He blinked a few times as the words sank in.

"To who?" Daniel asked, glancing around the commissary as if everyone there had nothing better to do than eavesdrop on his conversation.

"Mullins." Lopez said it so matter of factly that it took a few moments for the words to register, but when they did, Daniel choked on his chicken.

"Mullins as in…?" Daniel let it trail off, unsure of how to continue that particular line of questioning.

"As in my teammate," Lopez said, seeming nonplussed. Daniel decided to follow his example and resumed eating his chicken.

"So, what happened?" He asked, after the silence had stretched on long enough.

"Well, the Colonel recorded it for posterity," Lopez had enough grace to blush at that part of the statement and Daniel almost smiled. "And then somehow, although he denies all knowledge of it, the tape circulated around base." Lopez was talking into his mashed potatoes now and even though the Marine seemed relatively unflappable, Daniel had a feeling that the marriage had tossed the man's orderly world into disarray.

"Look, Doc, my point is that it'll suck for a while. People'll make comments and do things that are ridiculous until the next guy that does something stupid steps into the limelight." Lopez gestured with his fork as he spoke as if to poke the point home. Daniel found himself smiling. For a Marine, the kid had some good insights.

"Actually, I heard that SG9 went to that planet with the rabbits today, so you may be off the hook sooner than you think." Lopez said, digging into his food again. Daniel watched the young man shovel some more food into his mouth and then looked back down at his plate.

"Does anyone else know that you do counseling in your spare time?" He asked as he forked up another piece of chicken.

"I try not to advertise." Lopez said with a shrug. Daniel nodded in understanding.

"Hey, Doc!" Daniel looked up as Mullins claimed the chair next to Lopez. He expected a smart-ass remark and Mullins didn't disappoint.

"Where's the Spider-Man shirt?" Mullins asked, fork poised above his pasta. Daniel shot a look at Lopez, who gave an almost imperceptible bob of his head.

"I don't know. Where's your wedding ring?" Daniel would have been lying to himself if he denied that he got a kick out of watching Mullins choke on his spaghetti.


	37. Troubles in Baby Land

**_Dharma_****_: One time when I was babysitting your monkey, I took him to a fancy party without telling you.  
_****_Jane_****_: Is that where he started smoking again?  
_****_Dharma_****_: Mmmhmm...  
_****_Jane_****_: Do you know how hard it is to get a nicotine patch to stick to a monkey?_**

****

**_-Dharma and Greg_**

**_(&)_**

One of these days, Brogan was going to learn how to say 'no' to women. His little sister, his mother, his sister-in-law, his nieces, and now he had another one to add to the list: Dr. Gracie Price, the reason that he was sitting on the couch in Logan's apartment, staring at the baby on the coffee table.

"Not really good for much, is it?" As harsh as the comment sounded, Brogan couldn't really find it in himself to disagree with his brother.

"If we were in a bar, I bet we could use it to pick up chicks." Sgt. Apollo 'Tac' - short for 'Tactical'- Ruiz put his two cents in. Brogan snorted, and from his spot in the recliner, Joe barked with laughter.

"Someone want to remind me again why we're the ones babysittin'?" Sniper AKA SSgt. Andrew Couvier asked, slouched on the other end of the couch, arms folded across his chest.

"That'd be because Brogan's got a crush on that cute doctor." Joe added not so helpfully from his seat. As if an agreement, the baby gurgled and waved his chubby little arms. Brogan wasn't sure which one to glare at first. Logan was added to the list when he laughed.

"I do not have a crush on Gracie." Brogan muttered, trying to say to sound more decisive than he really was. Logan's snort from the recliner that matched the one Joe was lounging in, suggested that he thought his little brother was lying.

"Oh, Gracie, is it? 'Cuz earlier when she dropped the munchkin off, it was 'Dr. Price'." Sniper said, grinning broadly.

"C'mon, guys, she's Kate's best friend." Brogan said, looking back and forth between the men that he'd counted as family since the first time that Kate had dragged them home for Thanksgiving dinner. In response, all three men sat there in complete silence, staring at him expectantly.

"And what? There's no rule against dating your little sister's best friend." Tac finally said, grinning crookedly.

"Have you met my little sister?" Brogan asked, arching an eyebrow in Tac's direction. The Marine shrugged as if to say 'good point'. The baby waved his chubby little arms and gurgled as if he was saying 'I have.'

"The man has a point." Joe said, toeing off his tennis shoes and leaning back in the recliner, folding his arms behind his head.

"The man has lots of points. Especially the one on the top of his head," Brogan shot back, and Logan barked in laughter. Joe made a face at him.

"Guess I still don't see what the problem is." Sniper said, and Brogan rolled his gaze to the left.

"Not all of us are lucky enough to still be dating our high school girlfriend, Carrot-Top." Brogan grunted. Sniper rolled his eyes, that infamous red flush that always gave away what he was feeling slowly but surely creeping up his neck.

"Don't go turnin' this 'round on me, Troy." Sniper said, shaking his finger at the man in a way that reminiscent of an old woman scolding a naughty child. The baby gurgled some more. In fact, that seemed to be all that the baby did. Gurgle… a lot. Apparently, Joe was on the same wavelength.

"Do you think it's trying to tell us something?" He asked, sitting up in the recliner. All five men leaned forward staring at the baby. As if realizing that all the attention was suddenly on him, the baby scrunched his eyes shut, opened his mouth, and said, "Bah."

"I really hope that wasn't its first word." Joe finally said, breaking the silence that had settled over the living room with that pronouncement.

"Yeah, anyone got a 'Baby-to-normal' dictionary?" Sniper muttered. Brogan shot his friend a cock-eyed look because it was quite possibly one of the strangest things that the man had ever actually said.

"Yeah," They all looked over at Tac, who sat closest to the baby and whose nose had suddenly wrinkled up. "I think it said 'Change my diaper'." Four pairs of eyes, each with varying degrees of panic shot towards the baby. Sure enough, a rather pungent smell was floating around the living room.

"I'll call Gracie." Brogan volunteered, leaping to his feet. He'd use the phone in his brother's bedroom, the one that was well away from the smell of 'used diaper'.

"Uh, I think I'll help you dial." Sniper said, pushing to his feet almost as quickly.

"Anyone want a beer?" Logan asked, edging around the gurgling, kicking, and waving baby with the cautiousness that one moves around a rabid animal.

"If I can drink it in the kitchen," Joe said, putting his recliner down and standing.

"Hey, wait a minute! You can't leave me with the human stink bomb." Tac protested. The other four men exchanged guilty looks and took off.

"There are little flaps on either side of the diaper." Gracie's voice came over the speakerphone half-asleep. Considering it was oh-two-hundred, Brogan didn't blame her.

"Someone's gonna have to go check on the location of these little flaps." Brogan said, speaking to the miniature huddle of men around that stood around the phone. The baby was lying on the floor across the room on the sheets of newspaper that had been placed over the baby blanket, kicking his legs and waving his arms as he gurgled his happiness at being out of the baby carrier.

"Rock-off," Logan said, holding out his fist. The other men held out their hands and through a complicated process that appeared to be rigged, Joe was elected to go check for the existence of flaps. Sucking in a mouthful of air like he was about to go for a deep ocean dive, Joe raced across the living room, bent low over the baby, poked at something on the diaper, and raced back to the other end of the living room.

"There are flaps." He said, breathing in deeply through his mouth. "And I probably shouldn't mention this part, but I think the diaper's leaking." Brogan felt his stomach toss a little at the idea and turned back to the phone.

"Okay, Gracie, we found the flaps." He said into the phone, wishing that the woman had just given into their earlier begging and come over to the change the diaper for them.

"Now pull them open." Brogan was pretty sure that the horror on his friend's faces was reflected on his own.

"Oh, no way, I checked for the flaps." Joe said, raising his hands and backing away. Logan held out his fist to the remaining men. With a sigh, Brogan put his fist in as they 'rocked off.' This time, it appeared that the Gods had smiled upon him, because it was Tac's turn. Shooting Logan a dirty look, Tac inched his way over to the baby who had apparently just discovered his toes and was pulling at them with his tiny little fingers.

"Oh, there's definite leakage. Kid, that is just disgusting." Tac groaned as he crouched beside the blue flannel blanket and gingerly held his hands over the baby who forgot all about his toes and waved his hands at the man above him.

"Just open the damn flaps." Logan called, earning himself another dirty look. Tac reached down and quicker than Brogan had ever seen him move, grabbed what were hopefully the flaps and tugged them open. In an instant, the man was back across the room, standing next to Joe.

"Flaps open, Gracie." The sound of light snoring filtered over the speakerphone.

"Gracie?" Brogan called, hoping that she hadn't fallen back asleep because they were in no way qualified to do this on their own. The snoring intensified.

"Yo, lady!" Sniper bent low over the speakerphone and shouted, but again they got no answer. With a sigh, Brogan picked up the receiver and dropped it back into the cradle, terminating the call.

"Well, we've got the flaps undone. There can't be much more to it." Logan said, sounding far more optimistic than he looked.

"No, I'm pretty sure that there's wiping involved." Sniper muttered and Brogan felt an involuntary shudder run through him.

"Okay, well, who else can we call?" Logan asked, that optimism slipping to reveal sheer panic.

"There's always Kate." Joe said, seated on the couch, Tac seated next to him.

"Oh, right, let's wake up the psycho pregnant chick to ask her how to change a diaper." Sniper cut in, giving his teammate a scathing look. Brogan sighed.

"What about Finn?" Logan asked.

"And risk waking up our psycho pregnant sister in law?" Brogan shot back. The baby had discovered his diaper and was now tugging at it, giggling at the great fun he was having. Brogan was just hoping that they'd put down enough newspaper to prevent carpet seepage.

"Kieran," It was a desperate last ditch attempt, but they were out of options. Logan rolled his eyes and sighed heavily, but nodded his assent. Four minutes later, they had their oldest big brother on the phone. Luckily, they hadn't woken him up, which meant that the laughter bursting through the speakerphone was alert laughter and not sleepy laughter.

"You got as far as the flaps on the diaper?" The words vanished into a fresh wave of laughter and Brogan could feel himself blushing even though his big brother couldn't see it.

"Look, can you just tell us what to do so we can put it to bed?" Logan said, stabbing a hand through his short blonde hair.

"Okay, first of all, the kid has a name. Secondly, one of you is gonna have to go over and take the diaper off the kid and then you're gonna have to clean it up." Brogan exchanged glances with Sniper and Logan. Since Logan seemed to have the 'rock, paper, scissors' game rigged, there was a very good chance that he wouldn't be the one going over there to do it. Sniper seemed to sense it and sighed dramatically.

"Okay, guys, I'm throwin' myself on my sword here." He said, shuffling his way across the carpet.

Ten minutes later, accompanied by a lot of gagging noises and curses that were completely inappropriate for a child to hear, a nude baby lay on the blanket on the floor in the middle of the living room, the garbage can, complete with stinky cargo had been duct-taped shut and put out at the end of the curb, and Sniper was in the kitchen drinking Jim Bean from the bottle.

"Okay, you drama queens, there should be baby powder in the bag of stuff that Gracie sent home with you." Brogan dug through the over-loaded bag, since Logan had locked himself in the bathroom at the first sign of baby poop, and pulled out a white container that smelled like baby powder.

"Got it." He called from across the room towards the speaker phone.

"Okay, now you sprinkle it on the kid's butt and slide him into another diaper." Kieran said, his voice hoarse from laughing so much. Brogan opened the top of the container, looked down at the baby, and started sprinkling. Half the container later, he decided that the kid was properly coated and reached for one of the clean diapers that poked out of the side of the diaper bag.

"How exactly does one _slide_ a baby into a diaper?" He asked the man who knelt on the carpet next to him. Joe shrugged.

"Just open it and put it on the kid." Kieran said, sounding almost liked he was rolling his eyes. Much cursing later, Brogan finished fastening the flaps on the baby diaper, slid the baby into the carrier, and sat back hard on the carpet, Joe following his lead. The baby was fast asleep, one little hand pressed tightly against his mouth as he sucked on his thumb. Even with all the yelling and cursing going on, the kid had managed to slowly but surely fall asleep.

"Thanks, Kieran." Brogan called.

"Oh, no, thank you, little bro because I now have license to mock you for the rest of your life." And with that his big brother hung up. Brogan was too tired to even worry about his brother's threat. Taking care of a baby was exhausting work.

"Is it over?" Logan asked, poking his head around the corner of the hallway that led to his bedrooms.

"Yeah, it's over." Brogan let his sarcasm shine through in those three words, but Logan appeared unaffected by the caustic tone.

"Okay, well, I'm hitting the hay." Logan said and promptly retreated back into the safety of his bedroom before anyone could protest.

"I'll flip you for the guest room." Joe muttered to Sniper, who managed to raise his head off the back of the couch to look at him.

"It's a king-sized bed and I don't think you want to wrestle me for it." The redhead said, pushing to his feet and offering a hand to his teammate. Joe grabbed the hand and together the two men stumbled off in the direction of the guest room.

"Looks like we're sharing the fold-out," Tac said, climbing stiffly to his feet. Ten minutes later, the apartment was filled with the snores of five tired men and the soft little sounds of one freshly-diapered baby boy.


End file.
